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A pet duck?


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Donald and Daisy Duck go on vacation. 

After a day at the beach, they go back to the hotel.

Donald is feeling a little horny so, with a wink, he says to Daisy "Hey honey, how's 'bout me and you fool around for a while".

Daisy replies "Okay, but only if you have a condom, I don't want to be tending any ducklings when we get home".

Donald doesn't have any with him so Daisy suggests that he go down to the front desk and see if they have any for sale.

He asks the lady at the front desk "Do you have any condoms for sale here?"

The lady says "Yes, yes we do, how many would you like?"

Donald replies "One."

She hands him the condom package and asks "Would you like me to put that on your bill?"

Donald looks at her and says "No, what kind of weirdo do you think I am."

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Back around '84 or so ol Hank and I were invited up to Siskiyou County to hunt on a large ranch managed by our old pard, Ryan Farnam.  After we were settled in and had enjoyed a terrific supper, we were introduced to the newest ranch critters - four dogs, and a big ol' white Pekin duck.


Now, the interesting thing was that three of the dogs were litter mates, and rounding out the herd was Mom - and the duck.  It seems that the duck, as a ducking, had somehow been acquired the same day as the pups were born.  And remarkably, Momma dog didn't mind him hanging around with her own babies, and in fact literally adopted the duck.  Prob'ly never understood its odd dietary preferences, but oh well - it was just "one of the kids."


And the duck, now grown, would literally run with the dogs, and was named "Watch Duck."  Any time one of the dogs would bark in alarm for any reason - car driving up, strange animal, whatever - the others would all chime in... including the duck:  "Woof!  Woof!  Bark!  Woof!  Quack!"  And often as not, the duck would sound the first alarm and the dogs would all back him up.  That duck would even eat kibbles, right alonside the dogs, who didn't seem to mind at all sharing with 'im.


Well, the hunting was good, and Hank shot a nice buck our second day there.  The deer was dressed and hanging in the barn, with the antlers rested against the outside wall of the bunkhouse, right next to the door.  Farnam warned us to bring it inside, lest a coyote haul it off, but we forgot or just plumb ignored his advice.


That night, we heard something outside the door.  Hank and I looked at each other and whispered "Coyote!"  He grabbed a six-shooter, I positioned myself by the door with knob in hand, and at a "ready" signal I yanked the door open and blasted a super bright flashlight outside, with the intent of illuminating the mangy yodel dog so Hank could blast it.


But... no coyote.  Nope!  There was the Watch Duck, valiantly trying to gnaw on the skull plate with the antlers attached.  He looked up at Hank holding that revolver on him, and immediately donned as sheepish an expression as a duck can manage, put his beak to the ground, and slunk off, obviously embarrased at having been busted and sneaking looks back over his shoulder as he disappeared toward the barn.


To my knowledge Watch Duck lived to a ripe old age - and never knew nor cared that he really wasn't one of the dogs.


                     Interpretive Summary: Pekin Duck Research Reveals Heritability of Feeding  Behaviors




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3 hours ago, Alpo said:

duck funny-duck.jpg

Now ya did it! Get off my water.

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A Rubber Duck Derby is held each year in Gainesville, Ga. with proceeds going to the Girls & Boys Club.    The duck race flows with the Chattahoochee River into Lake Lanier, and the winning adopted duck to cross the finish line first won the adoptive parent $10,000.   All other prize winners were very nice prizes.Herschel_Hero_Mock_Up_7_.thumb.png.32fcd5975db76f43a04616bbf913c2cb.png

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I saw something like that recently on a cop show. Probably NCIS because I've been binge watching it again, going through 20 years as a rate of about four episodes a night.


Anyway, they got a river full of rubber duckies, and a couple of kids were going to cheat because they had a motorized rubber ducky, and while getting to the edge of the river with a remote control they found the dead body.







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On 7/15/2023 at 8:09 PM, Alpo said:





This one reminds me of something that happened when I was stationed at Seal Beach, California.


 A four lane road ran through through the middle of the Naval Weapons Station there and on the north side, inside the secured one, was an area that was farmed by a civilian contractor.  


About the second Fall I was there the farm company covered a large portion of their area with a plastic sheeting for some reason, about two acres of it.  The next morning we were called out because  dozens of cars were stopped along that road in spite of signs posted all along saying that they were forbidden from stopping..... and they were taking pictures of a super secret military ammo dump!


We rolled out our two M-706 Light Armored Assault Vehicles and a  a bunch of pickup trucks all filled with Marines armed to the teeth with M-14 rifles and 870  Remington shotguns.  A half dozen Navy trucks, the California Highway Patrol and three different city police units were there already (two police helicopters showed up about the same time we did) and had called in the Marines because they couldn't handle it alone and those LAAVs were scarier than anything they had.


We came into the middle of that from a gate in the fence an had the armored vehicles at each end.


We finally got it moving and cleared out and the cops went to patrolling it with extra cars for a few days.


Now....what was this all about?


Hundreds of migrating ducks had mistaken that plastic sheeting for water and were landing on it, crashing into balls of flapping feathers and each other , taking off again and again, and doing it all over...... again and again...... for nearly an hour and a half until the stupid critters left for wetter ground and the last "lookie loos" were escorted to the ends of the road through the base


It was the most hilarious "emergency" call out I ever saw.

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