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The Aussie Humour Thread

Buckshot Bear

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14 hours ago, Alpo said:

A lot of grocery carts now have cup holders. Cans of soda, cups of coffee, bottled water.


Beer? I don't think so.

If it fits, it ships!

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40 minutes ago, Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001 said:

I be startin' to think , 


  y'all be a mite off kelter 




It's just the blood rushing to their heads being upside down down under!:P

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6 hours ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

I bet you don’t have vegemite spoons.





My ex-wifes' 1/2 brother used to eat vegemite off a spoon; but he just used any old spoon, not a special, personalized one ........ he was ...... ummm, ..... "different"  :wacko:

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A college professor was doing a study, testing the senses of first graders, by using a bowl of Lifesavers.

He gave all the children the same kind of Lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.

The children began:





Finally the professor gave them all a HONEY-flavoured Lifesaver.

After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," he said, "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spat out her Lifesaver, and yelled

"Oh My God! Spit them out everyone.

They're arseholes!"

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On a similar note, and having absolutely nothing to do with Australia.


In the Harry Potter series they have a type of candy called "every flavor beans". They're jelly beans, but they got every possible flavor. Broccoli, charcoal, booger, whatever you could think of.


At the end of one of the books - I think it's the first one but I wouldn't swear to it - Harry is in the hospital and professor Dumbledore has come to see him. And because Harry is in the hospital everyone has sent him candy.


The professor said that he used to like the every flavor beans until one day he got a vomit flavored one. Hadn't had one since. But he would give them a try again. As he picked up a tan colored one, he says, "A nice toffee should be safe".


Chewed it a little bit, and said, "Alas. Ear wax".

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