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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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My neighbor just ran over here crying hysterically. I said, “Oh my, what’s wrong?” He said he just got a call from his doctor with his medical test results. The doctor told him, “Well, I have bad news, and then I have worse news.” My neighbor said, “Oh my God, that sounds terrible! What’s the bad news?” The doctor replied, “your test results came back and said you only have 24 hours to live.” My neighbor broke down crying and said, “That’s horrible!! What could possibly be worse news than that!?” The doctor responded, “I was supposed to call you yesterday.”

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3 minutes ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

Oh I'm positive that we're not going around this circuit again. To many negative memories. I'll just blow a fuse. 

You could have just re-fused!

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Somebody's just being resistive.

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A guy looking to buy a horse sees that a preacher has a horse for sale. He goes to the preacher to check the horse out. He wants to ride the horse first. The preacher says fine, but there are some things you need to know. To get the horse to walk you have to say praise the lord. To get the horse to trot you have to say praise the lord, praise the lord. To get the horse to run you have to say praise the lord, praise the lord, praise the lord. To get the horse to stop you have to say amen. The guy says that’s easy enough and climbs on the horse. He says praise the lord, and the horse starts walking. He gets out on the dirt road and decides to try the horse out. Praise the lord, praise the lord, and the horse starts trotting. The guy wonders how fast the horse can run. Praise the lord, praise the lord, praise the lord, and the horse takes off running. They are heading for a cliff, and the guy says whoa horse, whoa, but the horse keeps running. Just as they get close to the cliff the guy remembers. Amen!!! The horse stops right at the edge. The guy looks over the cliff and says shew!! Praise The Lord!!

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Two women, Mary and Jane, who have been friends since grade school, meet once a month at a coffee shop to stay in touch.

One day they meet up, and and Jane has a gauze bandage on each of her ears.

Mary asks, “Oh my gosh, what happened!?”

Jane replies, “Oh, I’m so dumb. I was rushing around the house, doing the ironing and getting bills paid, when the phone rang. I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone, and burnt my ear.”

“Oh my, that must have been very painful!” Mary exclaimed. “But what happened to your other ear?”

“Duh…” Jane replied, “I had to call the doctor.”

 

 

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25 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

Two women, Mary and Jane, who have been friends since grade school, meet once a month at a coffee shop to stay in touch.

One day they meet up, and and Jane has a gauze bandage on each of her ears.

Mary asks, “Oh my gosh, what happened!?”

Jane replies, “Oh, I’m so dumb. I was rushing around the house, doing the ironing and getting bills paid, when the phone rang. I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone, and burnt my ear.”

“Oh my, that must have been very painful!” Mary exclaimed. “But what happened to your other ear?”

“Duh…” Jane replied, “I had to call the doctor.”

 

 

Good thing whoever it was didn't call back.

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