Subdeacon Joe Posted October 16, 2023 Author Share Posted October 16, 2023 1 hour ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: wo Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife." "Yes, I do have a wife." "And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater." Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar. He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?" Bubba says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed-eater?" "No." "Then you're a queer." Dang! My wife and I don't have a weed eater! 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 7 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said: Dang! My wife and I don't have a weed eater! I have two. I must need a second woman. Must love good home cooking from scratch (both eating and making), shooting, hot cars, and heterosexual activities. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 I've got five. But only one of them works. For some reason I never think about throwing any of them away when it's time for the garbage to go out. When I go to get the one that works and I got to move the broken ones out of the way I think about it but that's never garbage day. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted October 16, 2023 Author Share Posted October 16, 2023 https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cxn9sZGsD9L/?igshid=NjIwNzIyMDk2Mg== 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 5 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: An American tourist was traveling through Great Britain and stopped in a pub where several chubby girls were having drinks, talking and laughing. Intrigued by an accent he’d not heard before he asked innocently “Excuse me but are you girls from Scotland?” One of them, clearly annoyed responded “No, you’re wrong, it’s Wales”. A bit nonplussed at her hostile attitude he try’s to correct himself, “I’m sorry, I should have asked if you whales are from Scotland”. He should be released from hospital in a few weeks ........... but he will always walk with a limp ...... 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kloehr Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 11 hours ago, Alpo said: I've got five. But only one of them works... Oh, you mean weed whackers! 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted October 16, 2023 Author Share Posted October 16, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 2 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and did not come home ... Police Station Sergeant: what is her height Husband: I'm not sure. More than five feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Do not know. Not thin, not really that heavy. Sergeant: Eye color? Husband: Like brown, I don't remember exactly. Sergeant: Hair color? Husband: It changes twice a year. Maybe dark brown now. I do not remember. Sergeant: What was she wearing? Husband: Can be pants, or can be a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly. Sergeant: What kind of car did she get into? Husband: She left in my jeep. Sergeant: What kind of jeep is it? Husband: 2010 Rubicon with Sprintex Supercharger with Intercooler, DiabloSport T-1000 Trinity Programmer, Teraflex Falcon 3.3 Shocks ,1350 RE Reel Drive Shafts, Method 105 Bead Locks, Toyo 37" X 13.5" Tires, Custom Olympic Off Road Front Bumper, Olympic Off Road Smuggler Rear Bumper with tire carrier, Seward Radius 4s LED Light, Seward 12" LED Light bar, 50" LED Light bar with, sPod LED switch pod with Boost gage,, Rigid LED Lights, 15# Power Tank, Rock Hard Cage, Rock Hard Under Armor, Posion Spyder Sliders, Posion Spyder Crusher Fenders, Posion Spyder Evap Armor, Posion Spyder Extreme Duty Trans-Mount Cross Member, Bushwacker rear armor, 5.13 Gears, Magnum 44 Front Axle, Off Road Evolution "C" Gussets, Cobra 75 CB Radio, Warn 10K on Front and 8K Winch on Rear, Bartact Seat Covers, Delta Quad Bar Xenon Headlamps, Tantrum LED Offroad Rock Lights, Teraflex HD Tie Rod, Teraflex Falcon Steering Stabilizer, Teraflex Alpine Long Control Arms Front & Rear, Teraflex 4" springs, Teraflex JK Performance Slotted Big Rotor Kit, TeraFlex Monster HD Forged Front Adjustable Trackbar, Teraflex Front & Rear Brake Line Kit, Teraflex Bump Stops Front & Rear, Surprise Straps, Hothead Headliner, Teraflex D-44 Diff Covers, Wild Boar Grille, Rigid Ridge Hood, Drake Hood Latch's & a Tuffy Security Drawer... Sergeant: Don't worry my friend. Let us find your jeep... 3 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 16 hours ago, Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494 said: ..... yep, a JCB"ll get 'er done .... 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted October 18, 2023 Author Share Posted October 18, 2023 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 "Awesome soon to be dead people". I like that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 1 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!” “How can I help you?” said the librarian looking up at her. “I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!” Puzzled by her complaint the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?” “It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde. The librarian said, “You must be the person who took our phone book.” 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 7 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: ......... didn't she know ? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 1 2 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions. Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case. Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap. 5 4 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 1 hour ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." My wife once asked me the same thing, and I gave her the same answer. She said, "You did "nothing" all day yesterday." "I wasn't done". 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 10 minutes ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said: My wife once asked me the same thing, and I gave her the same answer. She said, "You did "nothing" all day yesterday." "I wasn't done". “And I have a lot more of it to do!!” 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted October 19, 2023 Author Share Posted October 19, 2023 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted October 19, 2023 Share Posted October 19, 2023 Back in 1959, a cement truck crashed near Winganon, Oklahoma. By the time a tow truck arrived to haul it away, all of the cement had hardened inside the mixer, making it too problematic to move - so they just left it there. The locals have since repainted it to look like a NASA space capsule. 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted October 19, 2023 Share Posted October 19, 2023 After stopping a mugger and protecting his girlfriend, a Marine reflected on his actions and decided the criminal deserved an apology. To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head … isn’t it?! I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with crap in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]. After I called your mother or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, — on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked at the curb ….. after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car. Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you’ve chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day! Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi 2 2 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted October 20, 2023 Author Share Posted October 20, 2023 (edited) Couldn't find it on YouTube https://www.facebook.com/reel/856207146221579?mibextid=9drbnH Monster Mash Country Style by Cooper Alan Edited October 20, 2023 by Subdeacon Joe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 32 minutes ago, Subdeacon Joe said: Couldn't find it on YouTube https://www.facebook.com/reel/856207146221579?mibextid=9drbnH Monster Mash Country Style by Cooper Alan 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted October 20, 2023 Author Share Posted October 20, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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