It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485]

[Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485]

[Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485]

[Alpo]

[Sedalia Dave]

The poem of Fibonacci by Brian Bilston

 

Edited November 21, 2023 by Sedalia Dave

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

https://youtube.com/shorts/OZ8XemiQD6Y?si=ZAPuEGRTtxOtYiil

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A grown son decides to call his mother. The phone rings and she answers with a weak, shaky voice; “Hello”. The son says, “Ma, you don’t sound too good are you OK?”.

She answers with “well son, I haven’t eaten in over a month”.

“But why Ma?”

Well, I didn’t want to be in the middle of a meal in case you called.

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Alpo]

[DeaconKC]

8 hours ago, Alpo said:

Left elbow in 3..2..1...

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

People enjoy being offended:

[Subdeacon Joe]

Do you know the nine rules for the Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner cartoons?

.

1. THE ROAD RUNNER CANNOT HARM THE COYOTE EXCEPT BY GOING “BEEP BEEP!”

.

2. NO OUTSIDE FORCE CAN HARM THE COYOTE—ONLY HIS OWN INEPTITUDE OR THE FAILURE OF THE ACME PRODUCTS.

.

3. THE COYOTE COULD STOP ANYTIME—IF HE WERE NOT A FANATIC. (REPEAT: “A FANATIC IS ONE WHO REDOUBLES HIS EFFORT WHEN HE HAS FORGOTTEN HIS AIM.”—GEORGE SANTAYANA

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4. NO DIALOGUE EVER, EXCEPT “BEEP BEEP!”

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5. THE ROAD RUNNER MUST STAY ON THE ROAD—OTHERWISE, LOGICALLY, HE WOULD NOT BE CALLED ROAD RUNNER.

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6. ALL ACTION MUST BE CONFINED TO THE NATURAL ENVIRONMENT OF THE TWO CHARACTERS—THE SOUTHWEST AMERICAN DESERT.

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7. ALL MATERIALS, TOOLS, WEAPONS, OR MECHANICAL CONVENIENCES MUST BE OBTAINED FROM THE ACME CORPORATION.

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8. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, MAKE GRAVITY THE COYOTE’S GREATEST ENEMY.

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9. THE COYOTE IS ALWAYS MORE HUMILIATED THAN HARMED BY HIS FAILURES.

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A guy at a bar was just looking at his drink.

He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking.

Here, I'll buy you another drink.

I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life.

First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office.

My boss, outrageous, fires me.

When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen.

The police said that they can do nothing.

I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there.

The cab driver just drives away."

I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener.

I leave home and come to this bar.

And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you showed up and drank my poison."

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Backfired campaign….

 

Coca-Cola once held a promotion in Canada. They randomly printed an English word and a French Word inside bottle caps to one of their products.

Why they thought this was a good idea or how this made any sense whatsoever is beyond me.

Anywhoo….

They wound up apologizing to a family because their bottle cap said, "YOU RETARD" on it.

In French, the word 'retard' means 'late'.

Whoops!

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Jimmy Piersall……didn’t stand for any shenanigans.

Jimmy came to bat against the Yankees. Whitey Ford was pitching.

Whitey had hit a batter a couple of innings back.

Piersall tells Yogi,

….”If that S.O.B. hits me, I’m going to take this bat and beat him to death. They think I’m crazy.”

Yogi’s response,

….”We don’t hit .220 hitters”….

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Sedalia Dave]

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

[Sedalia Dave]

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."

[Sedalia Dave]

[John Kloehr]

[Subdeacon Joe]

When the baptism font just won't work

 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

1 hour ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

When the baptism font just won't work

 

Figured that why I saw small churches on the shores of the Dnieper.

[Alpo]

[Subdeacon Joe]

 

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Subdeacon Joe]

[Alpo]