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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread


Subdeacon Joe

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* I KNOW, I KNOW! IT AIN'T REALLY FUNNY!

MORE LIKE....... SAD!*

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A handsome young priest got a crush on a very pretty nun. She returned the crush. So one night, the priest sneaked into the convent and the two of them went at it. But the Mother Superior heard something and went to investigate. The priest had to make run for it out the window while the nun hastily returned to her room.

The next morning, the Mother Superior assembled all of the nuns with an announcement.

“Last night, there was a disturbing incident. We found a man’s clothing in the laundry room!”

There’s a collective gasp from all the nuns and a giggle from one nun.

“We found a used condom among the man’s clothing!”

There’s a collective gasp from all the nuns and a giggle from one nun.

“There was a hole in the condom!”

All of the nuns start giggling and one nun lets out a gasp.

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A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" asked the journalist.

"Like I'm talking to a wall."

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Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.

When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God”

 

 

Edited by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984
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2 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God”

Adding that last word greatly improves the joke.

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A Texan was visiting a Maine farmer. The Texas rancher was boasting to his host about the size of his ranch. "I can get into my pickup truck and drive all day and still not reach the boundary of my ranch," he bragged. 

The Mainer shook his head knowingly, and replied, "Aayuhh, I had a truck like that once."

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I recently spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyway......I had the Vet come and take a look at him. He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ... but they kind of taste like peppermint.

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