How NOT to get out of Jury Duty!

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Utah Bob #35998]

I was supposed to have jury duty today but the trial was canceled.  Never been on a Jury. Got called last year but they excused almost everybody in the jury pool of 150 people and couldn’t get the required 12+2.

Small town. Everybody knew or was related to the victim, defendant, or the sheriff. So they changed the venue.

 

Seriously....Who do I have to kill to get on a dang jury?

Wait, that didn’t come out right.

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

My wife worked for and old attorney who had been in the business since the flood.  I asked him how to get out of jury duty.

 

Wear your best boots and shine them up as much as you can.  

 

Wear a snow white western dress shirt and a blood red tie.  Buy one long enough for a Windsor knot.

 

Wear a dark suit, navy or dark grey, three piece pinstripe if you have one.

 

Get your hair cut a couple of days before.

 

Get a manicure at the same time or give yourself one before the day of the tril. 

 

If you wear glasses (I did back them) get thin black or steel metal frames.

 

Put a US flag, a military lapel pin, or something similar in your left lapel.

 

I you have ever been in a fraternity or service club put the pin on your shirt at the top right of your left pocket.

 

Wear a wedding ring or a low-key signet ring.

 

Bring a good book or magazine...anything conservative.

 

I never even got to sit down.  The guy getting out info was called over and spoke to a man who wasn't dressed as well as i

I was. then came over and told me I was dismissed and thanked me for coming in.  I asked if I had done something wrong and he said. "That man (the one he had spoken to) is the defense attorney and he didn't want you on the jury."  I asked him why and he said, "Sir, look at yourself.  You look like the picture of law and conservatism.  If you were that attorney would you want you on the jury?"

 

I never sat on a civilian jury in my life but a was on thirty four Courts Martial and was President of the Court on twenty one of them.

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

I was never even invited to serve.

[Pat Riot]

The most eye opening experience regarding “the law” I have experienced was 1 month on the Grand Jury in Clackamas County Oregon. Very enlightening. 

 

I also used used to get called for jury duty annually in SoCal but only got onto one jury panel. I made it into the jury box a number of times but usually the defense attorneys would discount me for one reason or another.

 

I always dress well for jury duty and I remember my manners, as taught to me by my grandmother. That in itself seems to have some bearing on my not being allowed on some panels.

[MizPete]

I get called fairly regularly.  My career was servicing business property/casualty insurance as an agent.  Once a plaintiff's attorney tried to describe his client's accident (the kid got smoked up and fell off something) as "s**t happens."  When he questioned me, I don't remember exactly how he put the question, but my response was "Sir, if you're asking me if I know the difference between s**t happens and tort liability, yessir, I do."  He couldn't get me outta that box quick enough.

[Smoken D]

I got called once for Grand Jury. Went to court and handed it to the prosecutor and asked if I could serve while I was testifying on some murder cases of mine since I was there every week anyway. He said he sure wished I could, but we better not. He laughed and said he would take care of it. Never got another notice except for the weekly ones.

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

Called a few times and never chosen. Dressed too conservative as suggested above.

I was a witness in a couple of trials, but the best was a bribery trail.

After I had testified as the Chairman of the Tender Opening Committee about the attempt and was dismissed, I hung around so I could brief the Mayor on my return to City Hall.

Crowded dockets meant the bribery trial was recessed while the jury of a drug trial returned it's verdict with another judge sitting in the same courtroom.

I remained where I was because  was curious.

Defendant is a pretty well dressed lady, charged with trafficing.

Jury comes in and declares her Not Guilty. Judge tells her she's free to go.

I leave with the rest of the courtroom observers to see the lady being congratulated by her biker friends, (Who had NOT been in the courtroom) 

I see a familiar face: A relation dressed like the other bikers and I just walk on.

He calls me later that night and says: "Hey Terry! You don't say Hello to you cousins??"

I said, "No Doug. I figured you were working and I didn't want to ask when you left the RCMP"

 

[The Original Lumpy Gritz]

Never been chosen in all the the times I've showed up.

Pretty sure my LEO background does it 

Last time I was called-The Judge asked the jury pool if any of us knew the arresting officers.

It was a LASD team out of LAN that was serving 'high-risk' warrants.

I raised my hand, and the judge asked which team member was it? My answer was, "all of them". 

The court room got supper quiet-----

I then informed the Judge, that their Sgt, is my SIL.

Even the Judge got a chuckle out of that, and said I could go...................

OLG

 

 

[Utah Bob #35998]

1 hour ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

The most eye opening experience regarding “the law” I have experienced was 1 month on the Grand Jury in Clackamas County Oregon. Very enlightening. 

 

I also used used to get called for jury duty annually in SoCal but only got onto one jury panel. I made it into the jury box a number of times but usually the defense attorneys would discount me for one reason or another.

 

I always dress well for jury duty and I remember my manners, as taught to me by my grandmother. That in itself seems to have some bearing on my not being allowed on some panels.

Around here the only coats and ties in the courtroom are the lawyers and judge. Blue jeans and clean overals are pretty standard.

You do need sleeves though.

[Smuteye John SASS#24774]

1 hour ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

My wife worked for and old attorney who had been in the business since the flood.  I asked him how to get out of jury duty.

 

Wear your best boots and shine them up as much as you can.  

 

Wear a snow white western dress shirt and a blood red tie.  Buy one long enough for a Windsor knot.

 

Wear a dark suit, navy or dark grey, three piece pinstripe if you have one.

 

Get your hair cut a couple of days before.

 

Get a manicure at the same time or give yourself one before the day of the tril. 

 

If you wear glasses (I did back them) get thin black or steel metal frames.

 

Put a US flag, a military lapel pin, or something similar in your left lapel.

 

I you have ever been in a fraternity or service club put the pin on your shirt at the top right of your left pocket.

 

Wear a wedding ring or a low-key signet ring.

 

Bring a good book or magazine...anything conservative.

 

I never even got to sit down.  The guy getting out info was called over and spoke to a man who wasn't dressed as well as i

I was. then came over and told me I was dismissed and thanked me for coming in.  I asked if I had done something wrong and he said. "That man (the one he had spoken to) is the defense attorney and he didn't want you on the jury."  I asked him why and he said, "Sir, look at yourself.  You look like the picture of law and conservatism.  If you were that attorney would you want you on the jury?"

 

I never sat on a civilian jury in my life but a was on thirty four Courts Martial and was President of the Court on twenty one of them.

Louis L'Amour westerns do the trick., too.

 

Last time I was called up for jury duty, I was better dressed than most of the attorneys.  That's because I think that there's 3 places you ought to dress well to go- weddings, funerals and courtrooms.

 

Sat in the jury pool room for 4 days.  I got called in for the initial pool once- a vehicular homicide case where the accused was drunk at the time of the incident.  The defense attorney asked if anyone thought that there was no excuse for drunk driving and excused all of us who raised our hands.

[Pat Riot]

When I was younger I wanted out of jury duty no matter what. I once used s line that my friend used to get booted off a panel. 

The judge asked each one of us to state if we could give and honest judgement in regards to a drunk driving hit and run case.

A friend of mine and I had vacation set up for the very next day for a 6 day camping trip.

When they got to me I said “Things would be a lot better in this state if they dropped the waiting periods for guns and put a ten day waiting period on a bottle of Jack Daniel’s”

 

We had a nice camping trip...

[Raylan]

Worked in counseling with addicts, alcoholics, suicidal, homicidal, families, etc...., got to know a lot of cops and coroner's - no attorneys ever want me on a jury - seen and know too much. 

[Sixgun Sheridan]

Once I was called to jury duty in a murder case, and when the defendant walked in I immediately recognized him as the scumbag from the news who callously slaughtered an entire family execution-style including their young children. I wasn't picked, but the trial lasted two months and in the end the SOB was spared the death penalty thanks to a single jury member who didn't believe in it. If anyone deserved some juice it was him. I guess it was a good thing I didn't get on the jury, because I might've had to stand trial soon afterwards for choking the stupid woman who spared his life.

.

[Pat Riot]

1 hour ago, Sixgun Sheridan said:

Once I was called to jury duty in a murder case, and when the defendant walked in I immediately recognized him as the scumbag from the news who callously slaughtered an entire family execution-style including their young children. I wasn't picked, but the trial lasted two months and in the end the SOB was spared the death penalty thanks to a single jury member who didn't believe in it. If anyone deserved some juice it was him. I guess it was a good thing I didn't get on the jury, because I might've had to stand trial soon afterwards for choking the stupid woman who spared his life.

.

The one case that I got picked for jury duty was quite daunting for me. There were two people on my panel that by day two took every ounce of my will power not to flail them. One was a bureaucrat meeting coordinator for an aerospace company. The other a purple died in the wool leftist woman who probably crapped bean sprouts and farted patchouli. Everything she wore was purple including her damned contact lenses. I couldn’t stand either one of them.

Because of them the perp almost got off. 

She actually said this scumbag gangbanger POS was just a misunderstood youth. 

I reminded the dipstick that this youth was 22 years old and at 22 I had already served s hitch in the Navy. I also reminded the idiot that at 18 he raped a girl and now was on trial for beating his own mother. I asked her if she’d like to take him home...

 

She came around to my way of thinking.

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

I worked at a gun store with a man who had long whiskers braided on the right side, wore moccasins and a blue chambray shirt, Indian beads and shabby Levis.

 

They took him on a drug trafficking case thinking he was a hippie,

 

SURPRISE!!!  Tommy was a mountain man who hated drugs and booze and most people.  The were a couple of other sleepers in the group and the defendant got nine years with one off for time served.

 

That's was back when California still had some good features.

[Matthew Duncan]

Called twice.  

 

First time it was for the same time my boss would be on vacation.  A two man department, I explained to the Clerk and she said I didn't have to appear.  Bummer, I want to.

 

Second time I made it to jury selection.  Drug Dealer that got caught in a sting operation was the opinion I got from the questioning.  By the afternoon they had their Jury before they had gotten to me.  Bummer again.  I did get lunch on the County.

[Major Crimes]

In Australia Service Personnel are excused (not wanted?) for Jury Duty.