Some of History's savage insult remarks

[Father Kit Cool Gun Garth]

[watab kid]

one of my favorites was from the girl next door to a guy that thought he knew everything about everything ---"you believe what you want , ill believe the truth" 

very wise for a ten year old , he had no retort , i stored it away for future use , have used it a number of times ....im starting to feel the need all too often these days 

[bgavin]

"If I was interested in something that whines and chases a ball, I'd get a dog."

"I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight."

 

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

 

"If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

 

"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them."

 

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

 

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."

 

 

 

[Rip Snorter]

Woman to Winston Churchill "Sir, you are drunk!"  Winston "Yes Madam, and you are ugly.  Tomorrow I shall be sober."

[Yellowhouse Sam # 25171]

If I had a dog as ugly as yours I'd shave his butt and make it walk backwards.

[Linn Keller, SASS 27332, BOLD 103]

"The man was so crooked, when he was alive he had to plant a grove of corkscrews for shade, and when dead, had to be screwed into the ground."

[Rip Snorter]

1 hour ago, Yellowhouse Sam # 25171 said:

If I had a dog as ugly as yours I'd shave his butt and make it walk backwards.

I heard this differently "If I had a dog with a face as ugly as yours..."

[Pat Riot]

My Dad’s favorite:

”Boy, if you had a brain in your head it would look like a BB in a boxcar!”

 

 

[Rip Snorter]

"If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your nose"   Vonnegut's less known version ends '...blow your hat off!"

[Dirty Dan Dawkins]

15 hours ago, Father Kit Cool Gun Garth said:

That last one reminds of a guy I worked with. His mother was a prostitute, so you can kind of figure the sort of life he had. He told me once his mother told him she should have thrown him away and raised the afterbirth.

[Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663]

SFC Hooks: "That man is dumber than a day-old monkey."

 

Me: "I'm doing the very best that I can!!" 

SFC Hooks: "I was afraid of that."

 

SFC Hooks, when we were screwing up by the numbers:  "My God!  I've been completely surrounded and overrun by incompetence!"

[Rip Snorter]

Only a Marine DI can make the word Candidate sound like an amalgam of all the lowest lifeforms.

[Yellowhouse Sam # 25171]

My all time favorite which I recited and played out in front of a couple hundred government managers in DC.  This was one of those wonderful and costly management training sessions where we formed teams and acted out different scenarios to enhance diversity among other delightful goals.  Our team being the Wizard of Oz and me the no brain Scarecrow.   Being the only one there wearing boots I slipped one off and started staring at the heel.  Our Dorothy who had not a clue asked me what I was doing?  Deadpanning , in my best West Texas drawl,  I shouted the Lion said I couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel and danged if I can see em!  

 

Of course this is an old country euphemism to lightly insult someone just not right.

 

Anyway, people snorted coffee everywhere and it brought the house down.....mostly yankees they had never heard such but it left them laughing in tears.   I even took a bow.