DocWard Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 https://www.facebook.com/reel/427228789803699/?referral_source=native_in_feed_unit 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 Bomb threat at Home Depot https://www.facebook.com/reel/345353698322317?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cypress Sun Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 On 3/20/2024 at 6:53 AM, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: Dummy...everyone knows you should use a rope in these situations, not a chain. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 2 hours ago, DocWard said: Bomb threat at Home Depot https://www.facebook.com/reel/345353698322317?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v The bomb threat was pretty good, but I like the cat waiting for FedEx better. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 3 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 https://www.facebook.com/reel/415981491057370?mibextid=0VwfS7&s=yWDuG2&fs=e 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 4 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 Billy Graham told this story…. "I'm reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century. Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train, when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there.He looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it. "The conductor said, “Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.” Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car,he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket. "The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are; no problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.' Einstein looked at him and said, “Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.” 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 (edited) 4 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: Einstein looked at him and said, “Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.” Very possible. Some years ago I read a story about him that said that when he was at Princeton, his Secretary had to stay at the office because Einstein would have to call him because he kept getting lost on his way home. Edited March 25 by Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 (edited) Once upon a time there was 4 bears, Papa bear who liked drinking beer, Momma bear who liked eating beans, Teenage bear who like to listen to Cha Cha records, And baby bear who hadn't taken an interest in anything yet. So one day Pa Pa bear, Momma bear and Teenage bear go out for a walk, While they were gone baby bear decided to give papa bear's beer a try and downed a couple bottles. Then he thought he would try some of Momma bears beans and ate a whole bunch of them. Then he sat and listened to teenage bears cha cha records for a while and then retired to his room. A little later Papa bear Momma bear and teenage bear returned. Pap bear yelled "WHO BEEN DRINKING MY BEER?" Momma bear yelled "WHO"S BEEN EATING MY BEANS"? Teenage bear yelled "WHO" BEEN LISTENING TO MY CHA CHA RECORDS?" Just then Baby bear came staggering into the room and goes HIC, FFFAAARRRT, (fart sound) Cha Cha Cha. Edited March 25 by Sedalia Dave 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 4 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said: Just then Bay bear came staggering into the room Don't you love it when otto messes with your punchline. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 2 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4vJkI5vArW/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 CHP - Buttonwillow · The Honda Fit. -40 miles per gallon -Surprisingly roomy interior -104 mph Who knew? 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 A young comedian hasn’t been having much success. An older comedian tells him that there’s this gig at a long-term care facility he can get. He warns him that it’s not a great crowd—lot’s of Alzheimer’s. But he takes the gig. He’s very nervous, but his first joke goes over like gangbusters. He remembers that there’s lot’s of Alzheimer’s patients, so he tells the joke again. Everybody laughs even more. There’s a man at the back of the crowd, watching him. The comedian doesn’t see him so he goes on to tell the same joke over and over, for his entire set. People are cracking up. They love him. Finally, he goes to leave. The guy at the back stops him: Hey, I saw what you did and I have one question: How do you remember all those jokes? 1 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 A defendant was on trial for murder in Philadelphia. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." Answered the jury foreman: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t." 4 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 This test will make you feel very stupid....... This test makes you think before you answer! And of course, answers are below. (No peeking ahead of time!) Good luck! 1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name? 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? 3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? 4. How much dirt is there in a hole... that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? 5. What word in the English Language... is always spelled incorrectly? 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? 7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? 8. What was the President's Name...in 1975? 9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? 10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Here are the Answers: 1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name? Answer: Johnny, of course. 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? Answer: Meat. 3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this are you?] 4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? Answer: There is no dirt in a hole. 5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly? Answer: Incorrectly 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere. 7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures. 8. What was the President's Name in 1975? Answer: Same as is it now - Joe Biden 9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first. 10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh] 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one. IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD 1) You can't count your hair. 2) You can't wash your eyes with soap. 3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out. Put your tongue back in your mouth!! Ten (10) Things I know about you. 1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips. 4) You just attempted to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5. 8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too. 10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it TO ALL MY INTELLIGENT FRIENDS Keep that brain working; try to figure this one out... See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common? 1. Banana 2. Dresser 3. Grammar 4. Potato 5. Revive 6. Uneven 7. Assess Give it another try... Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the Answer. This is so cool..... No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters.... Answer: In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out? 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyesa Horg Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 I need another coffee. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 2 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassnetguy50 Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 There is a reason why women live longer, they buy clothes. Men get a paycheck on Friday and spend the weekend doing this https://www.facebook.com/reel/1409229809698750 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' licence plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ...... I assumed you had stolen the car.'' 2 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?!" 1 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted March 29 Author Share Posted March 29 16 hours ago, Alpo said: 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 And that's how he went from traffic control, to outer space. He just got a taste for flying. 1 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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