It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Subdeacon Joe]

20 minutes ago, Alpo said:

I had three kids in the same school. And I told them. If you get in a fight, win. If that means you got to pick up a stick and hit him upside the head, pick up a stick. And you two - if you see that your brother or sister is losing, you best jump in on his side. Cuz if I find out that one of y'all got beat up and the others just stood there and watched it, I'm going to tear you a new one.

 

Y'all are family. And it's y'all against everybody else.

 

 

I completely understand and agree with - "your son was in a fight" did you win?

 

I would rather that my kids did not get into a fight. But if they do get into a fight, they are supposed to win. By any means necessary.

 

My stepdaughter was picked on a lot in school by a little clique of thugs. We kept complaining to the admin.  Came to a head when one of the clique "accidentally ' kicked her in the head.  I spent two weeks giving her a  little training,  then went and talked to one of the vice principals. 

 

Told him that we were tired of her being hit, shoved, tripped, pulled down by her backpack,  etc.  And now she had been kicked in the head.  And the school administration telling us that there was nothing they could  do because it was her word against that little pack.  So since the school had admitted over and over that they couldn't fulfill their obligation as guardian to keep students safe on campus,  I  had given her instructions to take one, and only one hit, then to kick the guy in the knee and when he went down to then kuck him in the crotch and the face.  And if the school tried to punish her for defending herself I would get CPS, the Sheriff, and the local police involved to investigate every member of the school administration as individuals,  the corporate entity of the administration as a whole,  the dustrict, and the supervisor for child abuse and child endangerment. 

 

It was rather odd that after that meeting there were no more incidents. 

[Subdeacon Joe]

Vegetables don't eat vegetables. 

 

https://youtube.com/shorts/-6e17yloKs0?si=y1wEcS5o84w-R3EJ

 

Edited March 27, 2025 by Subdeacon Joe

[Sedalia Dave]

1 hour ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

 

My stepdaughter was picked on a lot in school by a little clique of thugs. We kept complaining to the admin.  Came to a head when one of the clique "accidentally ' kicked her in the head.  I spent two weeks giving her a  little training,  then went and talked to one of the vice principals. 

 

Told him that we were tired of her being hit, shoved, tripped, pulled down by her backpack,  etc.  And now she had been kicked in the head.  And the school administration telling us that there was nothing they could  do because it was her word against that little pack.  So since the school had admitted over and over that they couldn't fulfill their obligation as guardian to keep students safe on campus,  I  had given her instructions to take one, and only one hit, then to kick the guy in the knee and when he went down to then kuck him in the crotch and the face.  And if the school tried to punish her for defending herself I would get CPS, the Sheriff, and the local police involved to investigate every member of the school administration as individuals,  the corporate entity of the administration as a whole,  the dustrict, and the supervisor for child abuse and child endangerment. 

 

It was rather odd that after that meeting there were no more incidents. 

 

My Great-Niece got in school suspension for fighting a couple months ago.

 

One of her friends was being bullied during lunch. Apparently it has been going on for a while. My Great Niece finally decided to take action and gave the bully a bloody nose.

 

I'm rather proud of her for defending her friend.

[Subdeacon Joe]

Movie review of the Snow White remake:

 

"If I  saw this on a plane, I'd still walk out "

[Subdeacon Joe]

I hag meant to put this here, but put it in the "Pinking Shears" thread by mistake.   Si

 

 

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

In the movie The Killer Elite. 1975, Robert Duvall, James Caan.

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

I drink water everyday. 

 

To be safe, I boil it first. 

 

To be double safe, after boiling I filter it thru some ground up coffee beans to help remove impurities....

[Alpo]

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

40 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

In the movie The Killer Elite. 1975, Robert Duvall, James Caan.

 

On the TV show, "The Man from U.N.C.L.E., the final end credit scene thanked the fictional organization, leading some fans to try to find it and apply to be Agents. 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A good speech is like a mini-skirt, long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

 

 

[Alpo]

[John Kloehr]

21 minutes ago, Alpo said:

I do some math almost every day. It helps me get through the week. Sometimes I even do it on the weekends.

Edited March 28, 2025 by John Kloehr

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

math in the back woods : 

 

  ya got 6 pigs ,  Davey took 2 

 

  how mqny do ya got ? 

 

  6 , and ya feed Davey to em 

 

   🤣

[Alpo]

1 hour ago, John Kloehr said:

I do some math almost every day. It helps me get through the week. Sometimes I even do it on the weekends.

Good thing you're in Tennessee and not in Kentucky.

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Due to rising costs and gov’t cutbacks, the following urine test is suggested.  Pee under a tree and wait for results.  If ants gather, patient has diabetes.  If the grass dies, high salts. If if smells like BBQ, high cholesterol. If patient forgot to pull his pants up, Alzheimer’s.

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

[Subdeacon Joe]

The alphabet is wrong

 

https://fb.watch/yFKAgdTDvT/

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

 

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

 

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

 

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

[Alpo]

Frank says to his buddy Joe, "Man, what happened to you? You look terrible."

 

Joe says, "I was watching porn, and the door opened and my wife walked in."

 

Frank says, "That can be a little disconcerting I suppose. But so what? Surely she knows you watch porn."

 

Joe said, "You don't understand. She was in the movie."

[Subdeacon Joe]

1 hour ago, Alpo said:

Frank says to his buddy Joe, "Man, what happened to you? You look terrible."

 

Joe says, "I was watching porn, and the door opened and my wife walked in."

 

Frank says, "That can be a little disconcerting I suppose. But so what? Surely she knows you watch porn."

 

Joe said, "You don't understand. She was in the movie."

 

I thought we deleted all those!  

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

[Sedalia Dave]

A tourist in Vienna is walking through a graveyard when, out of nowhere, he starts hearing music. With no one around, he begins searching for the source. Eventually, he tracks it down to a grave with a headstone that reads:

“Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827.”

He’s stunned to realize the music is Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony... being played backward!

Confused, he leaves and convinces a friend to come back with him. When they return, the music has changed to the Seventh Symphony, also being played backward.

Curious, they consult a music expert. When they return with him, they hear the Fifth Symphony... and once again, it’s backward!

The expert points out that the symphonies are playing in reverse order of their composition: 9th, 7th, and 5th. By the next day, the crowd has grown, and they’re now hearing the Third Symphony, still backward.

Just then, the caretaker of the graveyard strolls by. Someone asks him if he has any explanation for the music.

With a shrug, he replies, “I thought it was obvious... He’s decomposing.” 😆🎶

[John Kloehr]

2 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

... With a shrug, he replies, “I thought it was obvious... He’s decomposing.” 😆🎶

We really need a "boo" emoji...

[Subdeacon Joe]

Yep.....

 

It's the middle of Lent 

 

 

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

 

[Alpo]

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

 

 

[Alpo]