The Aussie Humour Thread

[Buckshot Bear]

2 minutes ago, Alpo said:

A normal day in Oz

 

 

 

 

That's so we don't get bitten by octopuses on our feet  

[Rip Snorter]

15 minutes ago, Alpo said:

A normal day in Oz

 

 

A real flat top!

[Brazos John]

18 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

Dingoes do get through sometimes when wild camels smash holes in the fence

Dingoes?

Wild camels?

Cassowaries?

Y'all've got some scary things down there!

 

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

 

 

    ... but we don't got bears, or 'buzztail' snakes, or mountain lions .......  🙃

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

Y'all got plenty of other stuff to make up for that 

 

 livin' in the DEVELS pet shoppe 

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

18 minutes ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said:

 

 livin' in the DEVELS pet shoppe 

 

 

 

            .......................... guilty.  <blush>

[Buckshot Bear]

A Texan is visiting his friend in Sydney, they go out sightseeing.

The Australian shows him the harbour bridge and the Texan says “back in Texas we could build a bridge like that in 2 weeks.”

The Australian then shows him St Mary’s cathedral and the Texan says “back home we could throw up a building like that in maybe a week!”

Frustrated, the Australian takes him to the Sydney Opera House.

“Wow,” says the Texan. “What’s that?”

“No idea, mate” says the Aussie, “it wasn’t there yesterday!”

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

On 2/6/2025 at 1:51 PM, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

 

 

    ... but we don't got bears, or 'buzztail' snakes, or mountain lions .......  🙃

We can fix ya up wit a few.

[Buckshot Bear]

A marine was gravely injured at Guadalcanal, and was evacuated to a hospital in Perth.

After his emergency surgery, he slowly came out of unconsciousness seeing a bright white lit room, with an angelic face peering down at him.

Struggling, he croaked “did…I…come…here…to…die?”

The beautiful Aussie nurse beamed a big smile to the Marine and replied: “No dearie! You came here yes-tah-die!”

[Buckshot Bear]

Bangers and mash with onion gravy, an Aussie favourite when I was growing up. 

 

[Buckshot Bear]

My photo, a little up the road from our home looking to the West from the Coast. 
That peak that you can see in the distance was named 'Pigeon House Mountain' by Captain Cook when he navigated up the East Coast of Australia when he saw it on April 21, 1770

[Alpo]

I wonder who first came up with the idea of putting gravy on sausage?

 

My father used to put fried eggs on top of pancakes. That seemed disgusting to me when I was a kid, but I tried it as an adult and it's very good.

 

And because I put syrup on the eggs and pancakes, some ran over onto the sausage.

 

Now that is extremely good. The sweetness of the syrup combining with the spicy of the sausage. And I came across it accidentally.

 

I assume that somebody came across the idea of putting gravy on sausage accidentally. Because it doesn't seem like something you would do on purpose.

[Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life]

1 hour ago, Buckshot Bear said:

Bangers and mash with onion gravy, an Aussie favourite when I was growing up. 

 

Now that looks delicious!

Regards

    
Gateway Kid

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

without the peas , it might make the cut 

[Eyesa Horg]

12 hours ago, Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life said:

Now that looks delicious!

Regards

    
Gateway Kid

Better without the peas and onions! Could substitute green beans!

[Alpo]

I would prefer the potatoes to just be diced and boiled. I don't like the texture of mashed potatoes. I like to chew my food.

 

That's one of the reasons I don't like English peas. Or sweet peas, or green peas, or whatever you might call them things. They're mushy. Yuck.

[Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life]

Peas are a treat for me! And onions make everything better! Mashed potatoes as leftovers make great potato pancakes the next morning. Of course as presented there wouldn’t be any leftovers!

Regards

    
Gateway Kid

[Buckshot Bear]

[Alpo]

I assume you crushed the match heads between the two bolts, and it popped?

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

3 minutes ago, Alpo said:

I assume you crushed the match heads between the two bolts, and it popped?

 

You'd lose a finger that way (you could anyway) you threw them.....but it was touch and go how far you screwed those bolts in!
 

 

Edited February 8, 2025 by Buckshot Bear

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[John Kloehr]

1 hour ago, Buckshot Bear said:

That "Toughen up, buttercup." I grew up with "Walk it off!" Not so much an insult as a lack of sympathy. Maybe I don't understand the context.

[Buckshot Bear]

7 minutes ago, John Kloehr said:

That "Toughen up, buttercup." I grew up with "Walk it off!" Not so much an insult as a lack of sympathy. Maybe I don't understand the context.

 

My football coach was fond of "Suck it up buttercup". 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

15 minutes ago, Buckshot Bear said:

 

My football coach was fond of "Suck it up buttercup". 

“Football” was rugby?

[Buckshot Bear]

20 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

“Football” was rugby?

 

Yes, soccer wasn't a 'thing' when I was growing up here. 

[Blackwater 53393]

33 minutes ago, Buckshot Bear said:

 

My football coach was fond of "Suck it up buttercup". 

Mine’s favorite was “Rub a little dirt on it and go on!”

[Buckshot Bear]

An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

Long

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.

The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus", he says.

Well, the Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him: "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me". The bartender pours Jesus a Guinness. Jesus looks over, raises his glass in thanks and drinks.

Then the Australian calls out: "Oy you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus or what?" Jesus nods and says: "Yes, I am Jesus". The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a pot of Fosters for Jesus which Jesus accepts with pleasure.

The Brit then calls out: "Oii whack, would you be Jesus"? Jesus smiles and says: "Yes, I am Jesus". The Brit beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a Tom Collins for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the table.

Finally, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches our three friends. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement:

"Oh God! The arthritis is gone! The arthritis I've had for years is gone! It's a miracle"! Jesus then shakes the Australian's hand, thanking him for the lager.

Upon letting go, the Australian's eyes widen in shock: "By jingo mate, the migraine! The migraine I've had for 40 years is completely gone it's a miracle"!!!

Jesus then goes to approach the Brit who says: "Back off, mate! I'm on Disability"!

[Buckshot Bear]

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

13 hours ago, John Kloehr said:

That "Toughen up, buttercup." I grew up with "Walk it off!" Not so much an insult as a lack of sympathy. Maybe I don't understand the context.

 

 

 

 

 

 

          ....................... nailed it !

 

🙃

[Sedalia Dave]

11 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

Then the Australian calls out: "Oy you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus or what?" Jesus nods and says: "Yes, I am Jesus". The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a pot of Fosters for Jesus which Jesus accepts with pleasure.

 

FOSTERS!!!!!

 

 

🤣 

Edited February 9, 2025 by Sedalia Dave

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

5 hours ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

FOSTERS!!!!!

 

 

🤣

 

  ..... yeah, Jesus isn't from Australia, ........ and is too polite to not accept ......

 

       🙃

[Alpo]

3 hours ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

 

  ..... yeah, Jesus isn't from Australia, ........ and is too polite to not accept ......

 

       🙃

This comment, about Jesus not being from Australia, made me think of this scene.

 

 

Well the pope may be French, but Jesus is English. You're on.