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One Sunday, just before the worship services started, a lady came up to me and another deacon (Jimmy) and told us the ladies restroom was flooded.  Sure enough, it was really flooded!  So after we turned off the water to the faulty toilet, we went and got the mops and buckets to clean up the mess.  Jimmy started laughing and told me to listen to what the choir was singing.  It was the song, "Step Into the Water."

 

The chorus of "Step Into the Water" goes like this:

 

Step into the water
Wade out a little bit deeper
Wet your feet in the water of his love
Ohh Step into the water (children)
Wade out a little bit deeper
Come join angels singin'
Praises to the Lamb of God

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My true story, which could happen most anywhere, but actually happened at the S.Baptist church

I was attending as a teenager.

 

Nearly every church has its favored (or favorite) kid that has a personality everyone loves.   Basically, the kid

is just a very colorful kid.   I faintly remember his name as Johnny or Jimmy.  And he was a very energetic

8 year old feller.

 

Nonetheless, one Sunday night service, 'the Kid' was sitting next to me on the pew and had been very

quiet during the whole service.   At the close of the service, the Pastor was initiating the closing prayer

when 'the Kid' started tugging on my arm.

NOTE..... Baptist normally are standing during the closing prayer, with heads bowed and eyes closed.

 

Anyhow, I opened my eyes to 'peep' downward at 'the Kid', who with a loud whisper sez:   "Smell anything yet"?

 

..........Widder

 

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Thanks, Widder.  I'm reminded of another story from when I was a teenager.

 

A little slip of the tongue.

 

My family and I were out in the panhandle of Oklahoma visiting my dad's brother and his family.  On Sunday, we all went to worship at Guymon First Baptist Church.  The church broadcasts its morning service out over the radio.  It was during the peak of the wheat harvest and understandably the church attendance was down.   My two teenage cousins, Joe and Paul, and I were sitting on the back row with the other teenage boys.  Although we didn't make a noise, the Music Minister's slip of the tongue had us boys about to burst!!!  The Music Minister was encouraging the folks of the importance of church attendance even during the harvest.  Then the Music Minister said, "So let me encourage you farmers listening on the radio, to get down off your concubines...(pause)...and come to church." :huh:

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Speaking of concubines, and far from the subject of church, I have close friend who has a friend who lives in France. I've met her over here several times as she has visited my friend. 

She is an American, living with but not married to a Frenchman. She has an official status: a Concubine. I've seen her French medical card with the title.

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23 minutes ago, Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 said:

Then the Music Minister said, "So let me encourage you farmers listening on the radio, to get down off your concubines...(pause)...and come to church."

 

In the Liturgy of St. Basil, in the Prayer of the Anaphora, Isiah 6:2 is quoted, "Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly."  Every once in a while the priest will render is as "Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did cover his fly."

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 A Baptist Church had reached their goal for their building fund and was designing their new facility.  The Pastor approached the Board of Deacons and said that there was one feature that he would like to add to the plans.  The Senior Deacon said that he had wanted to speak to the pastor about a special feature.  The pastor said that if his feature was added that the deacons could add any feature that they wished.  They all agreed and each went to see the architect .

The Church was completed and the congregation was coming in for the first sermon in the new facility.  Being Baptists, they were coming in and sitting in the back row.  As the back row filled up, the Pastor pushed a button and the back row dropped beneath the floor and reappeared as the front row.  For the first time in his life, the pastor preached to a church that was filled in front to back instead of back to front.  

As noon approached he was still going strong with his sermon. The Senior Deacon watched the time and at exactly 12;00 pressed his button.  The Pastor dropped beneath the floor and reappeared by the front door of the Church.

 

Duffield

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On 8/14/2020 at 11:16 AM, Waxahachie Kid #17017 L said:

I was raised in the Baptist Church....I go to the Cowboy Church now...but...

 

The story went around as to why the Baptists do not believe in drinking alcoholic beverages, or fooling around on your spouse.. 

The answer was...it might lead to dancing!!!  

 

W.K.


That’s why Baptists never have sex while standing up, somebody might think they were dancing!

 

Seamus

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Two Baptist Deacons were having lunch together on Monday and talking about how well they enjoyed

the Pastors sermon on Sunday.

 

Oh yea.....it happens sometimes..... :lol:

 

..........Widder

 

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6 hours ago, Widder, SASS #59054 said:

Two Baptist Deacons were having lunch together on Monday and talking about how well they enjoyed

the Pastors sermon on Sunday.

 

Oh yea.....it happens sometimes..... :lol:

 

..........Widder

 

Dwight, my former pastor and still close friend of mine, told me one day after one of his sermons a little sweet lady came up to Dwight and said,

"Pastor, each of your sermons are always better than the next!"  :huh::unsure::lol:

 

 

 

.

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A young minister came to the older minister, visibly upset. "I can't find my bike. I think someone's stolen it and I have no idea who would do such a thing."

 

The elder man replied, 'No worries, my son. You'll preach the sermon this Sunday. Preach on the Ten Commandments, and really focus on, 'Thou shalt not steal'. The good Lord will convict the offender to return your property, and you'll have saved his soul."

 

That Sunday the elder minister settled in to listen to the sermon, but was puzzled -- the young man barely commented on theft and finished the sermon quickly. Later, he asked the reason for the change.

 

"I really had a great sermon for the eighth commandment," the young man replied, "But when I got to 'Thou shalt not commit adultery, I remembered where I'd left my bike."

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