It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Alpo]

 

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Larry Lobster and Sam Fran were best friends. 

They did everything together. The only difference between them is that Larry was the nicest Lobster ever and Sam, well let’s just say he was not so good.

Larry and Sam did so much together that they even died together.

Larry went to heaven and Sam went to hell.

Larry was doing well in heaven and one day St. Peter came up to him and said, "Larry, you know you are the nicest clam we ever had up here. Everyone likes you but you seem to be a bit depressed.

Tell me what is bothering you, maybe I can help."

Larry said, "Well, don't get me wrong Pete, I like it up here and everything, but I really miss my good friend Sam Fran. We used to do everything together and I really miss him a lot."

St. Peter looked at Larry with pity and said to him, "I tell you what, I can arrange it so that you can go down to hell tomorrow and visit Sam all day. How would that sound?"

This made Larry very happy and he got up bright and early the next morning and grabbed his wings, his harp, and his halo and got in the elevator to hell. When the doors opened he was met by Sam. The hugged each other and they were off. You see in Hell Sam owned a disco. The spent the day there together and had a great time. At the end of the day Larry and Sam went back to the elevator together said their goodbyes and Larry got back in the elevator and went up to heaven. He stepped off the elevator and was greeted by St. Peter who blocked the doorway to heaven. He looked at Larry and said, "Larry Lobster, didn't you forget something?"

Larry looked around and said, "No, I don't think so I have my halo and my wings."

St. Peter looked at him and said, "Yes, but what about your harp?" 
 

Larry said, “Oh, I left my harp in Sam Fran’s disco.”

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Rip Snorter]

5 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

Larry Lobster and Sam Fran were best friends. 

They did everything together. The only difference between them is that Larry was the nicest Lobster ever and Sam, well let’s just say he was not so good.

Larry and Sam did so much together that they even died together.

Larry went to heaven and Sam went to hell.

Larry was doing well in heaven and one day St. Peter came up to him and said, "Larry, you know you are the nicest clam we ever had up here. Everyone likes you but you seem to be a bit depressed.

Tell me what is bothering you, maybe I can help."

Larry said, "Well, don't get me wrong Pete, I like it up here and everything, but I really miss my good friend Sam Fran. We used to do everything together and I really miss him a lot."

St. Peter looked at Larry with pity and said to him, "I tell you what, I can arrange it so that you can go down to hell tomorrow and visit Sam all day. How would that sound?"

This made Larry very happy and he got up bright and early the next morning and grabbed his wings, his harp, and his halo and got in the elevator to hell. When the doors opened he was met by Sam. The hugged each other and they were off. You see in Hell Sam owned a disco. The spent the day there together and had a great time. At the end of the day Larry and Sam went back to the elevator together said their goodbyes and Larry got back in the elevator and went up to heaven. He stepped off the elevator and was greeted by St. Peter who blocked the doorway to heaven. He looked at Larry and said, "Larry Lobster, didn't you forget something?"

Larry looked around and said, "No, I don't think so I have my halo and my wings."

St. Peter looked at him and said, "Yes, but what about your harp?" 
 

Larry said, “Oh, I left my harp in Sam Fran’s disco.”

A classic Shaggy Dog! Love it!

[Subdeacon Joe]

21 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

Larry Lobster and Sam Fran were best friends. 

They did everything together. The only difference between them is that Larry was the nicest Lobster ever and Sam, well let’s just say he was not so good.

Larry and Sam did so much together that they even died together.

Larry went to heaven and Sam went to hell.

Larry was doing well in heaven and one day St. Peter came up to him and said, "Larry, you know you are the nicest clam we ever had up here. Everyone likes you but you seem to be a bit depressed.

Tell me what is bothering you, maybe I can help."

Larry said, "Well, don't get me wrong Pete, I like it up here and everything, but I really miss my good friend Sam Fran. We used to do everything together and I really miss him a lot."

St. Peter looked at Larry with pity and said to him, "I tell you what, I can arrange it so that you can go down to hell tomorrow and visit Sam all day. How would that sound?"

This made Larry very happy and he got up bright and early the next morning and grabbed his wings, his harp, and his halo and got in the elevator to hell. When the doors opened he was met by Sam. The hugged each other and they were off. You see in Hell Sam owned a disco. The spent the day there together and had a great time. At the end of the day Larry and Sam went back to the elevator together said their goodbyes and Larry got back in the elevator and went up to heaven. He stepped off the elevator and was greeted by St. Peter who blocked the doorway to heaven. He looked at Larry and said, "Larry Lobster, didn't you forget something?"

Larry looked around and said, "No, I don't think so I have my halo and my wings."

St. Peter looked at him and said, "Yes, but what about your harp?" 
 

Larry said, “Oh, I left my harp in Sam Fran’s disco.”

 

I'm waiting for Alpo to ask.

[Alpo]

Okay.

 

If Larry Lobster was the nicest lobster ever, why did Saint Peter say he was the nicest clam?

 

If we needed to know that Larry Lobster was a lobster, what the heck was Sam Fran?

 

And why did it matter that Larry was a lobster? Couldn't Larry and Sam just be people?

[Alpo]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Sedalia Dave]

Lightning McMeth

Edited August 17, 2023 by Sedalia Dave

[Sedalia Dave]

[Yul Lose]

[Brazos John]

4 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

You could have also gone to Praha (Prague).

And Dublin, for an original Dr. Pepper.

And New Ulm for the painted churches.

And Geneva, Liverpool, London, Moscow, Naples, Athens, and a couple of others.

Texas is so dang big that we ran out of common American names, so we went to European city names.

Then, when we ran out of those, we got creative.

Dimebox, Nameless, Uncertain, Gun Barrel City, and my favorite, Cut and Shoot.

Here, hold my Lone Star and my Colt, and we'll come up with some good'uns!

[Brazos John]

Here's the map for the Texas World Tour.

Paris to Italy to London to Praha to New Ulm to Liverpool to Moscow to Geneva to Naples to Athens.

1233 miles, or about 20 hours of driving.

Most Texans could make it in about 15 hours or so.  

I excluded Odessa, which is out in West Texas. Named the same as a city in Russia.  

Not to be confused with West, Texas, home of the Czech Stop, with the best kolaches in Texas!

It's at Exit 353 on I-35. Tell them Brazos John sent you. 

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

2 hours ago, Alpo said:

Okay.

 

If Larry Lobster was the nicest lobster ever, why did Saint Peter say he was the nicest clam?

 

If we needed to know that Larry Lobster was a lobster, what the heck was Sam Fran?

 

And why did it matter that Larry was a lobster? Couldn't Larry and Sam just be people?

Well, when I stole it it was Sam Clam, but I didn’t like that. So Sam Fran was a clam.

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

https://youtube.com/shorts/BiGSeyiZfGE?feature=share

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

19 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

WOW!!! 

 

WOW!!!!  He has the American flag on the proper side!

 

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.

One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He said he hadn't.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.
The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.
"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes" he replied. "She sells C cells by the seashore."

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

[Sedalia Dave]

1 hour ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.

One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He said he hadn't.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.
The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.
"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes" he replied. "She sells C cells by the seashore."

 

 

Edited August 18, 2023 by Sedalia Dave

[Subdeacon Joe]

12 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

 

 

 

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Sedalia Dave]