It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Alpo]

[Sedalia Dave]

 

 

 

[Sedalia Dave]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CzJbfvKuzcR/

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Maybe HUMOR isn’t the place for this.  ))))

 

Wartime fabric rationing affected all aspects of women’s fashion in the 1940s, including hosiery — or the lack thereof. Durable, stretchy nylon stockings had only recently replaced delicate, uncomfortable silk ones in most American women’s wardrobes when they were pulled from production in favor of nylon parachutes and rope. In response, women started applying foundation to their legs to give a nylon-like effect, and brands sold “liquid stockings” for this exact purpose. Some women even completed the illusion with a false backseam drawn on in eyeliner or eyebrow pencil.

[Alpo]

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

Edited February 22, 2024 by Father Kit Cool Gun Garth

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A tourist asked the first person he saw after arriving in Honolulu, “is it pronounced Hawaii or Havaii?”

 

”Havaii”

 

”Thank you.”

 

”You’re velcome.”

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

“My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather Arabic-looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which, without missing a beat the flight attendant replied, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, &itch”

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

TWO LITTLE OLD LADIES....

Two little old ladies, Niamh and Tara, were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall in Limerick, where a flower show was in progress.

The short one, Niamh, leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore.

For €10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show"!

"You're on!", said Tara, holding up a €10 bill.

So, Niamh slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes. She grabbed a dried flower from a nearby display and held it between her teeth.

Then, completely na*ked, she streaked (as fast as an old lady could) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.

Finally, the smiling Niamh came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.

"What happened", asked Tara?

 

"I won €100 as 1st prize for 'Best Dried Arrangement'!

 

 

 

Edited February 22, 2024 by Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A bloke goes to a psychiatrist. He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It’s like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It’s driving me crazy! That’s all I think about all day”. Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won’t have any of those dreams any longer.” Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Texan flies into Sydney, gets in a taxi and asks to go to his hotel in Manly, so they have to go through the city and across the Sydney Harbour Bridge (They could take the tunnel, but that’d **** the joke!)

As they’re driving towards the city, the texan sees the Sydney tower, and asks the taxi driver “What’s that?’ Taxi driver says “Mate, That’s Sydney Tower!” Texan asks ‘How long did it take to build it?” Driver says “Dunno! I think about a year”! Texan says “Back home in Texas I own a construction company, and my boys could’ve done that job in 6 months, tops!” Driver nods, impressed!

A bit later the Texan sees the Sydney Harbour Bridge. “Hey Fella, What’s that?” Driver says “ Sydney Harbour Bridge, Mate!” ‘How long did they take to build that?” Yeah, Not sure! I think it took about 2 years!”. Texan says “My boys could’ve knocked that up in under a year, Maximum!”

As they’re driving onto the Sydney Harbour Bridge, The Texan looks out his window and sees the Sydney Opera House, he asks the Driver ‘Hey Fella, that white building down there, What’s that?”

Driver says ‘F***ed if I know mate! It wasn’t there this morning!’

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

“The moral high ground - is a good place to set up artillery…”

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Alpo]

I thought that was a picture of Wonder Woman's airplane.

 

 

 

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

1 hour ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

That's the F-117 that's on display at Davis Monthan AFB here in Tucson. You can only see it on the bus tour. 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

There was a priest who led a poor congregation. He tried everything he could to raise money with pancake breakfasts, spaghetti dinners and all kinds of raffles, but none of them brought in the money the parish needed. He was driving by the track one day and figured maybe horse racing could do it for him. He checked out a horse auction but the going rate for a good racehorse was too high for his budget.

Being a man of God and faith, the priest settled on a donkey and entered him in a race. And to the surprise of everyone except perhaps a man of faith, the donkey came in third. A headline on the next day’s Racing Form read, “PRIEST’S ASS SHOWS.”

Thus inspired, he ran the donkey a second time and this time it won. The next day’s Racing Form read, “PRIEST’S ASS OUT IN FRONT.”

The bishop by this time had heard about the priest’s racing venture, and ordered him to stop as a poor parish couldn’t easily stand up to negative publicity. The headline next day read “BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST’S ASS.”

The bishop ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey immediately so he gave it to the Mother Superior of the convent down the road. The headline read “NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN” and the bishop fainted at the breakfast table.

Mother Superior, overcome with guilt, sold the donkey to a farmer just outside the city and the Racing Form read next morning, “NUN SELLS HER ASS FOR TWENTY DOLLARS.”

They buried the bishop the next day.

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Sedalia Dave]

[Alpo]

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

How do you identify the homes of Amish rednecks?

 

 

 

 

 

dead horses up on blocks in the front yard.

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Alpo]

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

18 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

         ............ he's not ?     

[Alpo]

[Alpo]