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did the chemo do it or the radiation?


Trigger Mike

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wonderful wife of many years takes chemo and radiation and after 2 months becomes irritable, which seems normal. two weeks after everything stops until extra chemo starts in a month she has changed to a paranoid, jealous, bitter hard to live with woman. where did my wife go and will i get her back? she refuses to discuss even temporary emotional help, especially pill form. Did the chemo do this which means more of the same or did the radiation do it and eventually wear off or is it permanent? She gets upset if anyone, especially a woman brings food or cleans the house.

 

for example, A month ago We took a recent divorced friend whose daughter is the same age as mine to church and a Christmas parade and my wife said i should move in with her tonight she said she would buy a small house and live out her days away from us.

 

her prognosis is good according to the doctors,

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I don't think it's either.

 

It's emotional. She's scared and instead of talking about it - the unknowns and the fears - it's easier, for her, to just be mad.

 

I don't know how to go about getting her to open up, face the fears, and realize she has you for unconditional support but I wish both of you the best in working through it all.

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Its normal after all that, you hang in there it will get better. It just takes time she as been through a lot of changes. And you are the only person she feels safe to vent on.

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She has been through a life altering experience. Her oncologist should be able to help. You should contact him or her immediately! My wife ad a wonderful group of doctors and the chief oncologist gave her emotional support all the way. The road is not an easy one.

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Please don't think "a pill" is going to make it better. Anti depressants cannot specifically target emotional issues. They are hit or miss because everyone is different. Therefore, "the doctor" will prescribe several, in a shotgun effect. They can very easily change the patient's personality to where it will never self-correct. The patient becomes compliant, but is not "normal. It's often harder on the spouse than the patient because you spend a huge amount of your day in a supportive role. It's time well spent. I suggest you get counseling for yourself and be very wary of any "medical professional" who suggests you or your spouse start taking anti depressants. For every text book success story, there are a dozen or more zombies created. I suggest that you refuse to allow her to hole up in the house and sleep. Take her out just to drive around. Watch her diet carefully; get her to do weight watchers and focus on that. Keep her hydrated (3 - 4 qts water per day) and keep her electrolytes up. Help her do her household chores. Keep her moving, eating and drinking properly and being focused on a normal routine even if you're doing most of it. Keep her out of bed during daylight hours..

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As a cancer survivor of almost 20 years (3 major surgeries, 2 different sessions of chemo & rad), I can tell you it's am emotional roller coaster! The only thing that helped me was I kept working the whole time as it kept my mind off of my situation a little. There is some good information & advice in the previous posts. I hope it helps.

 

My prayers are with you both.

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Just finished eight weeks of radiation. I can tell you it's not the radiation that causes that problem. Thinking positive and being upbeat will help in this struggle you and your wife are in. Prayers are up for you pard.

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My wife (retired RN and Certified Case Manager) says that the toxins in the Chemo very frequently cause this sort of reaction.

The toxins are affecting your wife's brain and causing her to react this way. You should definitely let her doctor know as he will be familiar with this and can reassure you.

The good news is that she will get over this when the toxins are out of her body.

 

Duffield

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Yes it can be the chemo. It can also be the stress or a combination of the two. I would certainly chat with her oncologist. They may be able to adjust her "coctail". You might also inquire about a cancer/chemo support group. They can offer invaluable help to your wife as well as yourself.

 

Prayers up for the both of you. It's tough. We're here for you.

 

Calamity Kris (2 year survivor)

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I've never dealt with cancer in my family (thank you, Almighty Father!), but we've had out share of health issues and the emotional toll it takes is somewhat similar to what it sounds like you and your wife are going through.

 

Have you considered finding a cancer support group? You know, a place where the two of you can go where you can talk about these problems with other people who are having the same sorts of things happening in their lives? It might do your wife good.

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I wish shed pick a stranger to vent on. odd that if I leave to go hunting she's a lot nicer when I get back.

 

If that's the case maybe she's trying to take care of you as much as you're trying to take care of her, and it's wearing her down. My wife fought cancer for a year before it finally took her down, and she was as worried about the rest of us as she was about herself. It really frustrated her that she was too sick from the chemo to do much for us.

 

We didn't find radiation to have much affect on her overall mood or how well she felt. One thing that did affect her mood somewhat was the steroid they gave her to keep down inflammation. (Prednisone.)

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Take the time daily to tell your wife how much she means to you and that you love her forever, "no matter what." I went through something similar with my wife. She has 2 terminal cancers and has lived 5 years past predictions. Chemo, prednisone, radiation, hair loss etc. all combine to make a woman feel terrible about themselves, it is your job to reassure her. Oh yeah, we both got through it.

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You may be pleased to hear that you mean so much to her in her fear that she can unload it on you.

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