Capt. James H. Callahan Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 Two Irishmen walked out of a pub. Hey, it could happen. JHC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okie Sawbones, SASS #77381 Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 Paudie goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness. The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness. When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone. The barman says: "Wow! You sure drank those fast." Paudie explains: "You would drink fast too if you had what I have." The barman asks: "What do you have?" The guy reaches into his pocket and says: "Fifty cents!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 29 minutes ago, Capt. James H. Callahan said: Two Irishmen walked out of a pub at noon into full daylight. Hey, it could happen. JHC FIFY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space. "Lord," he prays. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday." Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 What is on the concrete slab behind an irishman's house? Paddy O'Furniture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks: "Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?" The Irishman replies: "No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both." The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys. The barman asks: "Did something happen one of your brothers?" "Oh no," replies the Irishman. "I just decided to quit drinking!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cypress Sun Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, one to hold the bulb and the other to drink until the room starts spinning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okie Sawbones, SASS #77381 Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he swerved to avoid a tree, then another, then another. Officer Muldoon pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy frantically tells the cop about all the trees in the roadway. Officer Muldoon replies "For God's sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rip Snorter Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 Paddy was IRA, and caught. The Judge gave him the choice of going to jail or going to fight the Germans, he picked going to fight. On the lines, he discovered that the German snipers were lethal, and decided to return the favor. He got into a good spot, locked in to a nice prone, and tightened his sling. "Hey, Hans", a head pops up, "Yah?" Pow! He moves down the line a bit, same thing, same outcome. The third time, a German twigs, and recognizes the accent. "hey, Paddy", no response, "Hey, Paddy" still nothing. The third time, Hey, Paddy!" and reply "Is that you, Hans?" head pops up, Pow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt. James H. Callahan Posted March 12, 2022 Author Share Posted March 12, 2022 Two Irishmen were the sole survivors of a shipwreck bobbing around the sea in a lifeboat. One finds a floating bottle and opens it, and a genie pops out, says he will grant them ONE wish. One Irish says "I wish the whole sea was Guiness." Sure enough the sea turns to stout. The other Irishman begins flogging the first with his hat. "Aye, you blaggard, you've fixed us now! We'll be having to pee in the boat until we sink!" JHC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 Two Irishmen walk into a bar! The Scott behind them ducks under it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 ......... sorry, nothing to see here ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 Murphy was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery. After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, ‘Not guilty.’ ‘That’s grand,’ shouted Murphy, ‘Does that mean I get to keep the money?’ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Kit Cool Gun Garth Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car. He says: "Have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 Old Paddy calls his son, " I'm sick take me to the doctor". The doctor tells him he has cancer and about 30 days to live. Son says "what should we do"? Old Paddy " We are Irish, we go to the pub and get drunk". At the pub they run into some friends who want to know what they are celebrating, Paddy says not celebrating drowning my sorrows, I only got 30 days to live. Whats wrong they ask, "I got aids" he says. Friends decide that's terrible have a few drinks and leave. Son asks '' you told me you had cancer, you told them you had aids, whats up"? "I don't want them drunks asking your mother out after I'm gone" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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