It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Subdeacon Joe]

6 hours ago, Alpo said:

 

Subtle!

[Alpo]

2 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

 

Subtle!

Took me a while

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

* I KNOW, I KNOW! IT AIN'T REALLY FUNNY!

MORE LIKE....... SAD!*

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A handsome young priest got a crush on a very pretty nun. She returned the crush. So one night, the priest sneaked into the convent and the two of them went at it. But the Mother Superior heard something and went to investigate. The priest had to make run for it out the window while the nun hastily returned to her room.

The next morning, the Mother Superior assembled all of the nuns with an announcement.

“Last night, there was a disturbing incident. We found a man’s clothing in the laundry room!”

There’s a collective gasp from all the nuns and a giggle from one nun.

“We found a used condom among the man’s clothing!”

There’s a collective gasp from all the nuns and a giggle from one nun.

“There was a hole in the condom!”

All of the nuns start giggling and one nun lets out a gasp.

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" asked the journalist.

"Like I'm talking to a wall."

[Alpo]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Cypress Sun]

2 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

And the bar even raised it's standards.

[Subdeacon Joe]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3lycu5J4C1/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.

When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God”

 

 

Edited February 26, 2024 by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984

[Subdeacon Joe]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C05bHJJrNi9/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

[Alpo]

2 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God”

Adding that last word greatly improves the joke.

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

4 minutes ago, Alpo said:

Adding that last word greatly improves the joke.

Yeah, it got dropped in the cut-paste and I didn’t see it till later.

[Subdeacon Joe]

I rather liked it without the last word.   In fact,  I  thought it intentional to let the men draw their own conclusions from the invoiced word.

[Sedalia Dave]

[Alpo]

1 hour ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C05bHJJrNi9/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

That was pretty good, but go down a couple to that song about Roswell. That's good.

[Alpo]

7 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A Texan was visiting a Maine farmer. The Texas rancher was boasting to his host about the size of his ranch. "I can get into my pickup truck and drive all day and still not reach the boundary of my ranch," he bragged. 

The Mainer shook his head knowingly, and replied, "Aayuhh, I had a truck like that once."

[Alpo]

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Billy Rocks]

Selling Encyclopedia Britannica 15th Edition 1974-1990 complete set.  $300 obo.   

Just got married, wife knows everything. 

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

40 minutes ago, Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 said:

  

 

 

 

      ........... looks like they want $1.15 too much .....  

[Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485]

1 hour ago, Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 said:

  

 

Be a great book to hollow out and hide a gun in, ain't nobody gonna steal it much less look inside.

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

I recently spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyway......I had the Vet come and take a look at him. He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ... but they kind of taste like peppermint.

[Subdeacon Joe]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2sSOWxu00R/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Subdeacon Joe]

https://youtube.com/shorts/qmGQKhGXBA0?si=rIWiBBU2xtr7hsZ7

[Brazos John]

5 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

https://youtube.com/shorts/qmGQKhGXBA0?si=rIWiBBU2xtr7hsZ7

Dave's not here.  

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

 

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did.

Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to his office he regretted what he had promised, deciding that the whole event was not worth the price.

So, he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear Madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment.

I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:

• 1) it had never been occupied
• 2) that there was plenty of heat
• 3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and feel at home.

Last night, however, I found it had been previously occupied, that there was no heat, and it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:

1. Dear Sir, first of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
2. As for the heat, there is heat if you know how to turn it on.
3. Regarding the space, the apartment is, indeed, of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please don’t blame the landlady!