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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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39 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

Couldn't find it on YouTube

https://www.facebook.com/reel/856207146221579?mibextid=9drbnH

 

Monster Mash Country Style by Cooper Alan 

 

I liked the little girl with the chainsaw. I hope she gets a little safer before she grows up and starts using a real one.

 

But that gal doing Summertime Blues. Wowzer.

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A Colonel was about to start the morning briefing with his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 25-75% in favor of work . A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young Private responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

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Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and the time had come.

He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said.

'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,!

'Ain't dat grand, !!'

Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said,

'Hold on! We ain't finished yet, !'

The doctor then delivered a little girl.

He said,

'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too....'

Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said,

'Hold on, we aint got done yet, !'

The doctor then delivered another boy and said,

'Murph, you just had yourself another boy, !'

Murphy said to the doctor,

'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'

The doctor said,

'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.'

Murphy said,

'Ah yeah, during conception.'

When Murph. and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said,

'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'

She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'

Murph said,

'I'll tell you, .....it's a freaking' good ting we didn't use WD-40

Edited by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984
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2 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

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I expected to find the origin on Babylon Bee. But no, this is real. The explanation might be valid, but perhaps not...

 

https://www.cbsnews.com/sanfrancisco/news/bart-withholding-surveillance-videos-of-crime-to-avoid-stereotypes/

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A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer said, "That's once."

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer said, "That's twice."

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.

His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."

The farmer said, "That's once."

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In the funny pictures thread I posted one of a baseball bat stuck in a tree. There is someone standing behind the tree, and the question was posed as to who was peeing on the tree.

 

This question brought forth memories.

 

Realize, not only am I not an artist, I'm not even a cartoonist.

 

This cartoon was in Playboy many years back. First we have what appears to be a man standing behind a tree peeing. The stream and the splash as it hits the ground.

 

IMG_20231022_1145151712.jpg.1cd8654d42c467796f8d7c5a97841486.jpg

 

The second picture shows that the man had been holding a flower head behind the tree with him, and what we thought was pee was actually the stem and grass of the flower.

 

IMG_20231022_1145151713.jpg.cba364a4ab4f93add4ccaf050f400b6b.jpg

 

This next one actually happened. Early one Sunday morning I'm walking the dog down the street, and as I'm coming up on this one yard I see a man hidden from the waist down by his car, peeing in the front yard.

 

IMG_20231022_1145151714.thumb.jpg.026c2724996241da0d981054c826ddff.jpg

 

As I continue down the street, and my view angle changes, and he is no longer hidden by his car, I see that he is standing there holding a garden hose. There on the ground are a couple of fishing rods, and he is rinsing them off.

 

IMG_20231022_1145151715.thumb.jpg.5c2ec7b0b66ad3c84e69973c9b7f5da1.jpg

 

Never believe what you see, until you look at it again.

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5 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

President Lyndon B. Johnson was finicky about room temperature, and when he was Vice President, he developed a habit of haranguing the flight crew about lowering or raising the cabin temperature. After a while, the crew got tired of his shenanigans, so they installed a "fake" temperature control in the Conference Room. This appeasement was successful, and Johnson was so pleased with manipulating the controls himself that he didn't even notice when the temperature remained the same.

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The most benign story I have heard about the gent.  He was a precursor to some of today's worst Pols.

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15 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

President Lyndon B. Johnson was finicky about room temperature, and when he was Vice President, he developed a habit of haranguing the flight crew about lowering or raising the cabin temperature. After a while, the crew got tired of his shenanigans, so they installed a "fake" temperature control in the Conference Room. This appeasement was successful, and Johnson was so pleased with manipulating the controls himself that he didn't even notice when the temperature remained the same.

main-qimg-2a3f0d4f670f3c674b7f7abfddecd641

 

He was a stupid sob. He and Mcnamara got a bunch of Americans killed in Viet Nam. He tied the hands of all the aircrews. His primary foreign policy was "don't irritate the chinks or the russkies. It's OK to sacrifice Americans but don't piss off the commies.

 

PF

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