LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L Posted May 18, 2022 Posted May 18, 2022 Been teaching the dog to beg. Last night, she came home with $42.80.
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted May 18, 2022 Posted May 18, 2022 If your morning coffee hurts your eyes ... ..... try taking the spoon out first ......
LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L Posted May 18, 2022 Posted May 18, 2022 After a particularly hectic day, I told the wife I wanted "Mistakes Were Made" engraved on my headstone when I die. Without missing a beat, she quipped, "wasn't that on your birth certificate?"
Buckshot Bear Posted May 19, 2022 Posted May 19, 2022 1 minute ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said: That's Australia !!!!!!!
Sedalia Dave Posted May 19, 2022 Posted May 19, 2022 4 hours ago, LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L said: After a particularly hectic day, I told the wife I wanted "Mistakes Were Made" engraved on my headstone when I die. Without missing a beat, she quipped, "wasn't that on your birth certificate?" Now that my keyboard and screen are clean.
LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L Posted May 19, 2022 Posted May 19, 2022 Yesterday, I read an in depth article about the health risks and dangers of over indulging in alcohol. Today, I decided to be proactive about the situation. I decided to give up reading.
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted May 20, 2022 Posted May 20, 2022 I became confused when I heard the word Service used with these agencies: Internal Revenue Service U.S. Postal Service Telephone 'Service Cable TV Service Civil Service State, City, County & Public Service This is not what I thought 'Service' meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. You are now as enlightened as I am. Service
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted May 20, 2022 Posted May 20, 2022 "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old. "No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a race horse on a flat track; no problem at all." "So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?" "No, I have one every morning at 6:30." Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?" "I don't wake up until 7:00."
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted May 20, 2022 Posted May 20, 2022 3 hours ago, Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 said: I became confused when I heard the word Service used with these agencies: Internal Revenue Service U.S. Postal Service Telephone 'Service Cable TV Service Civil Service State, City, County & Public Service This is not what I thought 'Service' meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. You are now as enlightened as I am. Service Old buddy, I learned that in junior high school, way back before they invented the metric system. When are you folks coming back up my way?
Alpo Posted May 20, 2022 Posted May 20, 2022 2 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said: Several years ago a co-worker told me, jokingly I'm sure, that when the race war started he was coming to my house. I told him if he showed up at my house I would shoot him off the front porch, and then drag his corpse out into the middle of the street. If we had no police, that is what I would do with a home invader. Drag his corpse out into the middle of the street and leave it there.
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