The Aussie Humour Thread

[Yul Lose]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

Melbourne Dust Storm 1983

 

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

Droving

 

[Buckshot Bear]

[Sedalia Dave]

 

https://www.facebook.com/reel/6530780116949297

 

[Buckshot Bear]

[Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984]

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter..

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin’!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there’s lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there’s no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don’t get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are dead because we’ve been on a ’route march’ - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin’ - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a possum’s bum and it don’t move and it’s not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target! You don’t even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don’t have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it’s not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I’m not a bad boxer either and it looks like I’m the best the platoon’s got, and I’ve only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he’s 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I’m only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin’ wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can’t complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Sheila

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

I think I knew her when she was an Ottawa Police Officer.

(Still love ya Edna!)

[Linn Keller, SASS 27332, BOLD 103]

Remarkable resemblance to my partner Sandy, bless her ... the Marshal declared baton practice, I got paired off with the lovely Miss Sandy and my life passed before my eyes.

She found a 1/10 of 1 second hole in my guard and nailed be beside the breastbone with the short end of a Monadnock PR24 Prosecutor -- a sidehandle baton, think Oriental Tonfa -- to this day, where the broken rib end's cartilage healed, I have a big ugly calcium knot that hurts when the barometer drops. She's the one that picked up a two-man generator by herself, packed it across the pumper bay, stopped in front of the fire chief and asked him politely where in the hell did he want this thing.

Sweet girl, danced like a feather on the breeze, a fast, effective deputy marshal, and one of the best partners I ever had!

[Buckshot Bear]

Spanish Dancer

 

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Alpo]

I thought the dam was that big concrete thing that held the water back.

 

Does it mean something else down there?

[Buckshot Bear]

20 minutes ago, Alpo said:

I thought the dam was that big concrete thing that held the water back.

 

Does it mean something else down there?

 

Whoops.....I just took it for granted that everyone worldwide called farm dams 'dams'.

 

 

 

 

[Alpo]

So if there was a creek, and you built a structure to block the creek so the water could not continue on downstream (this structure would be called a dam here in the states) the backed up creek water behind the structure would be called a dam in Oz? The backed up water here would be called a lake or a pond, depending on how big a body of water it turned out to be.

 

The pictures appear to be a place where there used to be water - where the water has gone away, possibly because of a drought. Here that would be referred to as mud flats.

[Buckshot Bear]

It's still a dam, just a dried up dam.

 

These are all dams in Oz....just to confuse you  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 20, 2023 by Buckshot Bear

[Brazos John]

1 hour ago, Buckshot Bear said:

 

Whoops.....I just took it for granted that everyone worldwide called farm dams 'dams'.

 

 

 

 

These are called Stock Tanks, or just Tanks, in Texas.

For when the cows get thirsty.

[Alpo]

1 hour ago, Buckshot Bear said:

just to confuse you  

And it works

[Buckshot Bear]

4 hours ago, Brazos John said:

These are called Stock Tanks, or just Tanks, in Texas.

For when the cows get thirsty.

 

These are stock tanks (troughs) in Oz

 

 

 

[Buckshot Bear]

2 hours ago, Alpo said:

And it works

 

And remember NEVER put yabbies in ya' dam that has sides, the little buggers will drill through them!!!!

[Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474]

[Eyesa Horg]

10 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

Spanish Dancer

 

We saw something similar on a whale watch off the tip of Cape Cod. They called it a Sun something or other. Pretty neat.

[Eyesa Horg]

4 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

 

And remember NEVER put yabbies in ya' dam that has sides, the little buggers will drill through them!!!!

Had to look it up

plural  yabbies

: any of various burrowing Australian crayfishes (genus Cherax, especially C. destructor) that are used for food

[Alpo]

1 minute ago, Eyesa Horg said:

Had to look it up

plural  yabbies

: any of various burrowing Australian crayfishes (genus Cherax, especially C. destructor) that are used for food

I wonder if it would confuse Aussies if they heard us talking about crawdads?

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

well now , 

 

  I figure it would be a tad better , IF the gator / croc was dead , before trying to fry it 

 

  but maybe , I is missing something 

 

  CB 

  

[Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062]

5 hours ago, Alpo said:

I wonder if it would confuse Aussies if they heard us talking about crawdads?

 

 

 

              ........ yes, it does ........

 

[Buckshot Bear]

8 hours ago, Alpo said:

I wonder if it would confuse Aussies if they heard us talking about crawdads?

 

 

Now who the hell came up with the name crawdads when you could have used yabbies 

[Buckshot Bear]