Jump to content
SASS Wire Forum

We need a sticky cartoon thread


Recommended Posts

image.png.009122f74f56e8c7ee712bbd5f08614e.png

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 7
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Ohio-Area Turtles Develop Sudden Interest In Pizza, Martial Arts

image.thumb.png.e826932264c4cb69f769808303a2e47e.png

U.S. · Feb 24, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

EAST PALESTINE, OH — In a bizarre development, turtles around Ohio have reportedly been spotted hanging around pizza parlors and practicing a wide variety of martial arts.

"I'm telling you, the turtle could talk," said local woman Alisha Hill, who claimed to have seen a turtle emerge from the sewer. "He asked me which way to the pizza parlor, then ran away doing random front-flips. I know what I saw!"

"I'm pretty sure he even shouted, 'Cowabunga!'"

Though the mysterious turtle sightings were initially dismissed as a hoax, dozens of eyewitnesses have come forward with similar stories. "Our pizza joint was packed when one of these turtles came riding in on a skateboard and ordered four large pepperoni pies," said Jon Remy, owner of Paisano's Pizza. "Frankly, he was pretty juvenile. The last thing our town needs right now is a wave of monster turtles acting like little punks."

While many locals have described the turtles as a "frightening menace", local reporter April O'Neil has adamantly defended them. "They're young, ok? And they're only trying to help the city," explained Ms. O'Neil. "I have exclusive footage from last week showing these turtles helping ward off a group of dangerous lizard people trying to invade from D.C. They're heroes in a half-shell, so to speak."

At publishing time, reports had also surfaced that local rats were also taking a liking to martial arts, particularly "ninjutsu".

  • Like 1
  • Haha 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.