Chili Pepper Kid, SASS #60463 Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Chili Pepper Kid staggers inta the Saloon after tieing his mule "Thundering Flatuance" at the hitching rail. "Bottles, ya better lay in a supply of rotgut whiskey and bandages. It's time ta get a tree fer this har Saloon"! Chili Pepper Kid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Well hot buttered spit! I reckon it's past time for a good old fashioned TREE FETCH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Oh, lordy, they been hittin' the fruitcake and bourbon balls early! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Hey I know CPK....... Deys a lone ole pine wif burn marks on da limbs just outside, near dat outhouse............. I tank dat one.................whoa.............hold yur horses.......... Dat's da tree we have necktie partys from.......... I got a double bladed axe dat's razor sharp, but I aint gonna go near dat outhouse wif a lited ceegar !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 An ax ya say? For cuttin down a Christmas tree for the Saloon? I ain't never heared of such foolishness. Nitro, we need nitro! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Chili Pepper Kid staggers inta the Saloon after tieing his mule "Thundering Flatuance" at the hitching rail. "Bottles, ya better lay in a supply of rotgut whiskey and bandages. It's time ta get a tree fer this har Saloon"! Chili Pepper Kid Chillis this time please don't cut down the biggest tree in the forrest? lol You know the mule can't drag it back.. and Grizzes about broke his leg last year playing Tiny Tim when he put the star on the top.. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Jake1001 Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I thinks mebee someones got ta git 'ol Sweetwater Jack and his Balooey and float over ta the Tree gittin' place and do sum recanortin' for a sizable tree. Nitro can be lit and lowered ta blow it sky high and mebee hit Toostone sumwheres close. Big Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I thinks mebee someones got ta git 'ol Sweetwater Jack and his Balooey and float over ta the Tree gittin' place and do sum recanortin' for a sizable tree. Nitro can be lit and lowered ta blow it sky high and mebee hit Toostone sumwheres close. Big Jake Big JAKES We need you to hold up tiny Time.. lol... You can do that right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finagler 6853 Life Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 We don't need us a sled to haul the tree neither. We got us a tree cannon. Load that rascle in and launch it all the way back to Toostone. If we get the trajectory just right, it ought to come down through the hole in the roof of the Saloon (ACS) that was left there when Chip dynamited the last one. I hope when this one comes down it doesn't break into Flint Westwood's underground humongidor. I could use a good cigar right about now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Jake1001 Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Where's 'ol Chip Tosser when ya need him? Someone who lives above the 49th parallel should git in touch with Calamity Jane and git her into the Saloon (ACS) ta help out with Dynamite if we run low on Nitro. Is that 'ol Balooey still tethered down to the platform by the Train Station? Only 10 days left till Christmas folks. Big Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flint McCloud 3103L Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I say that we need a tree and an adventure... and as for 'splosives... where it Chip...??? Vaya con Dios Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Dagnabbit folks, all we doin is sit around a jaw, lets go git us a tree! I know where I can....er, borrow a freight wagon and team, the rest of you all find chip and get some esplosives. Bottles, put that shotgun down and give us a couple bottles of the good stuff for the trail. no no no, don't worry none, no way we're gonna blow a hole in the roof this year. Nope, and you have...er, Badger Mountain Charlie's word on it, yeah, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Okay.. Grizzes is bringing home the tree drinks are on me.. maybe we might be sober enought to decorate it? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddog McCoy SASS #5672 Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Don't tell anybody, but I raided the warehouse at work the other day and got a couple of cases of the stuff we make there. I got a a case of Crown Royal, A case of Bullet, A case of Bullet Rye and a case of Moon Mountain Vodka. If we drink the first three cases and mix the Moon Mountain with the keg of Holy Black I have, do you all think we can get the tree out of the ground with that mix? I have 20 ft of waterproof fuse we can use to set it off. If that will not work, maybe I can get some 200 proof out of one of the railcars behind the plant. I will just put it in the wagon for Grizz and let me know what else you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Don't tell anybody, but I raided the warehouse at work the other day and got a couple of cases of the stuff we make there. I got a a case of Crown Royal, A case of Bullet, A case of Bullet Rye and a case of Moon Mountain Vodka. If we drink the first three cases and mix the Moon Mountain with the keg of Holy Black I have, do you all think we can get the tree out of the ground with that mix? I have 20 ft of waterproof fuse we can use to set it off. If that will not work, maybe I can get some 200 proof out of one of the railcars behind the plant. I will just put it in the wagon for Grizz and let me know what else you need. I like how you think... lol.... Can we put it on a railcar, drink the three cases, light up the 20ft of fuse with the BP christmas Party favor balls hung on the tree ... and just have a heck of a light show? I would like to chip in on some of those cool logs that burn in colors for the fireplace if that would be okay? ... Grizzes better hang the starr really fast..lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finagler 6853 Life Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Don't tell anybody, but I raided the warehouse at work the other day and got a couple of cases of the stuff we make there. I got a a case of Crown Royal, A case of Bullet, A case of Bullet Rye and a case of Moon Mountain Vodka. If we drink the first three cases and mix the Moon Mountain with the keg of Holy Black I have, do you all think we can get the tree out of the ground with that mix? I have 20 ft of waterproof fuse we can use to set it off. If that will not work, maybe I can get some 200 proof out of one of the railcars behind the plant. I will just put it in the wagon for Grizz and let me know what else you need. I'm not sure those liquids will work well as an explosive but they sure would work as rocket fuel. A rocket powered tree sled. Hmmmmmm. That just may work. That just may work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helda Huginkiss #23799 Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Helda and Aneeda are in the Christmas shed looking for Ornaments... They are all brand new because the tree never makes it to the saloon. Aneeda has glass balls in one hand and icicles in the other... " what do ya say Helda .. Lets head over to the saloon with these here ornaments and git ready to decorate the tree?" Helda is stringing popcorn and gettin the lights all straightened out. " OK Aneeda Lets go.. You know that Grizzly and Chip Tosser will find a way to make christmas smell like smokin pine trees and Gunpowder... just like it should. Im kinda lookin forward to seeing whats gonna happen next!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helda Huginkiss #23799 Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 "Oh wait!!!" HELDA says "we almost forgot the Missle Toes!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Helda, says Grizz, you come ride up on the wagon with me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster Ron Wayne Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Okay.. Grizzes is bringing home the tree drinks are on me.. maybe we might be sober enought to decorate it? lol I will by around a drinks for all . And her is a pic of my tree ! http://i1103.photobucket.com/albums/g476/rfugerron67/charleybrowntree.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finagler 6853 Life Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I will by around a drinks for all . And her is a pic of my tree ! http://i1103.photobucket.com/albums/g476/rfugerron67/charleybrowntree.jpg Rooster, Charlie Brown would be proud. Ya done good son. That's a mans tree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helda Huginkiss #23799 Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Helda is having "Dejavu" and some of her famous Peppermint "Schnapp" Patties!! " Here ya go grizz have a swig of this... Where is that Marshall RB and Chip Tosser anyway, they should have got that tree rounded up by now!! Are they still sittin around the Saloon??? That thar tree reminds me of the twig we had in the saloon the first year of CHristmas tree huntin!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sierra Jack Cassidy, SASS 14336Life Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Cassidy walks through the back door from the outhouse. He looks around and frowns mightily... "this looks like tree fetchin' time... dammit!!" He gets a beer from Bottles and looks at Finny, "so ya still think ya need Nitro to get a tree eh? You an' Chip are both cut from the same branch!" Cassidy slams the beer down and Bottles fetches another. He drinks that one too and looks around..."all right now. If ya ain't fetched a tree fer the Saloon (ACS) before, ya best know the three rules... first, the fair and lovely Timberline has the best trees. Second rule, if ya take any of Timberline's trees we could all end up dead from Timberline shootin' us down like dogs. Third rule... if we ever blow off the roof of the Saloon (ACS) again fetchin' the tree, Bottles will kill us all." He sighs "and I humbly request the tree stay on the ground cuz for some reason whenever it goes airborne I wind up travelin' with it an' I'm gettin' too old fer that! Now who knows a good safe tree and has a plan??" Cassidy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FancyFree#23612L Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 FancyFree walks into the Saloon carying a huge box. "Hi everyone, I have all the first aid supplies, so I think we are pretty well set." She opens the box and starts checking the supplies. Corks...........check Bandages, assorted sizes.......check burn ointment............check scissors, for cutting bandages.........check tree trimmer, for well you know ........check splints........check ace bandages.............check Now what else have I forgotten Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Rusty Bore SASS#22739 Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Yes it's tree fetchin time again! The only time of the year the Marshal rethinks his career decision of years past. Blown up jails, blown up trees, blown up Saloon (ACS) and blown up pards. Secretly Rusty has been going around town for weeks collecting all the TNT and Nitro in Toostone. There is one last large crate marked "Chip's Special Stock" the Marshal is trying to move. Boy this crate must weigh over 200 pounds sighs the Marshal as he drags it thru the alley to be locked safely in the jail he swears he can hear muffled sounds and bumps in the night. However whenever he stops he hears nothing. Finally arriving at the jail he has the crate safely locked up and stacked with all the other explosives in town. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chili Pepper Kid, SASS #60463 Posted December 16, 2011 Author Share Posted December 16, 2011 Yowzaa dat's alotta splosives fer one Christmas tree!! CPK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetwater Jack SASS28885L Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 The formerly kinda' dapper Sweetwater Jack staggers into the Toostone Saloon (ACS), smoldering remnants of an official US Cavalry, Aerostat Operator's Suit (now mostly small pieces of cotton cloth and a bunch of hot zippers) clinging to his portly body. (Author's Note: Aerostat Suits were once made of a fire-retardant material called NOMEX, until agitators from South of the Border and some liberal politicians considered NO-MEX to be insulting to certain folks and changed the specs to cotton) "BOTTLES!!" Quick! Two schooners of beer and a couple of BIG Margaritas .. NO SALT!!" The good Colonel (OK, LIEUTENANT Colonel, but he has hopes....) quickly pours the beer on the zippers to cool them and downs both Margaritas...... The Saloonatics, both male and female all yell at the same time "What Happened!!!???" "Well, you know I switched from hot air to METHANE GAS fer the Baluey's lifting bag 'cause the methane gave me more LIFT than plain hot air...and I was a'cruisin over the rail yards on the way out to the Christmas tree area out NEAR Timberline's place.... when all of a sudden there wuz this gawdawful hellish "KAWHOOSH..BOOM!!" and this little, scrawny, flaming PINE tree came a'hurtlin' straight up, and went through Ol #422's gas bag..... The methane musta' lit off when that Surface ta Air Pine tree went through the bag! Next thing I knows, I'M a'hurtlin' straight DOWN! Lucky I hit that big ol' haystack that WUZ out behind the Saloon (ACS) instead of comin' down through the roof again. Too bad I din't come down in the horse trough like usual.... would'a put out the flames and cooled them dang zippers without a'wastin' all that beer..!!! "I s'pose the Army'll make me pay fer the suit..........." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddog McCoy SASS #5672 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I kicked the doors the saloon open and stomped up the bar. "Give me a shot of bourbon" I turned around the whole saloon was lookin at me and one of them spoke up "What wrong with you Maddog, you look kinda mad " . I tossed back my shot and Said" Well, I enticed one the engineers to swipe a tank car of 200 proof and he was to bring in down to the siding out back of the Saloon so we could use it for the tree fetching and the party. He said he got down to the rail yard and parked it by a flat car of christmas trees that were being shipped to Chicago. When he came back a couple hours later, he said the tanker and the trees were gone and all that was left was this big burn spot on the tracks. Since I had enticed him the Chicago way(I bribed him), I took him back to the place I met him behind tied behind my horse. He won't be making anymore deals with anybody else in the future" I looked around spotted Sweetwater Jack half burned up. "Sweetwater, you would know anything about what happened to my tanker of 200 proof alcohol?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 wholly cccccow fellers, I dunno what Helda gived me ta drank, but itssss powerfull stufpf dats fer dang shore! I heared dat dang tin star locked up all the splosives down to da hoose gow, who's wit me ta go break it out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Don't tell anybody, but I raided the warehouse at work the other day and got a couple of cases of the stuff we make there. I got a a case of Crown Royal, A case of Bullet, A case of Bullet Rye and a case of Moon Mountain Vodka. If we drink the first three cases and mix the Moon Mountain with the keg of Holy Black I have, do you all think we can get the tree out of the ground with that mix? I have 20 ft of waterproof fuse we can use to set it off. If that will not work, maybe I can get some 200 proof out of one of the railcars behind the plant. I will just put it in the wagon for Grizz and let me know what else you need. Maddog....Ifin ya need help wif dat case of Bulliet, I'll send ya my address and ya' can ship dat case of Bulliet to me. I'll be glad to git dat christmas spirit going go !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I will by around a drinks for all . And her is a pic of my tree ! http://i1103.photobu...eybrowntree.jpg Gosh, was it a really big chainsaw you had to use to cut that puppy down? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 FancyFree walks into the Saloon carying a huge box. "Hi everyone, I have all the first aid supplies, so I think we are pretty well set." She opens the box and starts checking the supplies. Corks...........check Bandages, assorted sizes.......check burn ointment............check scissors, for cutting bandages.........check tree trimmer, for well you know ........check splints........check ace bandages.............check Now what else have I forgotten Rotfl... that is great!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helda Huginkiss #23799 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Aw Shucks Grizz its just hot chocolate and a weeeeee bit o Peppermin Schnapps.. Its a pepp ppp pppppeeeppperrrrmintt..pppp PAttie! What the HECK IS THAT!!!!!>>>>>?????? a Large Very Very lARGE bARRELL COMES ROLLING DOWN THE STREETS OF TOOSTONE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 OK boys, I got a couple sticks of dynomite I keep in my saddle bags, what say we get Helda to distract that tin star and we go blow the door off the jail cell and get the rest of the explosives so we can go get us a tree! Who's with me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddog McCoy SASS #5672 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I walked over to the door of the saloon and put my arm around Helda and said"What are you looking at honey". I then saw the barrel rolling down the street and looked over at Griz and said, "Griz, what did you do with the barrels of black powder and vodka I mixed up and put in your wagon? It looks like one of them is rolling down the street". Griz shrugged and said "Last I knew, there was only one barrel and it was in the wagon." "Griz, I mixed up four barrels and put them in the wagon. Don't worry, I have an idea." I walked back to the bar and picked up my 44 marlin rifle and walked out into the street. I looked back at the saloon and they were all watching me. I looked back at them and said" Finagler said that mix should make good rocket fuel, but I think it should blow up. Let's find out who is right?. I levered a round into my 44 and yelled out "Fire in the Hole" and pulled the trigger. Marchel Rusty Bore was locking the door to the jail and was thinkin "I got it all under control this time." As he turn around he saw this barrel rolling in front of the jail and as he looked down at the saloon, He saw Maddog in the street yellin "FIRE IN THE HOLE". He looked back at the barrel and the 44 slug hit the end of the barrel and flames started shooting out the end of the where a funnel was attached to the barrel. The barrel stopped rolling and as the flames got bigger, the barrel took off flying thru the air right at the Marshal and the door of the jail. The Marshel thought to himself "Dam, this is not going to be good" I lowered my rifle and watched the barrel starting to fly thru the air and looked back at the Saloon where they were still watching me. I yelled out over the noise,"I guess Finagler is right, it makes better rocket fuel than explosives" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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