Grizzly Dave Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Somewhere over the din of gasps and muttering, a lone voice could be heard... It was Flint McCloud, and he'd been drinking all day.... "Put a saddle on that thing and I'll ride it!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetwater Jack SASS28885L Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I looked around spotted Sweetwater Jack half burned up. "Sweetwater, you would know anything about what happened to my tanker of 200 proof alcohol?" "Nope... ain't seen nothin' like that...... fact IS, I'm still kinda' "flash-blind" from all that METHANE goin up!" "Guess I'll grope muh way upstairs and see if the spare uniform I stashed in Squirrel-tooth Alice's room is still there......" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Rusty Bore SASS#22739 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Danged idjit Marshal! Chip had concealed himself in a shipping crate trying to hide from Rusty as tree fetchin time seems to put himself at odds with the law every year. That tin star done bumped and dragged me down that alley n now I got lumps on lumps! Climbing out of the crate Chip finds himself behind bars. That dang low down good fer nuthin elebentyfoottall idjit done got me locked up. Chip stood and pondered his predicteyment turned and his jaw dropped as he saw the twenty cases of splosives locked in the jail with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helda Huginkiss #23799 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 "Uh Oh Mad Dog You did it now!!!" ( Heldas Eyes were as big as Armadillo Eggs) "Marshals gonna be lookin for you..Maybe we better go up to Timberlines and look for a tree! I'll saddle your horse!" Helda ducks the flyin barrel and heads toward the Toostone Livery.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Hey..........CPK..........Grizz.........Helda........... Did y'all forgitted want I said bout dat skinny pine tree near da outhouse ? Bteen da four of us wif a double bladed axes, t'would not take too (HICKUP) long ! ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Naw, need to leave that one there to shade the outhouse come summertime. Besides, if we screwed up and it fell on the househouse Deja would have our hides, she just put in a fancy store bought seat in that thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footloose 1797L Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Oops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sierra Jack Cassidy, SASS 14336Life Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Cassidy, Finny, Grizzly Dave, Footloose and the re-dressed Sweetwater were studying a map and making notes. Marshal Rusty walked in (he grew tired of babysitting explosives and needed a beer) and joined the study. "There's four places on the map with good trees, all of 'em a ways up in the hills" says Finny. "And if we wind up with a plan with explosives, it'll probly take five or six days as usual" says Cassidy. "And as usual, it's a job that oughter take three hours tops" says Dave. "I hate Christmas trees!!" says Rusty. "Why izzat?" says Sweetwater. "Ya ever seen anybody hung usin' a Christmas tree?" says the Marshal. "Well, as a matter of fact there was that one time that a rope got wrapped around Tex Boden's neck and when the tree took off fer Toostone havin' been overly propelled by Chip's nitro, poor ol' Tex was yanked outa his boots" says Finny. "Always plenty of hangings at Christmas anyhow" says Cassidy. "Huh???" says Rusty. "Molly hangs a couple-three dozen stockings every Christmas in the Saloon (ACS)" says Cassidy. "Haw!!!" Cassidy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Flint Westwood SASS 94 E Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 well it's certainly evvydent to me that I've been away far too long. Whoda thunk someone invented a way to "light" nitro.....hadda be Chip right? Crazy Pyro!! Helda, Aneea, oh hell whateverso Hugginkiss sis be around to hear, Timberline sez so's long as you don't touch any of the trees surrounden the homestead proper you're welcome to it, and some of them aintchent oaks near the back of the ranch has gots tons of mistletoe in um....have at it ladies. Ima just dust off Miss Josie's chair and sit over in the corner with a couple fingers of whatever single malt Bottles managed to save for me. Flint(what kaint believe there taint no tree yet)Westwood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Merry Christmas to ya Flint, and welcome back. Been a while since I seed you sittin in the Saloon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chili Pepper Kid, SASS #60463 Posted December 17, 2011 Author Share Posted December 17, 2011 I'm a think we need a plan fer this tree fetchin. Nitro...Cannon. Hmmmm...think...think. Ouch, dang this thunkin of tree fetchin sure hurts the head. Bottles cud I have a weee nip of Old Tanglefoot to settle the brain. Chili Pepper Kid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sierra Jack Cassidy, SASS 14336Life Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Cassidy whispered low to the group studying the map... "oh my God! If Chip finds out the fair and lovely Timberline gave permission to take one of her prized trees, even an outlyin' one, he'll be here with a buncha splosives, a wagon, and fifteen or twenty blueprints with plans!! I got a bad feelin' about this!!" Cassidy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Know what Grizz(HICK-UP) Ever job needs a (HICK-UP) good stuipdvisor ! Now(BRUP) I aint sssayin I be da best (HICKUP) stuipdvisor, But Grizz ole Pard, Ifin ya be ssssssoooo kind as ta point me toward me hoss (HICK-UP) We'll (BRUP) git dis show on dat road ! :wacko: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddog McCoy SASS #5672 Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 With the barrel flying right him, the marshal bolted over the hitching rail and landed face first right in the watering trough. The barrel slams in the door of the jail and busts the door apart and spraying the burning rocket fuel all over the jail. Luckily, after the last time the jail gots blown up last, the marshal had the new jail build completely out of stone and mortar and the only wood was the door. When the marshal sat up and looked at the jail, he thought" Well, at least this time I only need a new door". Chip was surveying his jail cell with all the explosives in it when he heard this loud crash and looked at the front on the jail and then this big chunk of the burning door came flying at his cell and hit the bars and landed just within his reach outside of the cell. Chop got a big smile on his face and thought" Hmmmm, I know how I can make good use of that......" Maddog lowered his rifle and Helda ran past him shouting she was going for the horses. Maddog called after her"My horse is the big white one, make sure you get my white patent leather saddle with the silver on it. Meet me in front of the saloon and we will ride." Maddog walked back into the saloon and yelled "Hey Bottles, I need a bottle of Bulleit and a bottle of what Helda was drinkin." Bottles stuffed the drinks in a saddle bag for Maddog and Helda called out from outside, "Come on Maddog, the Marshall is done with his bath." Maddog ran out of the saloon, jumped on his horse, and started west out of town with Helda. Grizz stepped out the door and yelled, “Hey Maddog where are you going, Timerline's is the other way. Maddog pulled up on his horse and looked at Griz and says "What are talking about Grizz, as the hero of this story, I am riding off into the sunset, I got the drinks, and I got the pretty girl, and I am the one all dressed in white hero outfit, What did I forget?" Grizz says" Umm, we have not got the tree yet, the story is not over." Maddog looks at him and says" Oh, I guess that's one detail I forgot. Well, bring the wagon, any help you think we need and the rocket fuel. I opened the door to the jail for you so you can what you need from there. Helda and I will find a good tree and we will be waiting under for you under it." Maddog leans down so only Grizz can hear him, "Take your time, one side of the saddle bag has the drinks, the other side has a blanket and the mistletoe in it." Maddog looks at Helda, "Come on honey, let's go find a tree" Maddog and Helda spurred their horses and went flying up the street past Marshal Rusty Bore who was getting himself dried off. As they rode past the marshal, He yelled out "Maddog, you owe me a NEW JAIL DOOR!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetwater Jack SASS28885L Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Psssstt!!! (Whisper mode) Unbeknownst to Rusty, MadDog, clever devil that he is, had already ordered Rusty a Brand New Door for the Jail.... (Found one in the Rears and Sawbuck Mail-Order-away Catalog....) Solid Antique Balsa Wood with WHITE/PINK Patent Leather Covering with Embroidered Initials MRB IN SCRIPT! on it... MadDog DOES love patent leather........... And should he need, later, to bust out of jail, the balsa wood shouldn't prove to be a big problem........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Kris Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 (All this dadgum commotion brought Calamity Kris running out of the cafe'. She had just finished serving a patron and still had the cup she was drying in her hands.) "Vot arrrree youuuu doingg? You crrrazzy people are goingggg to drive my guests avay. Shtop all this sillinesss!! You vant a treeee? I show you vhere you get a treee. Just shtop all this......" (Calamity lowers her arms and runs back into the cafe to find Cookie the cook. Someone will need to take care of the guests while she saddles up and rides out to find out who is at the root of all this.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Naw, need to leave that one there to shade the outhouse come summertime. Besides, if we screwed up and it fell on the househouse Deja would have our hides, she just put in a fancy store bought seat in that thing! Darn it Grizzes.. I could order another, but someone dun used up the sears and roebucks catalog for other purposes in life.. so, that is the last seat I can find.. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I am still looking for the tree darn it... Grizzes where is it anyhow? I have a Christmas Angel for it.. she tops the treee every year and yeah she does pack a iron, and she had a couple scars and broken parts.. but none the less she is and angel and I want her on the tree.. So where is the darn thing.. You guys keep promising.. so please .. deliver? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chili Pepper Kid, SASS #60463 Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Chili saddles up "Thundering Flatuance" and heads out after Grizz, Maddog, Helda, Deja and the rest of the Saloonatics. The wagon is loaded with rocket fuel and 200lbs of Nitro. His saddle bags are full Christmas decorations. I think we should put the Splosives in the ACME tree cannon first, then the decorations. We find Timberlines special tree and cut it down. Put that into cannon and fire'er off. That way when it goes thru the roof of the Saloon it will already be decorated. CPK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Jake1001 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Only 3 days till Christmas and NO TREE in the Saloon yet. Ya gots plenty of splosives, wagon, ACME tree canon. Flint hisownself said ya could take a TREE from Miss Timberlines place....so go git one. I thinkin' ya should send one flyin'outta the ACME tree canon aimed for ta come down into the hole in the Saloon roof, but hang all the deca-rations on upsidedown cuz when comes down...that's how it's gonna be in the Saloon. Then as a back-up use the wagon and haul one down incase too much splosives are used and you over-shoot the Saloon(ACS). I remember last year trees coming down all over Toostone and gettin' stuck in the street. Big Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helda Huginkiss #23799 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 oh... This one is perfect... a wait... no this one.. it has a great top on it.. .. and Ohhhhh Look at that one... its is beauuuuutttiful;l;ll.. >.. Just look at it... Oh it is two trees in one... .. Lets look over here.. That the one a pretty large blue spruce.. lots of room for ornaments and a perfect top for Dejas Angel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chili Pepper Kid, SASS #60463 Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 Helda has picked a LARGE blue spruce. Hmmm guess we do need all those splosives. The Saloonatics roll over the Acme tree cannon and start packin in the splosives including Chip's special hi power nitro. Grizz, Chili, Apache Hawk and Sierra Jack take Apache's double bladed axe and commence ta argueing about whar ta notch it and whar it will fall so it doesn't hit Timberlines still whar right now a batch of double rectified busthead is a brewin. Finally they commence ta choppin takin turns ta sample the "apple pie moonshine". The Saloonatics yell Timber!!!!! An the tree drops narrowly missin the still. Maddog stuffs in the ornaments and more splosives. Next after much grunting and groanin the tree is stuffed inta the Acme tree cannon. Finny steps up with his ceegar and.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chili Pepper Kid, SASS #60463 Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 KAAABOOM!!! Then a second smaller KAABOOM! Oooo Ahhh! The Acme tree cannon launches the tree on it's way towards the Saloon followed by the ornaments. The secondary kaaboom was the back flash setting off the STILL!!! Timberline an Flint are standing thar wif shotguns. "Ya smoldering Saloonatics owe us a new still" until then I guess we best head ta town fer sum old tanglefoot. The Saloonatics head back to Toostone to view the damage and find sum salve fer the burns.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Helda, i bought the angel you wanted.. ah... hey wheres the tree guys? Really you want us to decorate this burned up skeleton of a pine tree? Cowboys... get back out there and get us a Tree.. a tree so huge, so pretty, so fragrant that it will invite everyone into the Saloon for a holiday drink with its presence. Grizzes is making beer bottle ornatments with coat hangers and bottles and pieces of the spruce that Chillis brought in.. BMCs is stringing donkey dung and popcorn so we are making him work outside. Big Jakes is still putting little candles inside the shotgun hulls, Clams is hanging cookies (german ones) on the tree. Maddogs MC is stuffing pinecones with high explosives.. and me.. Well I am striking a match to light up the cigars I am about to pass out to everyone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Grizz wakes up, back in the Saloon with no memory of how he got there, or where he has been. It takes a few seconds but he realizes his beard is on fire. He quickly dunks his face in a bucket of beer and then passes out again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Grizz wakes up, back in the Saloon with no memory of how he got there, or where he has been. It takes a few seconds but he realizes his beard is on fire. He quickly dunks his face in a bucket of beer and then passes out again. Sorry Grizzes I think you got the cigar with a load in it? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Jake1001 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Knowing from past explosions of too much Nitro, Rocket Fuel and Dynamite that the tree might not be in the best shape when when fired in the Acme tree canon, Big Jake cut a second Tree. Having Flint and Miss Timberlines' express permission to take a tree, a 45 foot Nobel was loaded in the empty Wagon for the trip to the Saloon in Toostone. "Flint, come to town and drink your fill on Chili Pepper Kids' tab. He's the one who blew up your still. Draggin' on the ground behind the wagon, Big Jake drives the Wagon to Toostone and gets help unloading the Tree. Deja Vous sees the new Tree coming and gets shed of the Burnt up Skeleton tree and Helda and Maddog hold open the batwing doors. In comes the 45 foot tree and we poke the top up through the hole in the Saloons roof. Deja iz gonna have to shinny up the outside of the Saloon and put the Angel on top and put some deca-rations on the part sticking out the top. Grizz wakes up and stumbles out in the Saloon and sees the new tree, says "I'll be dogged, that tree turned right side up and grew new needles" Big Jake was putting little candles in empty shotgun shells. "Girls, get these on the tree" I'm tired and need ta sit a spell. "Buckets, I'll have a bucket of BEER and a cold mug please" Well, the Saloon has a tree and it's up to the Saloonatics to finish deca-raten it. It funny how much spolsives and people it takes ta git a Tree to the Saloon each year. It's always an adventure though. Big Jake P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE SALOONATICS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chip Tosser SASS#27040L Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Chip comes flying in through the batwings arms loaded with explosives,..... HURRY GUYS!!!!!... It's almost Christmas an we ain't got us .... a.... TREE!??? DANG!..... *Chip is mesmorized by the sight before him* We ain't never had us a tree afore that had all it's limbs..... an them green needles is a nice touch too... Usually they is a charred color. The smolder'n adds a nice aroma to the Saloon (ACS), but it's even better when it don't catch afire ever couple minutes... This's real nice..... Daze, and With his eyes afixed to the tree, Chip ambles over to the pot bellied stove and throws the contents of his arms in.... There.... that wood'll have er warmed up in here real quick like.... Chip (pay'n attention tain't one of his strong points) Tosser Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Big Jakes.. for the last time I am not going to put an apple on my head for you to shoot at!!! Now let me down off this tree before i start tossen ornaments at ya>>> lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Chip comes flying in through the batwings arms loaded with explosives,..... HURRY GUYS!!!!!... It's almost Christmas an we ain't got us .... a.... TREE!??? DANG!..... *Chip is mesmorized by the sight before him* We ain't never had us a tree afore that had all it's limbs..... an them green needles is a nice touch too... Usually they is a charred color. The smolder'n adds a nice aroma to the Saloon (ACS), but it's even better when it don't catch afire ever couple minutes... This's real nice..... Daze, and With his eyes afixed to the tree, Chip ambles over to the pot bellied stove and throws the contents of his arms in.... There.... that wood'll have er warmed up in here real quick like.... Chip (pay'n attention tain't one of his strong points) Tosser Darn it Chips can ;you wait until I get out of this tree before you toss those into the.......................oh no!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster Ron Wayne Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Gosh, was it a really big chainsaw you had to use to cut that puppy down? lol Nah, I drank some apple pie and pulled my Bowie out of my boot and cut it off that damn Yankees tree ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Kris Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Darn it Chips can ;you wait until I get out of this tree before you toss those into the.......................oh no!!!!!!!!!!! At that point, Calamity comes staggering in with a huge stack of German Christmas cookies of all kinds in her arms. The stack is so tall, she can't see over or around them....... "Vere do you want me to put zie cookies? Deja and Grizz zay dey vant cookies zo I brings dem." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 At that point, Calamity comes staggering in with a huge stack of German Christmas cookies of all kinds in her arms. The stack is so tall, she can't see over or around them....... "Vere do you want me to put zie cookies? Deja and Grizz zay dey vant cookies zo I brings dem." Kris,... is dem paper thin Moraven Cookies ? I just loves dem things ! ! (Taking a drink from his shotglass of Bulliet) Oh.... lookie at dat purty fire ! (HICKUP) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Jake1001 Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Big Jake sees 'ol Chip toss the arm load of splosives into the pot bellied stove. Duck! The stove door is not latched. KaboomHad the door been latched, the stove would have splodid. Luckly it wasn't and flames shot out and hit the tree. POOF Now it kinda looks like all the other Christmas the Saloon (ACS) has ever had. Big Jake was sitting at the table under the stairway so the flame didn't hit him directly but set his chaps on fire. He jumps out the Saloon window and in the horse trough. Deja Vous was just through settin the Angel on the tree when the flames shot out through the hole in the roof. Scorched but still there, the Angel survived. People are runnin' out the bat wing doors and jumpin' out the windows heading for the nearest horse trough to put out the smolderin' clothes. "Damn, we almost had a green tree this year" says Big Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Jake1001 Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Just one last bump for all the Saloonitics who didn't get to read the end of the story. Big Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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