The Aussie Humour Thread

[Buckshot Bear]

Teacher's rules Australia in 1879

 

[Buckshot Bear]

 

[Alpo]

I guess I would only get one point, as the only term I use frequently is hit the sack.

 

I assume that also means to go to bed, down there?

 

I understand about half of the others, but I don't use them.

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

8 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

 

 now we're talking real food  🙃

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

I will stick cathead biscuits and sawmill gravy eggs , BACON , ham and beef steak 

 

 with NONE of that NASTY black stuff 

 

  

[Blackwater 53393]

Cathead biscuits with fried chicken breast filet topped with bacon, tomato, cheese, and a little mayo.  Three or four eggs fried over medium with black pepper, chives, and a dusting of onion powder and sage! Four or five country sausage patties, some sausage gravy, and a couple slices of cold melon, (cantelope, honeydew, or watermelon) with your choice of coffee, iced tea, or ice cold milk!

 

GENTLEMEN! THAT  is breakfast.

[Blackwater 53393]

^^^ You may add grits or fried ‘taters, seasoned to your liking, if you’re of a mind!

[Alpo]

How many people does it take to wheel you around? Because if you eat that big of a breakfast every day, undoubtedly people have to move you around in a wheelbarrow because you're too damn fat to walk.

[Blackwater 53393]

4 hours ago, Alpo said:

How many people does it take to wheel you around? Because if you eat that big of a breakfast every day, undoubtedly people have to move you around in a wheelbarrow because you're too damn fat to walk.

 

When I eat a breakfast like that, I get my ass out and work all day!!  If you WORK and you are active, it takes a meal like that to get through the day!  A light snack at lunchtime and another around three and you’re good ‘til supper when it gets too dark to do anything!

 

That’s how we were raised and you started right after the sun started showing.

 

I got a little spoiled when I started working in the shops, but when the business day was over, we started in on the race cars or I was off to the ball field during the baseball season to work with the kids and to keep the facilities up and running.

 

Never had just a 9:00 to 5:00 job in my life!

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

my jobs , are 4 am to 10 pm most days 6 or 7 days a week 

 

 then every now and then I get a LONG day 

 

  CB 

 

  

[Buckshot Bear]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Blackwater 53393]

12 minutes ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

NOPE!!  Not a one of ‘em!

[Alpo]

34 minutes ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

I bought my granddaughter THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR.

 

I had never heard of that author but my daughter said that he was good with kids books.

 

Never heard of any of the others.

 

 

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

On 10/17/2021 at 7:08 AM, Sedalia Dave said:

 

About 12 of those hours will spent just driving across Texas

Hell, it will take her five hours to go from LAX to San Bernardino if she gets there after 4:00 pm.

[Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L]

 

[Alpo]

You know, I might could have understood her, if she didn't talk so damn fast.

 

I noticed, in Crocodile Dundee, that Paul Hogan spoke slowly. I wonder if he really talks as fast as that girl does, but when they made the movie they made him slow down so that people here in the states could understand what he was saying?

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

you SIR , are real messed up , 

 

like outta your gourd whacko 

 

  CB  

[Blackwater 53393]

1 hour ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said:

you SIR , are real messed up , 

 

like outta your gourd whacko 

 

  CB  

I think “TWISTED “ is the word you’re looking for…

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

1 hour ago, Buckshot Bear said:

I ain't right sure TWISTED , be quite strong enough 

[Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life]

18 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

Like everything else in Oz, they only look like that until they can lure you close enough to kill you!

Regards

    

Gateway Kid

[Buckshot Bear]

Captain Starlight’s Cattle Raid

Harry Readford

Henry Arthur Readford (sometimes spelt Redford) (December 1841 – 12 March 1901), was an Australian stockman, drover and cattle thief.

Although Readford himself never used, and had never been associated with the moniker, Rolf Boldrewood indicated that the 'Captain Starlight' character, in his 1882–83 novel Robbery Under Arms, was a composite of several infamous people of the era, including Readford and several bushrangers. Readford's 1870 cattle drive was a major story arc in the book.

Early life

Henry Arthur Redford was born in December 1841 near Mudgee in the Cudgegong District of New South Wales to a respectable family. Little is known of his early life. He originally operated locally, but later moved to Queensland where there were more opportunities for duffing.

Bowen Downs Station

In 1870, Redford was working as a stockman on Bowen Downs Station near Longreach in Queensland. Realising that remote parts of the property, which stretched some 228 km (142 mi) along the Thomson River, were seldom visited by station workers, he devised a plan to steal some of the station's cattle.

With two associates, George Dewdney and William Rooke, he built stockyards in an outlying part of the property, and gradually assembled a mob of about 1,000 cattle, which he then took from the property, all without any of the station workers realizing what was going on.

Redford knew the cattle would be recognised from their brands as being stolen if he tried to sell them in Queensland, so he headed for South Australia through the Channel Country and the Strzelecki Desert.

Only ten years earlier, explorers Burke and Wills had set out to cross the continent along the same track, and died in the attempt.

As a droving exercise, it was a remarkable achievement, as anyone who has travelled the present-day Strzelecki Track will know. Three months and 1,287 km (800 mi) later he exchanged two cows and a white bull for rations at Artracoona Native Well near Wallelderdine Station.

They then moved the remainder of the mob via Mt Hopeless, and sold them for £5,000 (2009:A$250,000) at Blanchewater Station, east of Marree.

Workers at Bowen Downs eventually discovered the yards, and the tracks heading south. A party of stockmen and Aboriginal trackers set out on the trail, many weeks behind Readford. They eventually reached Artracoona where they recognised the white bull.

In April 1871 Redford married Elizabeth Jane Scuthorpe at Mrs Elizabeth Nevell's home in Lewis Street, Mudgee, NSW. The couple had at least one child, a daughter, Jemima Mary Elizabeth, in 1872. Readford was apprehended in Sydney in 1872, and faced trial in Roma, Queensland.

However, the jury members were so impressed by his achievements that they found him not guilty, whereupon the judge, Charles Blakeney, remarked, "Thank God, gentlemen, that verdict is yours and not mine!" In response to the verdict, in July 1873, the Government shut down the Roma District Criminal Court for two years but rescinded the order in January 1874.

In 1881, several counts of horse stealing resulted in Readford being jailed for eighteen months in Brisbane. After his release, he drove cattle from the Atherton Tableland to Dubbo. In 1883, on behalf of Macdonald, Smith and Company, Readford drove 3,000 cattle which were the first mob taken to Brunette Downs near Corella Creek on the Barkly Tableland in the Northern Territory where he was the station manager. In 1899 he became the manager of McArthur River Station.

Later life

In 1901 Redford set off from Brunette Downs to explore Central Australia, but (in what one author would later describe as "one of the great ironies of the outback"), the man who had guided so many travelers to safety drowned on 12 March of that year, while trying to swim across Corella Creek, which had flooded due to heavy rain.

An inspiration for Captain Starlight

Readford became something of a national hero, and the character Captain Starlight in Rolf Boldrewood's book Robbery Under Arms was based in part on his exploits.

Readford was never himself known by the name of Captain Starlight, which was the pseudonym of the bushranger Frank Pearson. Pearson had adopted the name Captain Starlight in 1868, twenty one years prior to the publication of the novel in 1889, but Boldrewood himself claimed that the Captain Starlight character in his novel was a composite of several bushrangers of the era. These did include Henry Readford, but another key inspiration was Thomas Law, the bushranger better known as Captain Midnight.

In particular, the early chapters of Robbery Under Arms recall Readford's exploits, while the denouement follows the shoot-out and death of Midnight.

An annual Harry Redford Cattle Drive commemorates Readford's exploits as a drover. A range of riders from the city and country participate in this droving expedition, taking part for three days or up to three weeks, at their choice.

 

 

[Buckshot Bear]

Jaws of Death, Grampians, Victoria.

Circa 1947

[Buckshot Bear]

The idea of Anzac Day

Image: The Dawn Service at the Cenotaph circa 1931, AWM

The earliest use of the term and concept of 'Anzac Day' probably occurred in Adelaide on 13 October 1915, when the South Australian Government authorised 'a patriotic procession and carnival' to temporarily replace the traditional Eight Hours Day celebration.

The name 'Anzac Day,' was chosen through a competition, and was suggested by Robert Wheeler, a draper of Prospect.

Melbourne observed an Anzac Remembrance Day on 17 December 1915.

Both of these days were used to raise funds to provide comforts for soldiers.

The Mayor of Brisbane organised a public meeting in January 1916 to discuss commemorating Anzac Day that April, where it was resolved 'it was desirable that the first anniversary of the landing at Gallipoli should be suitably celebrated in this State, and that other States of Australia be invited to consider similar action.'

This idea soon expanded to include a public holiday, of solemn observance.

•••The idea of Anzac Day in Sydney

In Sydney, the idea of commemorating Anzac Day on 25 April 1916 appears to have occurred to many people at the same time.

Sydney City Council began discussing the commemoration of the first anniversary of Anzac in February 1916.

At a meeting of the Sydney City Council Finance Committee, Alderman James Joynton Smith said he was in favour of commemorating the day, as 'there was no doubt Anzac Day would ultimately become one of the great days in the calendar of the British Empire.'

On 29 March, Premier WA Holman announced the Government supported the idea of a national commemoration, including church services and a minute's silence, and was keen to see the day devoted to fundraising for a memorial, and recruiting.

He also said 'the whole of the arrangements' had been placed in the hands of the Returned Soldiers' Association.

•••The first Anzac Day

Sydney's first Anzac Day proceeded on 25 April 1916.

At nine in the morning every train and tram was brought to a standstill 'in order that the passengers may give three cheers for the King, the Empire, and the Anzacs.'

At 10am, 5,000 returned soldiers paraded through the city.

All government offices, and many business firms, closed from 11:30am until 2pm to enable staff to attend a combined commemoration service in the Domain, or memorial church services.

One minute's silence was declared at noon. The Lord Mayor entertained the troops at a luncheon, and various theatres held matinee performances.

Returned soldiers assisted with recruiting campaigns in city and suburbs.

The Governor-General, the Governor, the Premier and the Lord Mayor attended a commemoration concert in the Town Hall in the evening.

Throughout the day, ladies collected contributions from the public towards the Anzac Memorial Fund, raising more than £5,000 to erect a soldiers' memorial hall in the city, where returned men could meet for social purposes and obtain support and assistance.

For the duration of the war, Anzac Days followed this form – a minute's silence at 1pm, church services, and a march of troops through the city to a large military memorial service in the Domain, or the Agricultural Society's Showground at Moore Park.

After 1917 the Obelisk on Anzac Parade, near Moore Park, was the focus for Anzac Day observances. Recruiting remained a feature of the day. Suburban ceremonies also developed, many coinciding with the unveiling of memorials to honour local men who had served or fallen.

•••Anzac Day in peacetime

Australian troops did not return to great victory parades.

This was partly because their arrival home depended on available shipping, but also because of the influenza epidemic of 1919, which prevented people assembling in large numbers.

The 1919 parade through Sydney was cancelled as a result, but a public commemorative service was held in the Domain. Participants were required to wear masks and stand three feet apart.

The 25th day of April was declared a national holiday in 1920, though it was not observed in every state until 1927, partly because of opposition from businesses who were fearful of its effect on profits.

In 1929, when the Cenotaph was unveiled in Martin Place, ceremonies moved into the city.

In the early 1920s returned soldiers mostly commemorated Anzac Day informally, primarily as a means of keeping in contact with each other, rather than in a major public way.

But as time passed and they inevitably began to drift apart, the ex-soldiers perceived a need for an institutionalised reunion.

Anzac Day began to take on a distinct form. Marches, by now traditional across Australia, were followed by a service of commemoration at the memorial, after which the soldiers would disperse to clubs or hotels for refreshments and reminiscences.

 

 

 

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]