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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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I found this among answers to the question “ What do they with with all the hats after hat tricks?

 

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They stack all the hats on top of each other and use them as load bearing hats to keep the roof from collapsing. Pretty sure that's league-wide. Arizona doesn't have a stadium specifically because they haven't scored enough hat tricks to support a roof yet.

 

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A Catholic man has just worshipped at his first traditional Latin Catholic Mass. He is exiting the front of the church where the priest is greeting his congregants. He shakes the priest’s hand and says, “The Mass was beautiful Father, but I must admit, I didn’t understand what you were saying.” The priest replies, “That’s alright, I wasn’t talking to you.”

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A man sees a sign in front of a house that says, "Talking Dog for Sale." Intrigued, he rings the doorbell. The owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The man goes to the backyard and asks the dog, "Can you really talk?" The dog replies, "Yep, I sure can!" Astounded, the man asks, "Well, what's your story?" The dog says, "I discovered my ability to talk when I was young. I worked for the government as a spy, traveled the world, and learned many secrets. But now, I'm retired, and I just enjoy chatting with folks like you." The man is amazed and asks the owner, "Why are you selling such an incredible dog?" The owner replies, "Because he's a liar! He never did any of those things!"

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A psychiatrist has twin boys, one an optimist and the other a pessimist. He wanted to know how far these personality traits would go, so on Christmas morning, he filled up the pessimist’s room with toys. Then, he filled up the optimist’s room with manure.

That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying.

“What’s wrong?” the father asked.

“I have a ton of game manuals to read… I need batteries… and my toys will all eventually get broken!” sobbed the pessimist.

Passing the optimist’s room, the father found him dancing for joy around the pile of droppings. “Why are you so happy?” he asked.

The optimist shouted, “Daddy, with all this s***, there’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”

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