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He got tired of being the butt of so many jokes....

Are you shivering so much that you double tapped without meaning to?

Those cowboys have a right to be concerned. Those pistols all have "Hare" triggers!

I resemble this. I do not like any temp below 75 or so. I do not like Yuma winters, but I don't know anyplace else to go that's warmer. PF I resemble this. I do not like any temp below 75 or so. I do not like Yuma winters, but I don't know anyplace else to go that's warmer. PF

I LIKE THINGS THAT WORK It used to be a winning poker hand. In less than one-half of one heartbeat, it was a fluttering spray of pasteboards -- that is, it was one of several such sprays. Colorful, light-catching, just like the glitter of coin launched into the air when an anonymous boot kicked the underside of the table and those nearest the sledgehammer concussion took pains to lose altitude in a hurry. A pale eyed deputy Sheriff, less than a week in town, tracked down a man who swore no man could track him; he'd braced him in the town he'd bragged no lawman would ever dare enter, and he'd just outdrawn the man who'd let it be known that no man alive could out-draw or out-shoot him. Later, after the inquest, the circuit riding judge asked the quiet, lean-faced lawman with the thousand-mile stare, "Deputy, why are you still carrying that old Colt? Surely you can afford one of those new cartridge revolvers!" Deputy Sheriff Linn Keller, the day before he became Sheriff of Firelands, looked the circuit riding Judge in the eye and said quietly, "Your Honor, that revolver was given me by a man who knew I would need a faithful friend who could argue loudly and persuasively on my behalf. It's never let me down, not even once." The Judge saw just a hint of humor in those pale eyes as the lawman continued, "I like things that work!" A pale eyed Marine was laagered in with her troops in mountains uncomfortably close to the Soviet Union: matter of fact, she'd found Soviet troops occupied this same bunker, years before. Her M4 carbine was detail stripped on the solid little table before her: she reassembled it, her fingers sure, swift, exact: she knew where dirt hid, where carbon built up, she knew which parts to look at closely, she knew what to change out and when. Nobody ever remembered her rifle failing to function, no one ever remembered her M4 out of action from a misfeed, from a jam, from a failure to eject. Nobody offered comment when they saw her tear her rifle down, but no one missed how precise she was when she did, and no one failed to notice that when this pale eyed Marine brought fire upon the enemy, the enemy came out in second place. The closest anyone ever came to comment was when her CO came in to find her carefully, precisely, exactly, lubricating and reassembling her rifle: he watched in silence, waited until her rifle was reassembled before lifting his eyes from her hands and looking at her eyes. Willamina's eyes were pale as she said in a quiet voice, "I like things that work." Three men moved at the same time, and so did a pretty young Ambassador in a long-skirted dress and a fashionably matching little hat. The men moved against the guard that surrounded the Ambassador, confident that surprise, strength, weighted leather saps -- and the energy-dissipation suits they wore -- would be sufficient to disable the guard and abduct this pretty slip of a high-value hostage. They moved, reaching for a guard's arm with one hand, raising their slungshot with the other. Ambassador Marnie Keller skipstepped to the side, fired a percussion, blackpowder, .36 caliber, Navy Colt: its twin, in her other hand, coughed: two men fell, the third, stunned by two quick concussions, looked at her just in time to see a pale eye, steady over the muzzle of her octagon barrel revolver. It was the last thing he ever saw. During the debrief that followed, Ambassador Marnie Keller helped strip the carcasses, showed the inquest the wire-mesh suits, the capacitors, the energy scavengers that would have soaked up all the energies of hand-held stunners her planet-assigned bodyguards carried. "They were ready for the defensive tools your troops were issued," Marnie said quietly. "They intended to cosh my guard, seize me and hold me for ransom and" -- she looked around, her pale eyes hardening as she did -- "and do terrible things to me to entice you to accede to their demands." She casually reloaded one revolver, then the other -- she slipped nitrated paper cartridges into the fired cylinders, turned the ram to seat the flat-nosed, conical bullets down on the powder: she capped the fired nipples, rested the nose of the color case hardened hammer on the little peg between the nipples: a quick move, a magician's gesture, the pistols were hidden again, and none there were sure quite how she'd done it, or where they'd gone. The Ambassador asked Marnie later why she hadn't worn her usual .357, if she'd known there would be an attack. Marnie smiled at him, demure, utterly charming, absolutely feminine as she said in a quiet voice, "I like the effect of fire squirting from the barrel. They'll never forget seeing that. "I like that blackpowder concussion, I like the smell of sulfur afterwards." Her smile was less feminine now as she added, "It lets 'em know their destination if they cross me." She folded her hands very properly in her lap and continued, "Besides, I like things that work!"

HE DID NOT EVEN MOVE The interdimensional iris was a genuine marvel of Confederate technology. Among its many attributes was the fact that it was absolutely silent. When Ambassador Marnie Keller stepped through the iris into her Daddy's study, she made all the noise of a falling leaf, at least until she took a long and serious look at her father. His face was drawn, lined: his eyes were closed, he was leaned back in his easy chair, but he looked ... ... he looked tired, worn out, he looked the way she herself had felt when she was utterly crushed with the grief of her children's deaths. Marnie stood silent, then turned toward the kitchen. Her step was silent -- even in her hard-heeled boots, her tread was utterly soundless -- she leaned a little, peeked into the kitchen. Shelly looked up, startled, as Marnie raised a gloved hand, waved. The two skipped across the floor, embraced: Shelly whispered, quickly, her eyes shining with delight. "I'm so glad to see you!" -- and Marnie whispered back, "Is Daddy all right?" Shelly blinked, looked away, and Marnie knew her Daddy was not all right. "Mama," she whispered, "what happened?" Shelly hesitated, turned, went over to the stove, turned the fire on under the ancient, lightly dented teakettle: it was the same one Marnie saw ever since she was a little girl, very likely it had been Aunt Mary's, back when she and Uncle Pete lived here. Shelly opened a cupboard door with an exaggerated care, brought out two mugs: another minute and tea was steeping, and two Keller women sat at the kitchen table, leaned over their fragrant, steaming mugs, and talked in whispers. "We had a bad one today," Shelly explained. "I'm soaking the blood out of my uniform. Linn picked up another two pounds of salt on his way home." "His too?" Shelly nodded. "Was Daddy hurt?" "Not physically." Marnie felt her sense of safety drop down a mineshaft and disappear into the darkness below: her Daddy was the strongest man she knew, and if he'd had a bad day, if it was a bloody one, and he and her Mama both were in the middle of it, together ... Marnie looked at her Mama, looked away. "Are you okay?" Marnie whispered. "I have to be," Shelly shrugged. "We'll have a critical incident debrief after supper." Marnie closed her eyes, rested her forehead in the V of thumb-and-fingers. Shelly looked at the clock, looked at Marnie. "I think we'll just get something at the Silver Jewel and walk down to the firehouse for the debrief." "I'd better go, then." Marnie rose, and her mother rose with her. Marnie turned as if to go back through her Daddy's study, then turned quickly, seized her mother, hugged her fiercely: Shelly felt her daughter shivering a little, and somehow she knew Marnie was remembering some of her own hell. She's probably remembering losing both her children. Marnie released her Mama, nodded, blinking: she turned, walked quickly into her Daddy's study. Linn hadn't moved. Marnie smelled the man's soap-and-water smell, his deodorant, she remembered how she so loved sitting in her Daddy's lap, safe and protected as she leaned into his chest, smelling that same soap-and-water man-smell. She blinked the sting from her eyes, bent, kissed her Daddy's forehead, up near his hairline, then she turned and rushed through the iris, which collapsed and disappeared as soundlessly as a great, elliptical, very black cat's eye, closing. A lean waisted lawman with a mustache gone to iron grey lay in his easy chair, stress and grief graven on his face, even when he rested. Perhaps somewhere, deep inside, he recognized the touch of a daughter's love, pressed against his forehead, but so exhausted, so spent was the man, that even with this gentle, most welcome touch, he did not even move.

Grumpy!!! You're still around, but it looks like you got tired of waiting for The Grumpy Lunch Bunch to show up.

...... do you think she means it this time ? ...... most of my worry is that she might end up here ...

Don't worry Uncle Dave, I won't tell the ENTIRE WORLD that a picture of ham and pineapple pizza made you feel hungry; your secret is safe with me .... ......................... unless ...........

Tell that to the biggest cookie company in the United States. The National Biscuit Company - Nabisco.

Kangaroo Air Guitar

Dogs??? Nah.... We use kangaroos.

Linn! You can thank/blame Calamity Kris for this one!! IT WAS A FANTASTIC IDEA!!!

Or they stole John Madden's turkey.

If you read too much or for too long, you'll need a wet wipe to clean up....... Please don't ask.......

I believe that is a Thanksgiving song, is it not?

This has been one turd of a day. I took sick right before noon and had ridiculous chills. No fever and I was able to bundle myself up and sweat it out!! Add to that, my mom is demanding to move back to her home, even though she’s nowhere near ready. So my siblings and I have been arguing with her all day!! I’m mad enough to do something that might not be undone!! Before I turn in tonight I think I’ll put up a mayhem song!!