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“That kid ain’t gonna jump no more.”


Subdeacon Joe

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Breaking News:

REPORT: Witnesses Say Tragic Parachute Accident ‘A Hell Of A Way To Die!’

 

“It was routine. The engines were roaring, so I had to shout to ask everybody if they were happy, and he said yes like the others, though he was pretty meek about it,” McCue said. “Then I stood them up for their equipment checks, and he tightened his pack a little. When the light went green, he jumped.”

Private Mo Dwyer, who went out shortly after Atkins, said he wasn’t sure if his static line was hooked. “I’m pretty sure he was counting, though. It’s hard to hear up there, but he was loud. After my chute deployed, he just kept dropping. It was awful.”

Sources on the ground later saw Atkins reserve chute begin to deploy but the silk just wrapped around his legs.

“After that, he just got wrapped and tangled up in everything,” said Capt. DeSean Baker. “The canopy looked like a blanket or a shroud or something. He just dropped, man. I mean, he hurtled all the way to the ground.”

Atkins apparently spent his last moments thinking about his girlfriend back home, whom he’d left behind while attending jump school. He somehow managed to send her a three letter text message, which read “ILY.”


 

 

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Why do you post these stupid fake news stories from that moronic website?

 

Paratroopers do die in jump accidents and it's tragic, but to post this fake story?

Alot of these "articles" are pretty accurate reflections on the absurdities of life in the military, but yeah I didn't really "get" this one.

 

Many of them are hilarious, though.

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Alot of these "articles" are pretty accurate reflections on the absurdities of life in the military, but yeah I didn't really "get" this one.

 

Many of them are hilarious, though.

 

I was a little put off by this one as well, until I got to this part:

 

 

 

Atkins apparently spent his last moments thinking about his girlfriend back home, whom he’d left behind while attending jump school. He somehow managed to send her a three letter text message, which read “ILY.

 

That's when I laughed. Somewhat of a commentary of the priorities of the younger generation.

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My dad was an Oklahoma cowboy who did welding.

He always said if he ever went up in a plane, he was taking his welding cables with him.

If something happened he was going to tossing the ends of his cables.

"They hangup on every thing."

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Why do you post these stupid fake news stories from that moronic website?

 

Paratroopers do die in jump accidents and it's tragic, but to post this fake story?

 

 

This article is a spoof generated by the song, "Blood Upon The Risers." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_on_the_Risers Maybe that song should be banned, eh? After all, it's making fun of training accidents.

 

There are enough hints, even in the little bit I quoted, that anyone even vaguely familiar with Paratroopers - or who has even just watched Band of Brothers - would catch it. Heck, "ain't gonna jump no more" in the subject line should have been a tip off.

 

Duffel Blog seems to be a rather popular site with many active, and former, members of the armed service.

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I like it!

Only a paratrooper can appreciate the dark humor though I guess.

:D

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And I recall the amusing cadences we marched to in jump school. Always at double tine of course.

 

Airborne Airborne, have you heard?

I'm gonna jump from a big assed bird.

 

Stand up hook up shuffle to the door

Jump right out and count to four

 

I'f my chute don't open round

I'll be the first one to the ground

 

If my chute don't open wide

I'll be a spot on the countryside.

 

Here we go, here we go

All the way, all the way

Every day, every day

Airborne

Ranger

One mile - no good

Two miles - no good

Three miles - no good

Five miles - so good

 

AIRBORNE! ;)r

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I like it!

Only a paratrooper can appreciate the dark humor though I guess.

:D

p

Thanks, Bob. I think it also helps to know a little history and have an appreciation of satire.

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I must have been brain dead earlier. I didn't even make the connection to "Blood on the Risers."

 

Bob, when it comes to cadences, what about:

 

If my main don't open wide

I've got a reserve by my side

 

If that one should fail me too

Look out below I'm coming through

(also called as "lookout ground I'm coming through)

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I must have been brain dead earlier. I didn't even make the connection to "Blood on the Risers."

 

Bob, when it comes to cadences, what about:

 

If my main don't open wide

I've got a reserve by my side

 

If that one should fail me too

Look out below I'm coming through

(also called as "lookout ground I'm coming through)

Yup. (And the ones that are not appropriate for this open forum)
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I'm quite familiar with military history. I spent a total of 14 years serving my country, enlisted, and as a commissioned officer. I just think your choice of satire is without class. But hey, that's just me, some think its funny. I'm just one who does not. I'm sure you will continue to post more breaking fake news.

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I enjoy a lot of the stuff on The Duffelblog. Many of my active duty friends do as well. But humor is a subjective thing for sure.

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Yup. (And the ones that are not appropriate for this open forum)

 

Well, I didn't even want to go there. Well, I would, but, I do enjoy coming here, so I won't...

 

Basic training had a few slightly off-color cadences, but not many. My first unit was a medical lab unit that was "coed," so we didn't get risque much at all. Once I got to 11th Group, that changed right quick. I had a hard time marching and not laughing my head off the first time I marched to "Christopher Columbo."

 

I'm quite familiar with military history. I spent a total of 14 years serving my country, enlisted, and as a commissioned officer. I just think your choice of satire is without class. But hey, that's just me, some think its funny. I'm just one who does not. I'm sure you will continue to post more breaking fake news.

 

As Bob said, humor is subjective. I spent the vast majority of my years as a medic, and that is an area, like combat arms, where many tend to develop a strong gallow's humor. Not to put too fine a point on it, but there have been times when laughing was the only way to keep functioning and not curling up in the fetal position, or worse.

 

I'm also going to try not to sound like a jerk when I say you have the ability to not click on threads started by Joe.

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I think SDJ posts alot of interesting videos, and I think some of the duffleblog articles are hilarious. This one didn't offend me, I just didn't think it was funny. Their material is kinda hit and miss.

 

There are other threads and posts that aren't funny or even that offend me, but I generally don't feel compelled to announce it. If I do feel it necessary, I say my peace and move on. I doubt anyone much cares what I think anyway so...

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Why do you post these stupid fake news stories from that moronic website?

 

Paratroopers do die in jump accidents and it's tragic, but to post this fake story?

 

I may regret this but am going to jump in anyway. In the wilds of Ft. Bragg, NC, during the summer of 1960 I was part of a set of very green Second Lieutenants who were expected to jump out of a perfectly good aircraft while it was well up in the air. We were immediately introduced to "Blood upon the Risers" and soon learned the real meaning of the lyrics.

 

Yes, it is gallows humor but there is a real message there about checking ALL your gear and hooking up properly. Those who could not manage to follow through and complete the course in spite of any fear that the concept might generate were, of course, washed out. Is the derived so-called "news story" in poor taste? Well, yeah! However, any paratrooper and some only associated with them would immediately understand the OP's "story" and where it really came from.

 

To those who may have taken offense, stop and think about it. It was not and is not derogatory to any military or, in particular, paratroopers. The problem is that "straight legs" are unlikely to understand the real meaning of the song. All I can say in closing is "Get over it!"

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Paratroops have always had a very dark sense of humor, it goes with the job as a lot of them are killed or injured doing their job. I picked up on the joke as "Blood on the Risers" which was old when Utah Bob was a butter bar (no disrespect as I was a slick sleeve at the same time.

 

Old Top

A 4/325

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I liked the story and remember well calling cadence to "Blood On The Risers". I enjoy almost all of SDJ's posts, though some of them I may not get or don't find funny for one reason or another. I knew from the title of this post just what it was about. As one of those who has jumped out of perfectly good airplanes, I appreciated the humor.

 

Duffel Blog isn't my favorite site, but I'm glad they do what they do. I'm glad SDJ does what he does also! ;D

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I liked the story and remember well calling cadence to "Blood On The Risers". I enjoy almost all of SDJ's posts, though some of them I may not get or don't find funny for one reason or another. I knew from the title of this post just what it was about. As one of those who has jumped out of perfectly good airplanes, I appreciated the humor.

 

Duffel Blog isn't my favorite site, but I'm glad they do what they do. I'm glad SDJ does what he does also! ;D

 

Thanks, Bama Red.

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Now there is some advice worth consideration. Just say no to Joe.

 

I would much rather read one of Alpo's whacky question of the day like why vests don't have sleeves.

I'll continue to click on Joe.

 

I enjoy the variety and eclectic subjects.

 

I also served a total of 34 years and appreciate the majority of the gallows humor that seems to be even more prevalent in the MOS where the highest risk is involved.. When I don't, I move on.

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I'm thinking The Saloon would be a mighty lonely place without Joe's posts.

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I'm thinking The Saloon would be a mighty lonely place without Joe's posts.

 

I believe it would certainly lose something.

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My dad was an Oklahoma cowboy who did welding.

He always said if he ever went up in a plane, he was taking his welding cables with him.

If something happened he was going to tossing the ends of his cables.

"They hangup on every thing."

AMEN

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