Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 A guy has been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day a plane spots him and they send a boat to rescue him. The boat pulls into the cove, the guy hops on board, and the boat heads back out to see. On the way out of the cove, the captain says to the guy, “Hey, I see three buildings near the beach. Why three buildings? What are they for?” The guy says, “Well, the one in the center is my home.” The captain then says, “Well, what about the building on the right?” The guy says, “That’s my church.” The captain replies again, “Well, what about the building on the left?” The guy says, “Oh, that’s the church I used to go to.” 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted June 30 Author Share Posted June 30 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 2 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted July 2 Author Share Posted July 2 Where can I buy a .50 cal sniper? Klaus Schadenfreude Brought up with guns. I own, shoot, and build guns.Mon Where can I buy a .50 cal sniper? You can’t, for at least two reasons. One, snipers aren’t for sale, ever since the Thirteenth Amendment. You can no longer buy people. Second, .50 caliber = 1/2 inch. The minimum height requirement is 58 inches. A half inch sniper wouldn’t be able to carry or operate your typical “sniper” rifle, since they can be as much as 58 inches long and weigh 30 pounds. The closest thing would be Rent-A-Midget Sniper™. At Rent-A-Midget Sniper™, they rent out highly skilled and finely equipped midget snipers. Their Sniper / Spotter package comes with all you need for any sniping job. A+ BBB rating. 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 1 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 1 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 3 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rip Snorter Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 2 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said: But, but aren't they arch villians? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 3 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rip Snorter Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 8 minutes ago, Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 said: Been there, done that, but for different favorites. 8 feet of vinyl lives and is used. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted July 4 Author Share Posted July 4 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 1 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 A father brought his little girl to”bring your child to work day. They were talking with other parents and having a great time. His daughter burst out crying and her dad asked her what was wrong. She said “where are all the clowns you said you worked with?” 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 5 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said: Actually... prisms refract, not reflect. Beat ya to it, Alpo~!! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 (edited) Edited July 4 by Sedalia Dave 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 An old farmer drove to a neighbor's and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. The farmer asked, "Is your Dad home?" The boy replied, "No sir, he isn't; he went to town." The farmer said, "Well, is your Mother here?" The boy said, "No sir, she went to town with Dad." The farmer said, "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" The boy said, "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad." The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. The boy said, "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." "Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant." The boy thought for a moment, "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard." 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 2 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 1 4 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeaconKC Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 Cutputt Brown and his wife live in Cleveland. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Cutputt's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Cutputt's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park ..." just then the power goes out, and his wife is very upset. With a worried look on her face she says, "Oh gawd, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plows can get through" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married exhibit, Cutputt says, "Honey, why don't you just leave it in the garage this time" 1 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road carefully, got out of the car and opened the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They were in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers. As I expected, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy camper! "What's going on here?" "My car has a flat tire," I said calmly. "Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?" I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him......... "Hellooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyesa Horg Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 20 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said: Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road carefully, got out of the car and opened the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They were in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers. As I expected, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy camper! "What's going on here?" "My car has a flat tire," I said calmly. "Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?" I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him......... "Hellooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" I like it 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 1 hour ago, John Kloehr said: Next time we'll let Bob - the guy with no arms and no legs - light it. He can hold the match in his teeth. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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