Red Logan #12252 Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 THE IRISH PROSTITUTE An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily. Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru? ' The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad.... I became a prostitute.' 'Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You 're a disgrace to this Catholic family.' 'OK, Dad... As ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that ' s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club (takes a breath). And an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera .' 'Now what was it ye said ye had become? ' says Dad. Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff..... A prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff.' 'Oh! Be Gorra! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunner Gatlin, SASS 10274L Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Aye, that be acceptable... GG ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tennessee Stud, SASS# 43634 Life Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 You tell that joke to coupla frinds of mine... they'll kill ya. Sure as hell-fire. Jimmy Kelley... and Danny McCrary... you might want to limit yore bigoted posts. Thank goodness they ain't SASS.... But hey... I could care less... I'm Sicilian. You start any WOP, DAGO, or GREASER jokes... Well... I'll let ya know. ts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeremiah Sullivan Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 You tell that joke to coupla frinds of mine... they'll kill ya. Sure as hell-fire. Jimmy Kelley... and Danny McCrary... you might want to limit yore bigoted posts. Thank goodness they ain't SASS.... But hey... I could care less... I'm Sicilian. You start any WOP, DAGO, or GREASER jokes... Well... I'll let ya know. ts Well, offense is in the eye of the beholder. I have heard numerous re-tellings of that joke over the years. Including more than once by a Catholic priest and at least once by a Nun. The self-depricating humor is based on the broad caracachure whereby the presumption is that tis far worse to change worship patterns than to adhere to the moral code. Ireland and the Irish, for all their/our trouble over the years, have been known from time to time, to have a wee sense of humor. Now sit back, take a deep breath, and have a wee taste of the Jameson. You will feel better for it. Slan Augus beannacht De Orth. (Which I was told translates roughly to "Good health, and God be with ye.") And have another wee dram, on me. oh, and did you hear the one about the priest in the confessional at Notre Dame campus? A footballer comes in and confesses a long series of intentional fouls he had committed against last week's opponents. Father O/Malley is keeping score with a piece of white chalk, making tick marks along the sleve of his cassock, all the while "Tsk, Tisk" and "Tut, tut" ing under his breadth. At the end of the recitation, his arms is virtually white for the marks and he has planned a week-long novena of penances for the haples player, when Father asks, "And now, lad, just who were you playing, last week?" When the lad replies "Southern Methodist, Father" the good confessor whipes his sleve clean, says, "ah, well, byes will be byes, say one "Our Father" and three "Hail Marys" and be a good lad....." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LEAD BANE, SASS 70197 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 You tell that joke to coupla frinds of mine... they'll kill ya. Sure as hell-fire. Jimmy Kelley... and Danny McCrary... you might want to limit yore bigoted posts. Thank goodness they ain't SASS.... But hey... I could care less... I'm Sicilian. You start any WOP, DAGO, or GREASER jokes... Well... I'll let ya know. ts The more of my posts people read the more they probaly think im a ass. The more posts of yours I read the more I realize your full of shit, or slightly off. Respond with whatever you will, Ill not say anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 The more of my posts people read the more they probaly think im a ass. The more posts of yours I read the more I realize your full of shit, or slightly off. Respond with whatever you will, Ill not say anymore. Hey, L.B., Ol' Studly is just ......Well he's okay if you don't take him seriously. He don't take himself seriously 'cause he knows better. As to your membership in the American Select Society Helping Others Less Enlightened......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iron Pony Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Red, this is pushing it but IIRC the first version of this joke I heard was from an Irish priest, think he was from Derry but it might have been Belfast, in about '72-'74 visiting family of a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fargo Bill, SASS #4942 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 THE IRISH PROSTITUTE An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily. Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru? ' The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad.... I became a prostitute.' 'Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You 're a disgrace to this Catholic family.' 'OK, Dad... As ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that ' s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club (takes a breath). And an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera .' 'Now what was it ye said ye had become? ' says Dad. Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff..... A prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff.' 'Oh! Be Gorra! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!! Not too good for the healthy wire. Shame on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Sloe Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 Ya know, I read it and smiled. Called the wife over, she read it and laughed. And yes, I have Irish blood in my background. Seems like we have to be politically correct no matter what even for jokes. Enjoy it for what it was meant to be, a joke. Keep your bias' to yourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grapeshot 8553 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 You tell that joke to coupla frinds of mine... they'll kill ya. Sure as hell-fire. Jimmy Kelley... and Danny McCrary... you might want to limit yore bigoted posts. Thank goodness they ain't SASS.... But hey... I could care less... I'm Sicilian. You start any WOP, DAGO, or GREASER jokes... Well... I'll let ya know. ts Mama Mia, another member of that lost indian tribe known as the Awopahoes. (P.S. My GrandParrents were from around Naples, Italia and my Uncle Tony told me that joke when I was a kid.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tennessee Stud, SASS# 43634 Life Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 The more posts of yours I read the more I realize your full of shit, or slightly off. So... what's yore point, friend? ts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tennessee Stud, SASS# 43634 Life Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Mama Mia, another member of that lost indian tribe known as the Awopahoes. (P.S. My GrandParrents were from around Naples, Italia and my Uncle Tony told me that joke when I was a kid.) Hey... paisan. Mother from Catania... Father from Palermo. 'Bout the joke... been tole it a thousand times. But got to take up for my friends (although I could care less).... this time a year... they sure hate the jokes. They keep remindin' me... "if it weren't fer whiskey... they would have ruled the world". ts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tennessee Stud, SASS# 43634 Life Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Hey, L.B., Ol' Studly is just ......Well he's okay if you don't take him seriously. He don't take himself seriously 'cause he knows better. As to your membership in the American Select Society Helping Others Less Enlightened......... Hey Slackwater... sure do appreciate you, my good Pard. At least somebody really does understand me. hehehe ts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Balz, SASS#46599 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Hey Slackwater... sure do appreciate you, my good Pard. At least somebody really does understand me. hehehe ts Spoken like a true Dago :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tennessee Stud, SASS# 43634 Life Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Spoken like a true Dago :lol: hehehe... don't make me come on out to Utired... drink adult beverages... and ride horses wiya. ts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smokey Shayne Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I laughed...does that count for anything? I could get offended by all the redneck jokes....but I dont TS maybe be full of it, but it gets kinda boring when hes not around. I always look forward to seeing what he will say next and also look forward to getting to meet him somewhere down the trail one day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Complicated Lady Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I laughed...does that count for anything? I could get offended by all the redneck jokes....but I dont TS maybe be full of it, but it gets kinda boring when hes not around. I always look forward to seeing what he will say next and also look forward to getting to meet him somewhere down the trail one day "could get offended by all the redneck jokes" that made me laugh I guess that's like me saying I "could get offended by all the blonde jokes" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickahominy Charlie Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I guess that's like me saying I "could get offended by all the blonde jokes" Reminds me of a Dolly Parton interview I once saw. She was asked, "Do you get offended by all the blonde jokes?" She sly replies, "Why no honey!....cuz you see (lowers voice to whisper)....I'm not really blonde." (laughs hysterically afterward). Will somebody post a good lawyer joke that I haven't heard? I need a good laugh today.......or maybe I just feel the need to be offended. Chick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Branch Louie Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Reminds me of a Dolly Parton interview I once saw. She was asked, "Do you get offended by all the blonde jokes?" She sly replies, "Why no honey!....cuz you see (lowers voice to whisper)....I'm not really blonde." (laughs hysterically afterward). Will somebody post a good lawyer joke that I haven't heard? I need a good laugh today.......or maybe I just feel the need to be offended. Chick Know what a tragedy is? A busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. Everybody needs to be a little thicker skinned. I'm a redneck, part Cherokeee Indian, Scottish, short, not very handsome, slow cowboy shooter from the South who loves GM trucks and is married to a Mexican woman. Hell, I could get mad about MOST jokes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tennessee Stud, SASS# 43634 Life Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Know the difference in a carp... and an attorney? One is a bottom-feedin', scum-sucker... The other is a fish. (With all due respect to my good pals on this board... J. Mark bein' of 'em.) ts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Complicated Lady Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Reminds me of a Dolly Parton interview I once saw. She was asked, "Do you get offended by all the blonde jokes?" She sly replies, "Why no honey!....cuz you see (lowers voice to whisper)....I'm not really blonde." (laughs hysterically afterward). Will somebody post a good lawyer joke that I haven't heard? I need a good laugh today.......or maybe I just feel the need to be offended. Chick Dolly Parton also used to say... "It costs a lot of money to look this cheap!" I always liked Dolly Parton because she knew she was intelligent so she didn't care if anyone else knew it.... she could laugh at herself....didn't take herself too serious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cascade Charlie, SASS # 48668L Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I was in a pub on Saturday night. I noticed two large girls by the bar. They both had strong accents so I said “Hi, are you two girls from Scotland ?” One of them chirped “It’s WALES you friggin' idiot!” So I immediately apologized and said “Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Balz, SASS#46599 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I was in a pub on Saturday night. I noticed two large girls by the bar. They both had strong accents so I said “Hi, are you two girls from Scotland ?” One of them chirped “It’s WALES you friggin' idiot!” So I immediately apologized and said “Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?” :lol: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tennessee Stud, SASS# 43634 Life Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I was in a pub on Saturday night. I noticed two large girls by the bar. They both had strong accents so I said “Hi, are you two girls from Scotland ?” One of them chirped “It’s WALES you friggin' idiot!” So I immediately apologized and said “Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?” shhhhheeeshhhh.... hehehehehe... Dammit Charlie... you assho... I do love you buddy. But you made me pee myself... one of the costs of gettin' old, I guess. ts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Branch Louie Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I was in a pub on Saturday night. I noticed two large girls by the bar. They both had strong accents so I said “Hi, are you two girls from Scotland ?” One of them chirped “It’s WALES you friggin' idiot!” So I immediately apologized and said “Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?” Hey! Watch it with the Scottish jokes, I'm very sensitive! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Logan #12252 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 Only the Irish have Jokes Like These Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, Looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, His face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. " Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, He must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, And a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." " Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, Didn't you have something in your hand?" That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of Beauty it was, but useless in a fight." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Bob #35998 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 shhhhheeeshhhh.... hehehehehe... Dammit Charlie... you assho... I do love you buddy. But you made me pee myself... one of the costs of gettin' old, I guess. ts +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pack Saddle Slim, SASS #73122 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 +2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Kris Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Between the blond, old, Kraut, fat, Irish, wimmen, Californians ............... you get the picture, I should have been really insulted. You know what tho, life's too short to take this stuff seriously. If you are easily offended or don't want your kids reading it, don't get on the wire, least of all the Saloon. Otherwise, don't take yourself or others too seriously. Life's too short for that. {This coming from a lady who had the manicurist paint one nail green in honor of St. Paddie's Day. The gals in the salon 'bout broke their necks turning their noses up at me. } Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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