Curley Cole, SASS #56849 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Written by a third grader , on what his grandparents do. > > After Christmas , a teacher asked her young pupils how > they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the > following: > > We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and > Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house , but Grandpa got > retarded and they moved to Arizona . Now they live in a tin box and > have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their > bicycles , and wear name tags , because they don't know who they are > anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center , but they must > have got it fixed because it is all okay now , they do exercises there > , but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too , but > they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate , there is > a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day > so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out , and go cruising in > their golf carts. Nobody there cooks , they just eat out. And , they > eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of the people > can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out > , bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says > that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and , says I > should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my > retardment , I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let > people out , so they can visit their grandchildren. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Meadows,SASS#28485L Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Many people think that I'm retarded, but I won't be for a couple more years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texas Jim Henry, SASS #20616 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Scary to think that many of us are headed in that direction... if we're not there already! Regards, TJH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Pain Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I won't be retarded, I won't, I won't, I won't. I'm gonna shoot till I'm shot! Major Payne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I've been retarded for, wow!, six years now. At first I'd go back to work as a Retarded Irritant. Now, I just stay home and irritate my husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lefty Dude, SASS # 51223 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Yep; I am Retarded, in Arizona, in a Retarded Community. Life is Good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fingers McGee Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I've been retarded for almost 8 years now. Haven't seen the need to move to a retardment community, don't think I could sneak past the guy in the doll house. Besides, I don't like tin boxes or painted rocks Fingers (Show Me MO smoke) McGee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Original Bad Bob Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I hope to be retarded someday soon. I'm really looking forward to it. Brains are overrated anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smoken D Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 The wonderful life of retardment. It's Monday, snowing like crazy, and they pay me to stay at home. No more rush rush hours or other crazy folks trying to drive in the snow! Gotta love it. Time ta head to da shop downstairs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I hope to be retarded someday soon. I'm really looking forward to it. Brains are overrated anyway. Hey Newbie, You are going to fit in here very well! That was too funny!!! Regards, Allie Mo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GunClick Rick Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 And they all hang around with a police club called social securities And they make butter out of apples cuase they cain't chew no more And it's good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curley Cole, SASS #56849 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 And they all hang around with a police club called social securities And they make butter out of apples cuase they cain't chew no more And it's good! and I represent that remark. I love it that they pay me more to stay home than they did to work... curley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iron Pony Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I'd send this to my Mom and Dad, he would laugh and she would smack me even though she'd have to wait till July to deliver the dope slap. Theres nothing wrong with Mom's memory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grouchy Spike Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 My grandkids KNOW that I'm retarded. Who else would serve them cake and ice cream for breakfast if the gkids ask? Or Blue Bell on the cereal? There are limits tho, no more than two scoops of BB! Cake is a fancy biscuit and ice cream is frozen milk. Not a big deal, unless the parents are up before the grandkids. I'd imagine that the memory of me that those gkids will carry is "The Blue Bell King". Or being rousted out of bed at 6 a.m. to join me for coffee - no late sleepers when they're at my house! It's early to bed, early to rise. When I told one of the gdaughters 'The early bird gets the worm' she replied 'Yuck, who wants a worm. A grandson said 'Good, let's gett'em and go fishing!' Then there was the day grandson No Chance was with me and Sweet Tooth visiting Chili's for lunch after a match. When we sat down, and before the waiter arrived, Sweet Tooth asked No Chance whether he might eat a chocolate volcano for dessert. Chance quickly assented, and when the waiter arrived Sweet Tooth ordered two chocolate volcanoes to be delivered immediately, and told the waiter that we'd order lunch afterward. The volcanoes arrived, both dug in and Chance learned 'Eat dessert first." Now that didn't work so well with Mom when Chance returned home after his summer visit, and he probably thinks that all of Grandpa's friends are retarded too but considering the experiences he's had I guess he's OK with that. I'm sure that his mom thinks that we are all retarded around here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warhorse Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 All I can say is that I have been retarded for over 11 years now and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! Warhorse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shenny Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Only 4 more years till I can be middle retarded. shenny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooleemee Edd, SASS No. 68719 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Well, my mother is now 89. She says, "When I go to the doctor, he says 'you have a lot of aches and pains and you are taking a lot of pills, but you ARE 89, you know." Then she says, "I am so forgettful...I think that I've lost my marbles!" One day when she said that after I had taken her dinner (she lives across the street from us), I responded with: "Could your marbles have rolled under the couch?" She laughed, then we both got down on our hands and knees and looked under the couch! My mother is a great-grandmother and a grandmother to our two little ones. "Moonbeam" goes over there about every day and she and Grandma have "tea" together and play with the big old 3-story dollhouse that Grandpa built for her before he passed. You've gotta love your Momma...you're going to miss them some day, and you never want to let a day go by without saying, "I love you, Mom!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dakota Rebel, SASS# 58412 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I'm gonna resemble that remark soon. I put my papers in for my Federal retirement. It's third (cop and National Guard) so I'll be triple retarded. AZ, here I come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pay Dirt Norvelle #90056 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Being "Retartded" is great! It was five years for me this past October. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Complicated Lady Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 My grandkids KNOW that I'm retarded. Who else would serve them cake and ice cream for breakfast if the gkids ask? Or Blue Bell on the cereal? There are limits tho, no more than two scoops of BB! Cake is a fancy biscuit and ice cream is frozen milk. Not a big deal, unless the parents are up before the grandkids. I'd imagine that the memory of me that those gkids will carry is "The Blue Bell King". Or being rousted out of bed at 6 a.m. to join me for coffee - no late sleepers when they're at my house! It's early to bed, early to rise. When I told one of the gdaughters 'The early bird gets the worm' she replied 'Yuck, who wants a worm. A grandson said 'Good, let's gett'em and go fishing!' Then there was the day grandson No Chance was with me and Sweet Tooth visiting Chili's for lunch after a match. When we sat down, and before the waiter arrived, Sweet Tooth asked No Chance whether he might eat a chocolate volcano for dessert. Chance quickly assented, and when the waiter arrived Sweet Tooth ordered two chocolate volcanoes to be delivered immediately, and told the waiter that we'd order lunch afterward. The volcanoes arrived, both dug in and Chance learned 'Eat dessert first." Now that didn't work so well with Mom when Chance returned home after his summer visit, and he probably thinks that all of Grandpa's friends are retarded too but considering the experiences he's had I guess he's OK with that. I'm sure that his mom thinks that we are all retarded around here. Oh Spike... I loved reading that story. I could see you and hear you while I read it. Grandbabies are wonderful.... my Laramie is only 17 months old but we already have a grand time at Nana's house :-> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GunClick Rick Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 and I represent that remark. I love it that they pay me more to stay home than they did to work... curley If he would pay me that much to stop robbin him,i'd stop robbin him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smithy Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Although I won't be officially retarded for another 12 or maybe it's 15 years (I've got to check my union book on that one), the Company (un)fortunately gave me the second best thing. January 4th of 2007 (not a Company, or Department, but job work group; Ie. the job that I performed) the "Bosses" of my Department called me in and stated that the "Company" could no longer medically certify me because I had diabetes and would no longer be able to work at ANY job at my job site (I worked as a dispatcher for the security force at a nuclear power plant). They did promise (not in writing) to pay Long Term Disability until I reach retarded age and seamlessly transfer over to retardment. All this is yet to be seen, but they are paying LTD and I am getting SSI so it's not so bad. Definitely less than what I was making before, but I've never been paid to sit at home either. Kind of like early retardment. Smithy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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