The Aussie Humour Thread

[Alpo]

On the subject of erections. I don't know this is true. But I read it some years back, and it sort of makes sense.

 

This old man had heart problems, so he took nitro. Instead of taking a pill when he hurt, he wore a patch all the time. He complained to the doctor that the patch gave him a headache.

 

His doctor suggested he wear the patch lower. He was wearing it right at heart level, but the doctor said, you know, if he wore it lower on his body it would get it further away from his head, and the headaches might stop.

 

So each day he put it a little further down hoping the headaches will go away.

 

And when he got it down below his navel, he got an erection. Which he had not been able to do for several years. His wife was quite happy.

 

Nitro, as I understand it, dilates the veins and lets the blood flow better.

[Buckshot Bear]

6 minutes ago, Alpo said:

On the subject of erections. I don't know this is true. But I read it some years back, and it sort of makes sense.

 

This old man had heart problems, so he took nitro. Instead of taking a pill when he hurt, he wore a patch all the time. He complained to the doctor that the patch gave him a headache.

 

His doctor suggested he wear the patch lower. He was wearing it right at heart level, but the doctor said, you know, if he wore it lower on his body it would get it further away from his head, and the headaches might stop.

 

So each day he put it a little further down hoping the headaches will go away.

 

And when he got it down below his navel, he got an erection. Which he had not been able to do for several years. His wife was quite happy.

 

Nitro, as I understand it, dilates the veins and lets the blood flow better.

 

 

Hmmmm there's nitro in gunpowder isn't there??? 😊

[Alpo]

Actually no.

 

The stuff most people use nowadays is technically "smokeless powder", and it is mostly made of nitroglycerin and nitrocellulose.

 

"Gunpowder" actually refers only to black powder. And it has sodium nitrate in it, but not nitroglycerin.

 

Lots of people call smokeless powder "gunpowder", but they are using an incorrect term.

[Rip Snorter]

Technically, black powder is an explosive, smokeless is a propellant.  Recall a HS science setting off some of each.  An excellent science teacher and a bit of a maniac.

[Buckshot Bear]

2 hours ago, Alpo said:

Actually no.

 

The stuff most people use nowadays is technically "smokeless powder", and it is mostly made of nitroglycerin and nitrocellulose.

 

"Gunpowder" actually refers only to black powder. And it has sodium nitrate in it, but not nitroglycerin.

 

Lots of people call smokeless powder "gunpowder", but they are using an incorrect term.

 

Hmm so no lead in the pencil from a spoonful in a cup of coffee. 

[Buckshot Bear]

2 hours ago, Rip Snorter said:

Technically, black powder is an explosive, smokeless is a propellant.  Recall a HS science setting off some of each.  An excellent science teacher and a bit of a maniac.

 

Sounds like a great teacher if the lesson stuck all those years later. 

[Rip Snorter]

35 minutes ago, Buckshot Bear said:

 

Sounds like a great teacher if the lesson stuck all those years later. 

Many other stories I could tell. Physically unassuming but brilliant guy.  I was generally VERY fortunate with Teachers and Professors.  A different era.

[Buckshot Bear]

THE BIG HAT 

Flinders Ranges, South Australia.

 

[Buckshot Bear]

Swagman just outside Walgett.

 

[Buckshot Bear]

The Big Dingo

Billabong Zoo Koala and Wildlife Park

Port Macquarie

 

[Buckshot Bear]

Big cotton pods at Wee Waa

 

[Alpo]

Those are bolls, not pods.

[Buckshot Bear]

9 minutes ago, Alpo said:

Those are bolls, not pods.

 

Pods here.

[Alpo]

I keep telling y'all you talk weird.

 

You need to learn to speak English.

[John Kloehr]

17 minutes ago, Alpo said:

I keep telling y'all you talk weird.

 

You need to learn to speak English.

England, USA, and Australia. Three countries separated by a common language.

[Buckshot Bear]

50 minutes ago, Alpo said:

I keep telling y'all you talk weird.

 

You need to learn to speak English.

 

 

[Buckshot Bear]

 

Edited June 28, 2024 by Buckshot Bear

[Buckshot Bear]

These were a big thing for kids back in the day, its how I found out I was allergic to bee stings  -

 

[Sedalia Dave]

[DeaconKC]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[Subdeacon Joe]

Typical Australian humour here, having a laugh even in the darkest of times. Image taken on the El Alamein road, 14 September 1942.

 

[Buckshot Bear]

[Buckshot Bear]

[John Kloehr]

23 hours ago, Buckshot Bear said:

If you are not comfortable around my dog, I'll be happy to lock you in the laundry room...

[Buckshot Bear]

[Alpo]

33 minutes ago, Buckshot Bear said:

"What is dry beer?

Obviously, dry beer is not devoid of water or liquid. The term “dry” was first used to describe the lack of residual sweetness that characterises traditional beer types like stouts or porters. It has nothing to do with the water content."

 

 

The term “dry” was first used to describe the lack of residual sweetness that characterises traditional beer types ----- hold on just a minute. Traditional beer is SWEET?????????

[Buckshot Bear]

1 hour ago, Alpo said:

"What is dry beer?

Obviously, dry beer is not devoid of water or liquid. The term “dry” was first used to describe the lack of residual sweetness that characterises traditional beer types like stouts or porters. It has nothing to do with the water content."

 

 

The term “dry” was first used to describe the lack of residual sweetness that characterises traditional beer types ----- hold on just a minute. Traditional beer is SWEET?????????

 

I don't mind a dry beer.

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[Subdeacon Joe]

On 6/26/2024 at 1:55 PM, Rip Snorter said:

Recall a HS science setting off some of each.  An excellent science teacher and a bit of a maniac

 

Isn't that a requirement for HS science, especially chemistry, teachers?  I still recall, vividly, some of the antics of Mr. Dennis "Mad Man" Madison, and his cackle when he did some of his demonstrations.

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

On 6/27/2024 at 5:12 PM, Alpo said:

I keep telling y'all you talk weird.

 

You need to learn to speak English.

We cross-supported some Aussie bomber pilots and their guys in Vietnam.  They said the same thing about us.We both said the same thing about the Wisconsin reserve unit that was activated and sent over, and we all said that about the southerners and east coasters from here.

 

Dialects are fun.

[Alpo]

On 6/27/2024 at 6:29 PM, Buckshot Bear said:

 

Pods here.

I just realized the reason.

 

If the boll weevil made it to Australia, they would all starve to death, because there are no cotton bolls for them to eat. They are cotton pods. And they're not pod weevils.

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

4 hours ago, John Kloehr said:

If you are not comfortable around my dog, I'll be happy to lock you in the laundry room...

My sister came to visit and complained about my dog.  I told her "the dog lives here.  You don't.  If it bothers you, there's a Hampton Hotel a half mile down the road and I'll tell you where we can go for breakfast."

 

He husband nearly hurt himself laughing and told me she bitched about his dogs, too.  Said he made her a room of her own where the dogs weren't allowed in.  He called it Nancy's Kennel.

 

We don't talk much any more.  I'm okay with that.

[Buckshot Bear]