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Pat Riot, SASS #13748

Joke Time! It's gettin' too serious in here...I'll start

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Do you know why they don't have a professional football team in Des Moines?  Because then the fans in Minneapolis would want one.

 

How do you confuse a cowboy?  Put him in a round room and tell him there is a nickel in the corner.

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2 hours ago, Dantankerous said:

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Now that there is funny.

 

Have a good one about Trump, democrats and the 2nd A but if I posted it AM would get me.

 

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The Turkish S/G instructions thread reminded me of this:

 

Subject: Tenjooberrymuds

  

"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"

 

(We've all experienced this!)

  

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND

"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

 

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

 

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in. Now, here goes...

 

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and a call to room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

 

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

 

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

 

Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor

sunteen???"

 

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

 

Room Service: "Ow July den?"

 

Guest: ".....What??"

 

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

 

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

 

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

 

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

 

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

 

Guest: "What?"

 

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

 

Guest: "I... don't think so."

 

Room Service: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

 

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

 

Room Service: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

 

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!!; I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

 

Room Service: "We bodder?"

 

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

 

Room Service: "Wad? !?"

 

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

 

Room Service: "Copy?"

 

Guest: "Excuse me?"

 

Room Service: "Copy...tea..meel?"

 

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

 

Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy... rye??"

 

Guest: "Whatever you say."

 

Room Service: "Tenjooberrymuds."

 

Guest: "You're welcome"

 

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".....and you do don't you!

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That's so bad it's good.

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Try dealing with an Amish contractor some time. I didn't use to be bald

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22 hours ago, Kulshan 20262 said:

That's so bad it's good.

It's what I get any time I call customer support for almost any product..... and a lot of calls from some moronic company trying to sell me something or solicit money are like that, too.

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An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too."

"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get home." True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector. He said he would put a new one on immediately.

"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

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On his first date with a beautiful woman, Tim decided to impress her with his knowledge of wine. He told the wine steward to bring a bottle of 1985 Sterling Chabernet Sauvignon from the Carneros District.

Upon tasting the wine, Tim berated the steward, "No, no, this is a 1987 Vintage from the North coast vineyards near Calistoga. Please bring me what I ordered."

The second bottle of wine was poured, and once again Tim was annoyed, "No, no, this is 1985 all right, but it's from the Mount Helena vineyards!"

Watching the drama from the bar, an old drunk came up to the table and said, "Wow, that's an impressive ability. Can You tell me what's in my glass?"

Not wanting to pass up an opportunity to impress his date, Tim sipped at the drunk's glass. "Holy Crap, this tastes like pi$$", he exclaimed and spat the mouthful out.

"That's exactly right", said the drunk. "Now tell me when and where I was born."

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1 hour ago, Whiskey Business said:

They can try.

 

And I believe in you 100%, you could fight off a bear!

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52 minutes ago, Whiskey Business said:

They can try.

I love bears, but I don't trust bears..... except in one particular: if you tick them off or get in their way THEY WILL KILL YOU if they can.

 

Usually they can.

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What round for a bear?

Guessing 12 ga 00 or 45 at the least. 

 

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 A heavy (180 grain) 357 would do. I have some 300 grain 44 loads that'll do the trick. Question is: Could you hit a charging bear? Those shotgun knocked downs and blasted Texas star are hard enough!

Bear spray is  the best bet. Just fog in a generally direction. Studies support it. Potent stuff.  I have a can. I had to test it one day in Galcier NP, to see if what still good. Sorry I did.  a sudden wind blew it right back in my face when I pulled the trigger. Ended that day of trout fishing.....

Originally bought for a pack trip WY. I thought to myself, if a bear got into the tent at night, I aint' gonna be able to see squat, hit squat, much less find my gun. Trigger and top of can  of bear spray glow in the dark.  Stuff sprays like 25-30'.

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A good bear firearm is 2 firearms:

 

.357mag or .44mag (don't die with live rounds in the chamber

.................... and ...................

.375 H&H mag, cutdown bolt action (express open sights)

      ........... or ..........

.45-70 in a 16" Marlin lever action with a rear ghost sight

 

if you let the bear get within 100 yards, you have about a 50/50 chance.  Be cool, shoot fast and straight.....feels good !!  :-)

 

That is my opinion, anyway.

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Seems I do best on the knock downs. Texas star, no problem with rifle, not so good with pistols. Never tried it with the shotgun. Hmm.

As far as tent camping goes, few stout sharpend sticks firmly planted around the tent could prove most useful.

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1 hour ago, Whiskey Business said:

What round for a bear?

Guessing 12 ga 00 or 45 at the least. 

 

Depends on the bear.  I'd go 12 gauge 3 1/2 inch Magnum with punkin balls for most bigger bears.  Black bears don't take quite as much killing, but they might surprise you, too.

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26 minutes ago, Whiskey Business said:

Seems I do best on the knock downs. Texas star, no problem with rifle, not so good with pistols. Never tried it with the shotgun. Hmm.

As far as tent camping goes, few stout sharpend sticks firmly planted around the tent could prove most useful.

Those sticks might end up with the bear using them to spit over your own campfire.

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25 minutes ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

Those sticks might end up with the bear using them to spit over your own campfire.

:lol:

Sounds like a Farside cartoon.

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12 minutes ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

Depends on the bear.  I'd go 12 gauge 3 1/2 inch Magnum with punkin balls for most bigger bears.  Black bears don't take quite as much killing, but they might surprise you, too.

Specially if it's a mama bear with her chitlins. Mostly they leave you alone as long as you don't leave food around. I do stay away from grizzly territory tho.

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Quote

 

Bear spray is similar to pepper spray but is not the same thing. Though they both contain the same active ingredient — oleoresin capsicum, bear spray contains a much lower concentration. 

A typical pepper spray used for self defense will have an oleoresin capsicum (OC) concentration of about 10% or higher. A typical bear spray has a oleoresin concentration of about 1 – 2 %.

The goal of using bear spray is to scare off an attacking bear, not cause it to become incapacitated and incur serious pain. That’s why bear spray only requires a small amount of active chemical — just enough to irritate the bear and cause it to back off.

 

That said... I think I have a .300 Winchester Mangle'um that oughtta work.  :)

 

Polar bear walks into a bar.  He sez to the bartender, "Hey man, can I.............. get a gin.............. and .............. tonic?"

 

"Sure, but what's with the big pauses?"

 

Suddenly miffed and a little offended, the bear replies, "So they help me walk in the snow, alright?!"  :angry:

 

:lol:

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6 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

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I saw things exactly that stupid the summer I worked in Yellowstone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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