It's Almost Friday Humor Thread

[Alpo]

It was probably Olive's fault. Can't trust her.

[Sedalia Dave]

 

 

 

[Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life]

5 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

 

As for the first, not sure how I missed you at Thanksgiving dinner or how you snuck a camera into the house but very accurate!
In the second are you trying to say that is NOT the cast of of the original GOT? Next you will be claiming the number of the Holy Hand Grenade is not three, nay you will put forth that it is four! 
Blasphemy sez I !!!

Regards

    

Gateway Kid

[Subdeacon Joe]

19 minutes ago, Gateway Kid SASS# 70038 Life said:

In the second are you trying to say that is NOT the cast of of the original GOT? Next you will be claiming the number of the Holy Hand Grenade is not three, nay you will put forth that it is four! 
Blasphemy sez I !!!

 

 

Nay, Good Sir, Gentle Pard!  The Sacred Number being three, and three being the Sacred Number, the number of the count shall always be three when pertaining to things sacred, and three shall always, when referring to things sacred, be the number of the count, unless thou countest to the next Sacred Number, that being the number of Forty, The which should not be confused with our beloved Forty which being translated is also Furlong, which would for the Holy Hand Grenade be both silly and dangerous.
Neither shall the count tarry at two, nor continue to four, unless thou then proceedest to the Sacred Number of Forty. 

[sassnetguy50]

[Blackwater 53393]

8 hours ago, sassnetguy50 said:

JUST…

 

 

 

walk away!

[Alpo]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

A blonde burnette and a redhead all agree that they are going to have a swimming contest to see who is the fastest swimmmer across a lake. they all agree that they are going to use breaststroke to race the redhead comes in first with an hour and a half the bunette comes in second with two hours and the blonde comes finally in last with 4 hours. she walks up to the judges stand and says i hate to be a sore loser but i think the other two girls were using their arms

[Sedalia Dave]

 

If only.

[John Kloehr]

46 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

If only.

Sounds like karma.

[Sedalia Dave]

 

 

[Alpo]

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

  

 

[Alpo]

[Bad Bascomb, SASS # 47,494]

  

 

[Subdeacon Joe]

I have no idea who the people in the top image are.

 

[Alpo]

There is, as I understand it, a form of rock and roll that comes from Korea. It is known as K-pop. I am going to assume that the people in the top image are a K-pop band.

 

As to which one - I have no clue.

[Sedalia Dave]

29 minutes ago, Alpo said:

There is, as I understand it, a form of rock and roll that comes from Korea. It is known as K-pop. I am going to assume that the people in the top image are a K-pop band.

 

As to which one - I have no clue.

Not a band. Photo from the 1992 LA riots. When the rioters attacked Korea Town, rather than call 911 the residents took up arms and defended their homes and businesses. 
 

When seconds count the police are minutes away. In this case the police were days away and the Korea Town residents exercised their 2nd Amendment rights. 

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Samuel Clemens, Mark Twain, was quite sickly in his first ten years.

 

When Twain’s mother was in her 80s, he asked her about his early years of ill health and whether she was “uneasy” about him. “Yes, the whole time,” she replied. “Afraid I wouldn’t live?” asked Twain. “No,” she said, “afraid you would.” 

[Alpo]

46 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

Not a band. Photo from the 1992 LA riots. When the rioters attacked Korea Town, rather than call 911 the residents took up arms and defended their homes and businesses. 
 

When seconds count the police are minutes away. In this case the police were days away and the Korea Town residents exercised their 2nd Amendment rights. 

That's the bottom picture. Joe expressed confusion about the top picture. The boys and the girls with the blonde and the purple hair.

[Sedalia Dave]

16 minutes ago, Alpo said:

That's the bottom picture. Joe expressed confusion about the top picture. The boys and the girls with the blonde and the purple hair.

K-Pop band iKon.  

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

Many people don't know a relentless horde of rabbits once attacked Napoleon. There are a couple of versions of this story. Most agree it happened in July 1807, after Napoleon signed the Treaties of Tilsit (which ended the war between the French Empire and Imperial Russia). Looking to celebrate, the emperor proposed a rabbit hunt, asking Chief of Staff Alexandre Berthier to make it happen. But something strange happened. When Berthier released the rabbits from their cages, they didn't scurry in fright. Instead, they bounded toward Napoleon and his men. Hundreds of fuzzy bunnies gunned it for the world's most powerful man.

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

1 hour ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

Many people don't know a relentless horde of rabbits once attacked Napoleon. There are a couple of versions of this story. Most agree it happened in July 1807, after Napoleon signed the Treaties of Tilsit (which ended the war between the French Empire and Imperial Russia). Looking to celebrate, the emperor proposed a rabbit hunt, asking Chief of Staff Alexandre Berthier to make it happen. But something strange happened. When Berthier released the rabbits from their cages, they didn't scurry in fright. Instead, they bounded toward Napoleon and his men. Hundreds of fuzzy bunnies gunned it for the world's most powerful man.

 

 ..... so, that part of "Monty Python's Holy Grail" wasn't all that fictional ?  

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

23 minutes ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

 

 ..... so, that part of "Monty Python's Holy Grail" wasn't all that fictional ?  

"Monty Python's Holy Grail" was fictional?

[Alpo]

1 hour ago, Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770 said:

"Monty Python's Holy Grail" was fictional?

 

Are you sure?

 

I was sure that I read in that great historian Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur, how "a moist bint flung a scimitar at him".

[John Kloehr]

18 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

I have no idea who the people in the top image are.

 

Top pic is K-pop band Ikon.

 

Bottom pic is LA riots.

 

Meme mashed up and making the rounds in various forms because K-pop idol Jinhwan has enlisted a few months ago.  I heard two members were enlisting, but can only find this at at moment:

 

https://www.indiatoday.in/korean-wave/story/ikons-jinhwan-starts-his-military-enlistment-informs-fans-on-instagram-2403440-2023-07-07.

Edited November 27, 2023 by John Kloehr

[Alpo]

[Sedalia Dave]

[Blackwater 53393]

53 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

I’d be dead from alcohol poisoning!!

[Alpo]

[Sedalia Dave]

 

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER:

 

Moved to North Dakota this fall. We heard that summers are fun and winter is beautiful. We think there is no more beautiful a place in the whole world!

 

December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

 

December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

 

December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

 

December 14 - Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

 

December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

 

December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

 

December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God! I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

 

December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but. they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

 

December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob-who has a plow on his truck-for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

 

December 23 - Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago. She says she did but I think she's lying.

 

December 24 - 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then he comes down the street...at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents...but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

 

December 25 - Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to feed her through a chipper shredder.

 

December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

 

December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $4,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

 

December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

 

December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

 

December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

 

January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed ???

 

-Author Unknown

[Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770]

5 minutes ago, Sedalia Dave said:

 

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER:

 

Moved to North Dakota this fall. We heard that summers are fun and winter is beautiful. We think there is no more beautiful a place in the whole world!

 

December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

 

December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

 

December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

 

December 14 - Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

 

December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

 

December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

 

December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God! I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

 

December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but. they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

 

December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob-who has a plow on his truck-for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

 

December 23 - Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago. She says she did but I think she's lying.

 

December 24 - 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then he comes down the street...at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents...but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

 

December 25 - Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to feed her through a chipper shredder.

 

December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

 

December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $4,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

 

December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

 

December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

 

December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

 

January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed ???

 

-Author Unknown

And THAT'S why I live in Arizona. I've NEVER had to shovel sunshine.

Edited November 28, 2023 by Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770