Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 22, 2021 Share Posted December 22, 2021 23 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: ........ it's probably a good thing for him that she is backing him up armed with a Viking helmet and a plastic cutlass .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted December 22, 2021 Share Posted December 22, 2021 1 hour ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said: ........ it's probably a good thing for him that she is backing him up armed with a Viking helmet and a plastic cutlass .... She's just in training. Give her a couple of years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 22, 2021 Share Posted December 22, 2021 1 minute ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: She's just in training. Give her a couple of years. ....... I dunno 'bout that, ... she knew enough to put that helmet on .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted December 22, 2021 Share Posted December 22, 2021 But a plastic cutlass? That won't get their attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted December 23, 2021 Author Share Posted December 23, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckshot Bear Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together, more than 50 years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.” “Yes,” she says, “I remember it well.” “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?” he asks. “Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!” A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, “I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble.” So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about 10 minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?” Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply. “Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted December 23, 2021 Author Share Posted December 23, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 2 hours ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said: and a plastic cutlass Plastic? Looks like Damascus to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 1 hour ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: But a plastic cutlass? That won't get their attention. Never ever underestimate the power of a little girls imagination. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted December 23, 2021 Author Share Posted December 23, 2021 21 minutes ago, Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 said: My wife just asked me what I was laughing about… I said “Nothing”. I don’t think she believes me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Units of Measure you may not have known about: 1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi 2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton 3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope 4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond 5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram 6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong 7. 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year 8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling 9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon 10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz 11. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower 12. Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line 13. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds 14. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton 15. 1000 ccs of wet socks = 1 literhosen 16. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 2 minutes ago, Alpo said: Units of Measure you may not have known about: 8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling Uh, = 1 Rod Serling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 You know how it is. You see something, you think it's funny, you cut and paste it. Then you find out the idiot that wrote it doesn't know how to spell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brazos John Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 3 hours ago, Father Kit Cool Gun Garth said: I can't wait for the interface to allow the third eye to project its images directly into the brain! Or someone else's brain! Or computer! I'm sure it's in development! But, surely not in the US! Or, is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 This joke is about the former East Germany… An old man is talking about how much better life was decades ago when a dictator was in power. A young person asks him about the secret police, the way people disappeared without a trace when they made the dictator unhappy, the shortages of basic goods, and so on. The old man acknowledges that these things were true. The young person then asks if those things were true, why was life better under the dictator? The old man replies, “Back then, I was young and strong and healthy and all the girls wanted to dance with me!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 On 12/22/2021 at 11:44 PM, Alpo said: 16. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms On 12/22/2021 at 11:49 PM, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said: Uh, = 1 Rod Serling On 12/22/2021 at 11:51 PM, Alpo said: You know how it is. You see something, you think it's funny, you cut and paste it. Then you find out the idiot that wrote it doesn't know how to spell. Or make change, the conversion for 4 nickels is 1 paradigm, not 2 of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texas Joker Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 I don't know a dime is a single item a pair of dimes is 20 cents but a Paradigm is 10 cents with 2 pieces so 4 nickels making 2 paradigms seems right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texas Joker Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Yall visit I gotta live in here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Did you notice Omicron is an anagram of 'moronic'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 One day after school a young girl noticed that her mom was cutting off the ends of a pot roast before putting it in the oven to cook for dinner. She had seen her mom do this many times before but had never asked her why. So this time she asked and her mom replied, "I don't know why I cut the ends off, but it’s what my mom always did. Why don't you ask your Grandma?" So the young girl called her grandmother on the phone and said, "Grandma why do you cut the ends off the pot roast before cooking it?" Her grandmother replied, "I don't know. That's just the way my mom always cooked it. Why don't you ask her?" Undeterred, the girl called her great grandmother, who was living in a nursing home and asked her the same question. "Why did you cut the ends off the pot roast before cooking it? She said, "When I was first married we had a very small oven, and the pot roast didn't fit in the oven unless I cut the ends off." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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