Nickel City Dude Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Life is like toilet paper Either you are on a roll or you are taking $hit from some A$$hole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Hey Alpo, Penguins having fun on vacation... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 1 hour ago, Sedalia Dave said: Â I guess I'm charmed. Â I'm totally Knackless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dantankerous Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clay Mosby Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Forty Rod, as a Mechanical Designer for almost 25 years, That Right There Was Funny!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Â "I never remember who goes first" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dantankerous Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 ¿La persona en la derecha? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 14 hours ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said: I guess I'm charmed.  I'm totally Knackless. Lucky you. Wish I could say the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 OK, I'll risk the wrath of the Moderators: A fellow from India and an African were on a bus, in friendly debate. The Indian chap said "I'm think it would be spell WOOM." The African chap said, "No, I'm sure it's "WHOOM" An American lady said, "Excuse me gentlemen, but it's spelled WOMB The two fellows looked at the lady and the Indian chap asked, " Oh come now madam. When have you ever heard an elephant fart?"  Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dantankerous Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 5 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: OK, I'll risk the wrath of the Moderators... Â Â OK, so will I. Â A... Â Oh heck, just watch Clint Eastwood's joke in the bar in Gran Torino... Â I cain't not even start that one here. Â But now for something really good: Â An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?" The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times..." Â Â Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 19, 2017 Author Share Posted May 19, 2017 Guy shows up at the Pearly Gates...he's kinda dazed and confused. St. Peter says "Son, do you know where you are"? The guy says "Well, I guess I must be dead, these must be the Pearly Gates and you must be St. Peter". "Right you are on all three. Please give me your name so I can verify your name in the book". St Peter waved his hand over a huge golden book. The guy gives him his name and St. Peter begins looking and finally stops with his finger about half way down the page, looks up at the man and says "Son, I am truly not sure how you ended up here. I have your name here but I can find nothing whatsoever inscribed here that says that you've done anything to deserve entry into heaven". The guy implores St.Peter to look again but St. Peter can find nothing. The guy sheepishly stood there looking down at his feet. He then looks up and says "Hey, what about when I took on that band of bikers that was stirring up trouble? They were acting all big and bad, intimidating a car load of women at a rest area. Well I wouldn't stand for it and I waded in and took care of business...isn't that in the book? I saved those women"! St. Peter scoured all the pages before and after the man's name in the golden book. He looked perplexed and said "I am rather embarrassed. I don't believe this has ever happened before but I cannot find this in the book in any part of your life. When exactly did this happen"? The guy thought about it looked around, scratched his chin and said "Well, I am guessing it was about four....maybe five minutes ago". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 20, 2017 Author Share Posted May 20, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Hill, sass # 49256 Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 Ever wonder why Elk Have such long antlers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence: "Get well quick ..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week." Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 A Rabbi and a Priest were seated side by side on a flight across the country.  After a bit they began talking.  Finally the Preist asked the Rabbi if it were true that Jews didn't eat any pork products.  The Rabbi confirmed that this was true.  The priest asked, "did you ever try pork?"  "Well, once when I was a young man, before I became a Rabbi, I ate a ham sandwich", replied the Rabbi.  "How was it", asked the Priest.  "Not bad", said the Rabbi, then asked if it was true that Catholic clergy were really prohibited from having sexual relations.  The Priest said that it was, indeed, against their religion to do so.  "Did you ever have sex" asked the Rabbi.  The Priest hung his head and admitted that when he was a student, long before he became a Priest, he has had a relationship with a college girl.  The Rabbi grinned and stated, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Two old settlers , confirmed bachelors, got to talking about cooking. "I got one o' them there cookery books once, but I never could do nothin' with it." "Too much fancy work in it eh? (Yes, this was in Canada) "You've said it !! Every one of them recipes began the same way; Take a clean dish.. and that settled it for me."  Thank-you I'm here all week.  Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 22, 2017 Author Share Posted May 22, 2017 A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!' The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?' Â Â Â Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 A tourist traveling through the Texas Panhandle got into a conversation with an old cowboy and his son at a gas station. "Looks like we might get some rain" said the tourist. "Well I hope so." said the old cowboy. "Not so much for ownself, as for my boy here. I've seen it rain."  Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I'm here all week. Tell your friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Do you tell her? Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I would, unless she's rude when I say "excuse me"  One time I flew for a few hours next to a woman who had a booger hanging from her nose. I told her before we landed. Actually I just made a gesture of brushing my nose with my finger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 A tenderfoot thought he knew how to ride, so he mounted a cowpony in the corral. A moment later, he was lying in the dust. He painfully picked himself up and limped from the corral. "Man, Oh Man!" he said, "She bucked something fierce!" "BUCKED!" said a nearby cowboy. "Shucks! She only coughed!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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