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It's Almost Monday Humor Thread


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“In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank you, you're really just fine. She asks if you're sure. You say of course you're sure, really, you don't need a thing. Except they pronounce it ting. You don't need a ting. Well, she says then, I was going to get myself some anyway, so it would be no trouble. Ah, you say, well, if you were going to get yourself some, I wouldn't mind a spot of tea, at that, so long as it's no trouble and I can give you a hand in the kitchen. Then you go through the whole thing all over again until you both end up in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting. 

 

In America, someone asks you if you want a cup of tea, you say no, and then you don't get any damned tea.

 

I liked the Irish way better.” 

― C.E. Murphy, Urban Shaman

 

Picture: Irish Tea Party early 1900s, photograph from Valentine’s of Dundee, Scotland

 

FB_IMG_1710885834170.jpg.aa0e4d343902d98f67b7a58dccf664df.jpg

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1 hour ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

“In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank you, you're really just fine. She asks if you're sure. You say of course you're sure, really, you don't need a thing. Except they pronounce it ting. You don't need a ting. Well, she says then, I was going to get myself some anyway, so it would be no trouble. Ah, you say, well, if you were going to get yourself some, I wouldn't mind a spot of tea, at that, so long as it's no trouble and I can give you a hand in the kitchen. Then you go through the whole thing all over again until you both end up in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting. 

 

In America, someone asks you if you want a cup of tea, you say no, and then you don't get any damned tea.

 

I liked the Irish way better.” 

― C.E. Murphy, Urban Shaman

 

Picture: Irish Tea Party early 1900s, photograph from Valentine’s of Dundee, Scotland

 

FB_IMG_1710885834170.jpg.aa0e4d343902d98f67b7a58dccf664df.jpg

 

My late wife was Lakota. One of their traditions is you provide food and drink to all visitors that enter your household.  Because most people on the rez are as poor as church mice, the drink is almost always coffee and the food will be a cold cut sandwich.

 

It is considered rude for the visitor not to accept the food and drink but it is perfectly acceptable if you only take a bite and a few sips of the coffee. No requirement to eat the whole sandwich or drink the cup dry.

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2 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

Except they pronounce it ting.

If he explains it they pronounce it ting, why didn't he explain that they also pronounce it tay?

 

"Would ya liake a nice cuppa tay?"

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On 3/19/2024 at 6:04 PM, Subdeacon Joe said:

“In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank you, you're really just fine. She asks if you're sure. You say of course you're sure, really, you don't need a thing. Except they pronounce it ting. You don't need a ting. Well, she says then, I was going to get myself some anyway, so it would be no trouble. Ah, you say, well, if you were going to get yourself some, I wouldn't mind a spot of tea, at that, so long as it's no trouble and I can give you a hand in the kitchen. Then you go through the whole thing all over again until you both end up in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting. 

 

In America, someone asks you if you want a cup of tea, you say no, and then you don't get any damned tea.

 

I liked the Irish way better.” 

― C.E. Murphy, Urban Shaman

 

Picture: Irish Tea Party early 1900s, photograph from Valentine’s of Dundee, Scotland

 

 

Kind of like the Southern custom of the 'double offer' . . . 

 

The first offer is the polite offer. The polite response is to turn it down.

 

That brings the second offer . . . if the first offer was a genuine offer to begin with. Then the second refusal, if the recipient really doesn't want to accept.

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2 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

That two-handed swing she did with the rolling pin. I don't think she's going to make pizza. Looks more like she's going to take out her husband. Maybe after she throws a kettle full of boiling water in his face.

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THE DEAF ITALIAN BOOKKEEPER AND THE IRISH LAWYER

 

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million. The Italian bookkeeper is deaf, which was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that he would hear nothing so he would not be able to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront him about his missing $10 million, he takes along his Irish lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

 

The lawyer, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper, "Where's the money?"

 

The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

 

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about"

 

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s head and says,
"Ask him again. Tell him if he doesn't tell me, I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

 

The bookkeeper trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.”

 

The Godfather asks the Irish lawyer, "What did he say?"

 

The Irish lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

 

 

Edited by Father Kit Cool Gun Garth
Thank You @Mayobard - 2017
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The Herbal Tea Ceremony

From “101 Ways to Avoid Reincarnation” by Hester Mundis

 

The HERBAL TEA ceremony is one of the least metaphysical and most frequently preformed New Age rituals.

 

 

 It begins with the arrival of a New Age guest.

 

 

 THE HOST GREETS THE GUEST BY SAYING: “I’m so glad that you and I are finally able to connect.”

 GUEST SAYS: “Me too.”

 HOST SAYS: “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

 GUEST SAYS: “No, thank you.”

 HOST SAYS: “Decaf?”

 GUEST SAYS: “No, no thank you.”

 HOST SAYS: “Tea?”

 GUEST SAYS: “Herbal?”

 HOST SAYS: “Peppermint, chamomile, cranberry cove or sleepytime.”

 GUEST SAYS: “Cranberry cove sounds great.”

 HOST SAYS: “You’ve got it.”

 AFTER THE TEA IS PREPARED, THE HOST SAYS: “Sugar?”

 GUEST SAYS: “No, thank you.”

 HOST SAYS: “Nutra-Sweet?”

 GUEST SAYS: “No.”

 HOST SAYS: “Honey?”

 GUEST SAYS: “Just a teaspoon.”

 AFTER THE HONEY IS ADDED, THE HOST SAYS: “Milk?”

 GUEST SAYS: “Maybe a little.”

 HOST POURS MILK INTO TEA AND SAYS: “Is this enough?”

 GUEST LOOKS AND SAYS: “A little more.”

 HOST SAYS: “How’s this?”

 GUEST SAYS: “Perfect.”

 HOST WAITS UNTIL GUEST TAKES A SIP OF TEA THEN SAYS: “Is it all right?”

 GUEST SAYS: “It’s fine.”

 HOST SAYS: “I have more honey if you want.”

 GUEST SAYS: “No, really, this is fine.”

  HOST SAYS: “Are you sure? It’s all natural.”

 GUEST SAYS: “Well … maybe just a drop.”

 HOST ADDS MORE HONEY, WAITS FOR GUEST TO TASTE TEA AGAIN, THEN SAYS: “How’s that — better? 

 GUEST SAYS: “Much. It’s perfect. Thank you.” 

 HOST SAYS: “Enjoy.” 

 GUEST SAYS: “Aren’t you having any?” 

 HOST SAYS: “Maybe later.” 

 GUEST SAYS: “Would you like a sip of mine?” 

 HOST SAYS: “No, I’m fine. You drink it.” 

 GUEST PROFFERS CUP AND SAYS: “Here. Don’t be such a Taurus.”  

 HOST TAKES A SIP AND SAYS: “Thank you for sharing that with me.” 

 

A laugh from both parties concludes the herbal tea ceremony.  

 

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