It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

On January 29, 1931, Einstein visited the Mount Wilson Observatory in California, where he saw the eight-foot telescope (then the largest in the world) with which Edwin Hubble had discovered that our galaxy was just one of countless "island universes" in the vastness of space and that the universe was expanding rapidly, moving galaxies outward. He was accompanied by his wife Elsa, who, standing before that gigantic telescope, which to her eyes was nothing more than a large, strange scientific device, asked, "Well, what is this for?" "Mrs. Einstein, we use this equipment to probe the deepest secrets of the universe," she was told. "Is that all?" Elsa laughed. "My husband does it on the back of an old envelope."

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Putin dies and goes to hell, but after a while, he is given a day off for good behavior.

So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:

-Is Crimea ours?

-Yes, it is.

-And the Donbas?

-Also ours.

-And Kyiv?

-We got that too.

Satisfied, Putin drinks, and asks:

-Thanks, how much do I owe you?

-5 euros.

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Character on Leverage. He looked me in the eye when he told me that. The only time men look me in the eye is when they are making an effort to lie to me.

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

[Alpo]

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

17 hours ago, Alpo said:

She’s gotta be able to throw beads.

[Alpo]

I thought that they threw beads at you, when you show them your boobs.

[Subdeacon Joe]

45 minutes ago, Alpo said:

I thought that they threw beads at you, when you show them your boobs.

 

They just call me a creep.  

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

 

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

 

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

 

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

   

Layoffs Delayed As Dept. Of Education Unable To 

Calculate What Fifty Percent Of Employees Would Be

 

[Alpo]

Cool Halloween costume.

 

[Eyesa Horg]

15 hours ago, Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 said:

   

Layoffs Delayed As Dept. Of Education Unable To 

Calculate What Fifty Percent Of Employees Would Be

 

Similar happened last year at our school budget vote. A motion was made to apply 50% of 1.7 million of "found" monies towards the budget. The school board were all stepping and fetching for a calculator while the audience were all shouting 850 thousand! Then they wonder why we don't trust them as far as we can spotspit em.

Miraculously, they "found" another 1.5 million this year!

Edited March 14, 2025 by Eyesa Horg
Otto

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

[Alpo]

I understand and appreciate the joke.

 

What I don't understand is why the church would be washing their boots?

 

I have heard both the term "foot washing Baptist" and in the Bible it says that Jesus washed people's feet. But that's feet. Not shoes.

 

Can someone explain that to me - why the church would be washing their boots?

[Eyesa Horg]

To cover up for saying willies the first time.

[Alpo]

 

I can understand. He does have a few expenses.

 

Needs a new boat.

 

 

And I bet that fish knife was pretty expensive.

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

Firefighters Explained 

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHKffxHRI3r/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

[Subdeacon Joe]

23 minutes ago, Alpo said:

And I bet that fish knife was pretty expensive.

 

 

 

WOW!  No questions/comments from the guy who posted this about why anyone would make a knife with a hilt that you can't really hold!

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

28 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

why anyone would make a knife with a hilt that you can't really hold!

Because he knew that some dumba$$ would buy it.

[Pat Riot]

[Subdeacon Joe]

1 hour ago, Pat Riot said:

 

Be sure to enrobe them in chocolate before wrapping them. 

[Pat Riot]

1 hour ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

 

Be sure to enrobe them in chocolate before wrapping them. 

Pretty sure they’d catch fire or explode. 

[Alpo]

[DeaconKC]

[Subdeacon Joe]

Dad jokes by mom

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHErPnWSI5I/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

[Pat Riot]

[Alpo]

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

The CIA receives a serious bomb threat to Air Force One. Taking no chances, they call in a senior partner from McKinsey. After much deliberation he hands over a bag and requests that it is always present on the plane. This, he says, would reduce the risk. This trick seems to work so the CIA decide to open the bag. They discover a bomb in his bag. The partner explains. "Statistics show that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs on one plane is 1/1000000. So, plane is much safer..."

[John Kloehr]

13 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

The CIA receives a serious bomb threat to Air Force One. Taking no chances, they call in a senior partner from McKinsey. After much deliberation he hands over a bag and requests that it is always present on the plane. This, he says, would reduce the risk. This trick seems to work so the CIA decide to open the bag. They discover a bomb in his bag. The partner explains. "Statistics show that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs on one plane is 1/1000000. So, plane is much safer..."

This is why when flying, you should always bring your own bomb. Science!