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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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George Washington had no children of his own. He married Martha Custis, who was a widow with children. (Old joke - first in war, first in peace, first in the hearts of his countrymen, but he married a widow :o)

 

In his later years George adopted one of his step-grandchildren. This kid was the father of Martha Custis Lee - Marse Robert's wife.

 

So biologically Mrs Lee was not related to George. But legally he was her grandfather.

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At dinner, Iittle Johnny was asked to lead the prayer.

"But I don't know how to pray," he replied.

"Just pray for your family, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc.," said his father.

"Okay", the boy said.

"Dear Lord,... Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream, Bless them so they won't come again......

Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed........

This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor ladies on my Daddy's Blackberry who do not have any clothes.......

And provide shelter for the homeless man who uses Mom's room when Daddy is at work.....

AMEN"

Dinner was cancelled

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I went to the Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes.

When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.

So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!

So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!🫵

This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the winshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

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Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, " Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of ' careful consideration' , she answered "Yes. Yes, I will. "

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember.

Try as he might, he just could not recall.

Not even a faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to.

Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."

Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.

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19 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

nature-1-660x400.jpg

Amigo, I don't get this one at all!

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