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The Aussie Humour Thread


Buckshot Bear

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Wow!

2 minutes ago, Buckshot Bear said:

455673712_8122589171112142_3247098061895755676_n.jpg.33f01ef10e62b9af0d24330ac3c9f265.jpg

Wow

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I always heard “sandpaper a tiger’s ass in a telephone booth”!

 

I wouldn’t want to do either!!

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2 minutes ago, Blackwater 53393 said:

I always heard “sandpaper a tiger’s ass in a telephone booth”!

 

I wouldn’t want to do either!!

The new generation of criminals don't know what a phone booth is.

Edited by sassnetguy50
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Ain't that the truth! Anyone remember paperclip and pay phone?  I can recall walking to the phone booth with a sock full of coins to talk to my College GF on the Summer Break - I actually could have just paid for my share of the Folks bill, but it was simpler.

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"Crook as a dog."

 

New one for me, apparently means "feeling very unwell." Used by Ross regarding his wife on YouTube:

 

In episode 336:

 

 

He is building a 42 foot catamaran from scratch, might finish it some day. Best wishes for his wife to feel well soon.

 

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Ok.....here's todays Aussie Homework -

  • ”  ‘stralia” = the correct pronunciation of australia
  • “aussie/ozzey” = spelled aussie but pronounced “ozzey”
  • “g’day mate” = common greeting of hello
  • “no dramas” = no worries/no big deal
  • “how ya going” = how are you? (very common way people say when greeting you)
  • “true blue aussie” = thorough australian person
  • “pearla” = something really good
  • “dunny” = bathroom
  • “give it a red hot go” = try something with your all
  • “ta” = thank you or “okay”
  • “slab” = a case of beer
  • “have a go ya mug” = try harder
  • “crikey!” = surprise
  • “pash” = a big long kiss
  • “snogging” = kissing
  • “maccas” = mcdonald’s
  • “chockers” = very full
  • “ute” = a utility vehicle
  • “arvo” = afternoon
  • “mate” = friend
  • “sheila” = woman
  • “bloke” = man
  • “bathers” = swimming suit
  • “thongs” = flip flops
  • “frock” = dress
  • “budgy smuggler” = a speedo!
  • “glad rags” = your good clothes
  • “queue” = a line
  • “chook” = chicken
  • “barbie” = barbecue
  • “bickie” = a cookie (they call them biscuits here and shorten it to bickie”
  • “cuppa” = cup of tea
  • “sanger” = sandwich
  • “brekkie” = breakfast
  • “tucker” = food
  • “paddock” = field
  • “rug up” = to put a jacket on
  • “ridgy-didge” = an original idea
  • “fair dinkum” = being honest, genuine
  • “cop shop” = a police station
  • “smoko” = to take a break (originated from cigarette break but now used even when not smoking)
  • “salvos” = salvation army
  • “postie” = postal worker
  • “bonza” = a great time
  • “chemist” = pharmacist
  • “park a curbside quiche” = vomit (this is my least favorite but i did laugh and now i can’t have quiche for a while)
  • “that car is flash” = that car is fancy
  • “crook as dog” or “feeling a bit crook” = feeling sick
  • “stone the crows” = astonishment
  • “like a possum up a gum tree” = moving fast
  • “have tickets on yourself” = conceited
  • “fair crack of the whip” = ease up
  • “stone the faming crows!” = “i can’t believe it!”
  • “no bloody way” = can’t believe it or won’t do it
  • “she fell off the perch” = a way of saying someone died
  • “thick as a brick” = stupid
  • “as useless as an ashtray on a motorbike” = useless
  • “few snags short of a barbie” = dumb
  • “thick as two short planks” = stupid
  • “chuck a wobbly” = go crazy
  • “she’ll be right” = she OR he will be okay
  • “she’ll be jake” = she OR he will be alright
  • “he’s camp” = “he’s gay”
  • “AC/DC sometimes pronounced ‘acca-dacca’ ” = reference to the band OR being bisexual
  • “crooked as a dog’s hind leg” = a thief
  • “dry as a dead dingo’s donger” = very hot and dry outside
  • “more money than a bull can shit” = a lot, usually used in terms of money
  • “wow they charged like a wounded bull!” = overcharging for something or expensive
  • “gray ghost” = the parking meter inspector, who is always dressed in gray
  • “gray nomad” = an older person who is retired and travels around
  • “going on walkabout” = from what aboriginals do, means going to find yourself typically through traveling the bush in australia
  • “don’t come the raw prawn with me” = don’t give me any BS!
  • “piss off mate” = go away ya jerk
  • “good on ya mate” = well done friend
  • “thunder box” = an outhouse
  • “ugly as a hat full of assholes” = not the prettiest
  • “face like a dropped pie” = ugly
  • “it’s your shout” = it’s your turn to buy a round of drinks
  • “root” = sex (americans love to say “we are rooted in our values or root for our team!” don’t use this here)
  • “furphy” = rumor
  • “stoked” = excited
  • “crack a sad” = get upset
  • “i’ll put my skates on” = get somewhere fast
  • “no wucking furries” = no worries
  • “a kangaroo loose in the top paddock” = someone who is a little crazy or not all there in head
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I'd happily root for my team, but in private by your definition. Well, to be honest, don't care which team, any team, or no team.

 

"Thunder Box" could catch on here, I'll start using the term.

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27 minutes ago, Buckshot Bear said:

Ok.....here's todays Aussie Homework -

  • ”  ‘stralia” = the correct pronunciation of australia
  • “aussie/ozzey” = spelled aussie but pronounced “ozzey”
  • “g’day mate” = common greeting of hello
  • “no dramas” = no worries/no big deal
  • “how ya going” = how are you? (very common way people say when greeting you)
  • “true blue aussie” = thorough australian person
  • “pearla” = something really good
  • “dunny” = bathroom
  • “give it a red hot go” = try something with your all
  • “ta” = thank you or “okay”
  • “slab” = a case of beer
  • “have a go ya mug” = try harder
  • “crikey!” = surprise
  • “pash” = a big long kiss
  • “snogging” = kissing
  • “maccas” = mcdonald’s
  • “chockers” = very full
  • “ute” = a utility vehicle
  • “arvo” = afternoon
  • “mate” = friend
  • “sheila” = woman
  • “bloke” = man
  • “bathers” = swimming suit
  • “thongs” = flip flops
  • “frock” = dress
  • “budgy smuggler” = a speedo!
  • “glad rags” = your good clothes
  • “queue” = a line
  • “chook” = chicken
  • “barbie” = barbecue
  • “bickie” = a cookie (they call them biscuits here and shorten it to bickie”
  • “cuppa” = cup of tea
  • “sanger” = sandwich
  • “brekkie” = breakfast
  • “tucker” = food
  • “paddock” = field
  • “rug up” = to put a jacket on
  • “ridgy-didge” = an original idea
  • “fair dinkum” = being honest, genuine
  • “cop shop” = a police station
  • “smoko” = to take a break (originated from cigarette break but now used even when not smoking)
  • “salvos” = salvation army
  • “postie” = postal worker
  • “bonza” = a great time
  • “chemist” = pharmacist
  • “park a curbside quiche” = vomit (this is my least favorite but i did laugh and now i can’t have quiche for a while)
  • “that car is flash” = that car is fancy
  • “crook as dog” or “feeling a bit crook” = feeling sick
  • “stone the crows” = astonishment
  • “like a possum up a gum tree” = moving fast
  • “have tickets on yourself” = conceited
  • “fair crack of the whip” = ease up
  • “stone the faming crows!” = “i can’t believe it!”
  • “no bloody way” = can’t believe it or won’t do it
  • “she fell off the perch” = a way of saying someone died
  • “thick as a brick” = stupid
  • “as useless as an ashtray on a motorbike” = useless
  • “few snags short of a barbie” = dumb
  • “thick as two short planks” = stupid
  • “chuck a wobbly” = go crazy
  • “she’ll be right” = she OR he will be okay
  • “she’ll be jake” = she OR he will be alright
  • “he’s camp” = “he’s gay”
  • “AC/DC sometimes pronounced ‘acca-dacca’ ” = reference to the band OR being bisexual
  • “crooked as a dog’s hind leg” = a thief
  • “dry as a dead dingo’s donger” = very hot and dry outside
  • “more money than a bull can shit” = a lot, usually used in terms of money
  • “wow they charged like a wounded bull!” = overcharging for something or expensive
  • “gray ghost” = the parking meter inspector, who is always dressed in gray
  • “gray nomad” = an older person who is retired and travels around
  • “going on walkabout” = from what aboriginals do, means going to find yourself typically through traveling the bush in australia
  • “don’t come the raw prawn with me” = don’t give me any BS!
  • “piss off mate” = go away ya jerk
  • “good on ya mate” = well done friend
  • “thunder box” = an outhouse
  • “ugly as a hat full of assholes” = not the prettiest
  • “face like a dropped pie” = ugly
  • “it’s your shout” = it’s your turn to buy a round of drinks
  • “root” = sex (americans love to say “we are rooted in our values or root for our team!” don’t use this here)
  • “furphy” = rumor
  • “stoked” = excited
  • “crack a sad” = get upset
  • “i’ll put my skates on” = get somewhere fast
  • “no wucking furries” = no worries
  • “a kangaroo loose in the top paddock” = someone who is a little crazy or not all there in head

Useful, though I don't believe I could handle the flight to visit, and my carry permit is no good in your country.  What I heard from Australian friends in London long ago was "Strine" for Australian.

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3 minutes ago, Rip Snorter said:

Useful, though I don't believe I could handle the flight to visit, and my carry permit is no good in your country.  What I heard from Australian friends in London long ago was "Strine" for Australian.

 

"strine" is actually more the Australian spoken language (in ALL it's dialects) 🙃

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A friend of mine got an assignment to do computer work for the Age (newspaper that at the time was 100% Classified ads).  The job was projected to be two months. The staff at the Age got him an apartment in a not ritzy section of the city near the paper. Walking to and from work there were women who would ask/suggest…

 

‘ave a go?

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3 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

A friend of mine got an assignment to do computer work for the Age (newspaper that at the time was 100% Classified ads).  The job was projected to be two months. The staff at the Age got him an apartment in a not ritzy section of the city near the paper. Walking to and from work there were women who would ask/suggest…

 

‘ave a go?

 

Professional Ladies.

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9 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

Yes, working girls.

Commercial company

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“THE DEEP SEA LIZARD FISH”
 
The stuff of nightmares:
Terrifying hermaphrodite fish with the face of a LIZARD and hundreds of spiky teeth is found off the coast of Australia
Called the deepsea lizardfish, the animal is a superpredator of the ocean floor, snapping up squid and other fish with is fierce jaws.
The creature was hauled up by scientists trawling large nets off the coast of Tasmania.
It is a fierce predator with the face of the lizard, the body of an eel and hundreds of sharp teeth.
It got its name from its close resemblance to lizards, but is classified as a fish.
Lizard fish are 'superpredators' of the ocean floor and have jaws lined with rows of hundreds of spiky teeth.
Its teeth are hinged, making it harder for fish and squid to escape once in the animal's clutches.
The animal - whose scientific name is Bathysaurus ferox - is also a hermaphrodite, meaning it has both male and female reproductive organs.
Scientists believe the lizard fish has evolved to have reproductive tissue to maximize its chances of reproduction in the deep sea, where animals typically live further apart.
The creature is largely made up of a mouth and hinged teeth, so once it has you in its jaws there is no escape.
'The more you struggle, the further into its mouth you go.
'Being the dominant predator of the depths isn't easy though; at depths of 1,000 to 2,500 metres [3,280ft to 8,200ft] there is very little food, so lizard fish are few and far between to maximize scarce resources.'
 
455970980_1844419036047823_8791963947762802302_n.jpg.54ebd62cb82890014ca479d8eb6ff77d.jpg
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