Subdeacon Joe Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 Universal Laws: 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee... 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers. 6. Variation Law - If you impatiently change lines, when standing, or traffic lanes, while driving, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you moved to.... (works every time) 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!! 10. Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11. Law of the Theater &Hockey Arena - At any given event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the restroom and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated with the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about. 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 17. Olivers Law of Public Speaking - A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!! 18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like葉hey will stop making it. 19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But, don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 ............. trudat ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 Subordinate Law - The boss will only appear as you are doing something the boss wouldn't approve of. Open a newspaper - boss appears. Boss' Law - Check on employees often. They are usually reading the paper when they shouldn't be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 Open road law- If two cars are approaching each other on a narrow road they will pass each other next to the only parked car on the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sixgun Sheridan Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 28 minutes ago, Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 said: Open road law- If two cars are approaching each other on a narrow road they will pass each other next to the only parked car on the road. ...or a pedestrian. Happened to me so many times this summer while out walking I began to think somebody upstairs was trying to off me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpo Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 Cole's Law - thinly sliced cabbage in a sweet mayonnaise-based dressing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Angus McPherson Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 All that and no comment on why there is no Universal Law #5? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sixgun Sheridan Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 Law of Creative Hypocrisy - No matter how many times you tell people that doing something is a stupid idea, a certain number of them are going to do it anyway. Therefore you have to just shrug your shoulders and try to tell them the least stupid way to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crooked River Pete, SASS 43485 Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Alpo said: Cole's Law - thinly sliced cabbage in a sweet mayonnaise-based dressing. That belongs in the pun thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 Why was there no 5? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
South-Eye Ned Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 If you’re a Southern Baptist, the only other place you see a fellow congregant is at the liquor store. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedalia Dave Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 #5. Second Law of Probability - If the odds of a favorable outcome are 50-50... 90% of the time the outcome will be unfavorable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 THE LAW OF GRAVITY: ........ not just a good idea, .... nor merely a suggestion. ....... it's like, you know, a rule ..... (more than once it has been my downfall ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sixgun Sheridan Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 23 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said: Subordinate Law - The boss will only appear as you are doing something the boss wouldn't approve of. Open a newspaper - boss appears. Boss' Law - Check on employees often. They are usually reading the paper when they shouldn't be. This one has to be etched in stone somewhere. I can't count the number of times I spent most of the day running my ass off trying to get several things done at once, only to take a quick breather and suddenly be confronted by my boss asking me if I needed something to do. Now I know why so many people prefer to be self-employed. You burn yourself out for an employer's sake, and they only take notice of you when you're on break or need to take a day off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Four-Eyed Buck,SASS #14795 Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 Preach it Brother Joe! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 On 12/2/2020 at 12:31 PM, Subdeacon Joe said: Universal Laws: 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee... 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers. 6. Variation Law - If you impatiently change lines, when standing, or traffic lanes, while driving, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you moved to.... (works every time) 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!! 10. Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11. Law of the Theater &Hockey Arena - At any given event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the restroom and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated with the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about. 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 17. Olivers Law of Public Speaking - A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!! 18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like葉hey will stop making it. 19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But, don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. There is wisdom written on that wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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