Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 I was originally going to make this three separate posts, but then I decided the software would merge them anyhow, so I made it all one. 7 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 1 hour ago, Alpo said: Don’t laugh ‘til you’ve lived it!! 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 31, 2023 Author Share Posted December 31, 2023 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 3 hours ago, Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 said: ........ well, ..... he was 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 34 minutes ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said: ........ well, ..... he was Looks pretty proud of himself too. 3 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 1 Author Share Posted January 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 1 Author Share Posted January 1 The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship with her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious. The query: Dear Tech Support, "Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems but to no avail. What can I do? Signed: Desperate The response (that came weeks later out of the blue) Dear Desperate, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0. Good Luck Tech Support 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 5 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked this all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn." 1 1 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 1 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 1 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 2 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 3 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 2 hours ago, Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 said: Available from Amazon! https://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-Modest-Urn/dp/B00MXDOK7G 2 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 They also have a pet urn. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 https://www.instagram.com/reel/C1NkIGABVNL/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?" "Gave me a longer cane." 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 1 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 (edited) https://youtu.be/bQaF93-PDfk?si=F6UT6t-9xd_uigMU Edited January 4 by Subdeacon Joe 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I ease my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully get out of the car, and open the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them, and stood them at the rear of my car, facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers. But to my surprise, cars start slowing down, looking at my lifelike men. And, of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper! 'What's going on here?' 'My car has a flat tire,' I said calmly. 'Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?' I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, 'Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers! " 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 2 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 19 hours ago, Alpo said: I'm going to "a Special Hell" (see Firefly for reference) because while that's just WRONG in so many ways, it's also really funny! As to the the Three Holy Youths (actual general name of the icon). Hymns Troparion (Tone 2) Great are the accomplishments of faith, for the Three Holy Youths rejoiced in the fountain of flames as though in the waters of rest; and the prophet Daniel appeared, a shepherd to the lions as though they were sheep. So by their prayers, O Christ God, save our souls! Kontakion (Tone 6) You did not worship the graven image, O thrice-blessed ones, but armed with the immaterial Essence of God, you were glorified in a trial by fire. From the midst of unbearable flames you called on God, crying: Hasten, O compassionate One! Speedily come to our aid, for You are merciful and able to do as You will. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 Just now, Subdeacon Joe said: I'm going to "a Special Hell" Well, when you get there look me up. Because I'm probably already there for posting it. 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyesa Horg Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 2 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said: https://youtu.be/bQaF93-PDfk?si=F6UT6t-9xd_uigMU Damn that guy tickles me every time he's posted here! He doesn't even have to say anything, just the look says it all! 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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