Alpo Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 We get home from our walk and walking back to the house, and she pulls me over into the front grass, flops down on her back and starts wiggling. Okay, I understand. Scratching her back. Then she stops wiggling and just lays there. On her back. With her feet in the air. And her mouth open about an inch. But her tail is wagging. I tell her that dead dogs do not wag their tail, and she stops. Then her nose starts to twitch like she's going to sneeze. I tell her dead dogs do not wiggle their nose, and she stops. So we stay in there for about 5 minutes - me and my dead dog. I poke her with my cane, because that is my understanding of what you do with something that is dead - poke it with a stick. Then I tell her that this is long enough - that we need to go in. She ignores me. I tell her she would be more convincing as a dead dog if her belly quit going up and down. She did not stop breathing. But otherwise... A car driving by stops and a lady gets out and runs up in the yard. "Oh what happened to her?" Idjit dog jumps to her feet and runs over to get petted. I tell the lady that she had just decided, on her own, to play dead. The lady says she thought she was dead. She had told her friend to stop. "We have to stop. I know that guy, and his puppy's dead." This is not the first time her dead act has got some sympathetic driver by to stop. Worthless damn dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 She needed a belly rub? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tex Wilson Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 A video would have been awesome! Maybe next time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perro Del Diablo Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Hmmm dog gets someone to stop and pet her. Who is the idget? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Original Lumpy Gritz Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 She's the best friend you will ever hope to have. Also, she has trained you well. OLG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finagler 6853 Life Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Only you Alpo. Only you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Bob #35998 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Tragic. Canine narcolepsy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 44 minutes ago, The Original Lumpy Gritz said: Also, she has trained you well. I'll have to give you a big 10-4 on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oklahomabound Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 I understand the joke in that last one, and it's even funny. But it's the build-up. Why would anyone wish to buy dead batteries? It's great for the parts house. If they can sell you a dead battery for a dollar, they don't have to pay hazardous disposal $3 to take it. And they've already charged the customer the $3 disposal fee, so it's a win-win. But what would be the purpose? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 17 minutes ago, Alpo said: I understand the joke in that last one, and it's even funny. But it's the build-up. Why would anyone wish to buy dead batteries? It's great for the parts house. If they can sell you a dead battery for a dollar, they don't have to pay hazardous disposal $3 to take it. And they've already charged the customer the $3 disposal fee, so it's a win-win. But what would be the purpose? Parts house buys your dead battery for a dollar. They then sell it to the recycler for three. Make $2 in the process Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 That's an offer to buy? I thought it was an offer to sell. So you're saying that when I go to Pep Boys and buy a new battery, and they charged me a $3 disposal fee, then they turn around and sell it to a recycler for another $3? Whata buncha crooks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Perhaps your dog actually got you to “play fence post”...Didya think of that? Your training is ongoing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 If she was a he, and peed on my leg, I could see where she was getting me to play "fence post". But since she isn't, and she didn't, I don't understand what you're talkin' about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smoken D Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Better than a parrot yelling out the window, "Helllllp!" sounding like a little ole lady. I know the results of that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imis Twohofon,SASS # 46646 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Mebbe the dawg is trying to fix you up with a lady. A nice one stopped cause she thought the dawg was dead. You said it had happened before... Imis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 14 minutes ago, Imis Twohofon,SASS # 46646 said: Mebbe the dawg is trying to fix you up with a lady. A nice one stopped cause she thought the dawg was dead. You said it had happened before... Imis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted January 20, 2020 Author Share Posted January 20, 2020 Back before Worthless, when Big Brown Dog was still alive, I had this thought. I have heard, many times, that "walking a dog is a good way to meet chicks". But most of the human people of the female persuasion that I would run into when walking the dog were young. Quite young. EXTREMELY young. Like "Junior high and elementary school" young. And the ones that weren't young were old. Late 80s and up. And there I was in my mid-fifties. So one day as we are out and about we meet this lady of approximately the right age. And she's good looking. Win-win. I say good afternoon, she says good afternoon back. Then she says, "That's a beautiful dog. Chesapeake, right? My husband and I have two labs." In my experience, dogs are overrated for meeting women. They usually turn out to be either too young, too old, or too married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 I too have heard that dogs or young sisters are "chick bait." I heard this from my brother (8 years older) once when he took me to the "soda fountain" with him. That was the only time he took me anywhere while we were children. So, I guess it depends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perro Del Diablo Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 7 minutes ago, Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 said: I too have heard that dogs or young sisters are "chick bait." I heard this from my brother (8 years older) once when he took me to the "soda fountain" with him. That was the only time he took me anywhere while we were children. So, I guess it depends. Went to a store when my son was a new born. 2 girls came up and started talking to me about him. His mother was standing next to us and they hardly acknowledged her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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