How to get rid of squirrels at church

[Buckshot Bob]

And then there is this:
  The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation.  After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
 
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry.  The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves.  The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
 
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures.  So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church.  Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
 
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning.  They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
 
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy!  They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church.  Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
 
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue.  They took the first squirrel and circumcised him.  They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

[Blackwater 53393]

The Pentecostals had a pot luck supper and BBQ Squirrel cooking contest!!

 

They had to replace the siding and several windows, but it’s been years since they’ve seen a squirrel!!

[Perro Del Diablo]

 

[Kid Rich]

All of em coulda just weeded the nuts out of the congregations and the squirrels woulda left on their own;

kR

[Blackwater 53393]

1 hour ago, Kid Rich said:

All of em could just weeded the nuts out of the congregations and the squirrels woulda left on their own;

kR

 

Fat chance of THAT happening!! 

[watab kid]

this was fun , thanks for all the levity 

[Forty Rod SASS 3935]

5 hours ago, Perro Del Diablo said:

 

Now, that's something I ahven't seen in years.  That and "The Streak" are classics.

 

Is old Ray still alive?

[Ozark Huckleberry]

Need to thin out the squirrels at church?

 

[Ramblin Gambler]

15 hours ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

Is old Ray still alive?

 

yup.  In fact there was an internet hoax just this month that he had died.  AFAIK he isn't working much these days though. 

 

Since this has halfway evolved into our favorite Ray Stevens songs, for me it's the Ballad of the Blue Cylone part 1 and the Ballad of the Blue Cyclone part 2.  He did a combined version of those songs that in my opinion left out too many of the funniest parts. 

 

 

[Waxahachie Kid #17017 L]

All we have to do at our church is pass the offering plate. That insures you'll never see them again.

 

[Blackwater 53393]

15 hours ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

Now, that's something I ahven't seen in years.  That and "The Streak" are classics.

 

Is old Ray still alive?

 

Yep!!

[Perro Del Diablo]

 

[Blackwater 53393]

20 hours ago, Forty Rod SASS 3935 said:

Now, that's something I ahven't seen in years.  That and "The Streak" are classics.

 

Is old Ray still alive?

 

My son, Hatfield, used to work for a pool company. They serviced Ray’s pool.  He says Ray is a good guy!!