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Okie Sawbones, SASS #77381

Touching Golf Story - Brings a Tear to the Eye

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Dave stood over his tee shot on the 450-yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.

 

Finally his exasperated partner Ray asked, "What the hell is taking so long?"

 

"My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony," Dave explained. "I want to make a perfect shot."

 

His companion Ray said, "You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here."

 

:blink::lol::blink:

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Can't be told here, but remember the one where the punchline is a sniper telling a golfer, "Hang on a second, I can get you two for one."

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Can't be told here, but remember the one where the punchline is a sniper telling a golfer, "Hang on a second, I can get you two for one."

 

I know that joke -- nope, definitely X-Rated. :o

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Reminds me of the joke about the golfer pausing and taking off his hat when the funeral procession went by. One of his buddies asks why, since he has never done that in all their years of golfing together. The first golfer replies "Well, none of the others was my wife..."

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Once there was a man and his wife playing a round of golf. When the got to the 15th hole the man sliced his T-Shot and it landed in an area near a maintenance shed. His wife, being helpful saw it would be no problem. "Look honey", she said, "The green's right behind the shed. If I open up the doors on the far end of the shed you can hit right through it and be on in regulation".

 

The man thought this might be a good idea. His wife opened the doors and he took his shot. Unfortunately, he hooked it a little bit and it hit one of the shed's beams. After ricocheting around a couple of times the ball hit his wife in the head and she was tragically killed.

 

About six months later the man was playing golf when he came to the same hole and sliced it again in front of the same shed. His playing partner suggested the same shot. "I'll open the doors for you, just hit it through and you'll be on in two".

 

"Oh no" said the man. "The last time I tried that I got a double-bogey". :lol:

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This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, die tragically in a car crash. They have been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's nearly neurotic interest in health food.

 

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite, complete with Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed' the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.

 

"It's free," St. Peter replied, "Remember, this is Heaven."

 

Next they went out back to see the championship golf course the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

 

"This is Heaven," St. Peter replied. "You play for free."

 

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man.

 

"Don't you understand yet?" St. Peter asked. "This is Heaven. It's free!"

 

"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol foods?" the old man asked timidly.

 

"That's the best part ... you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

 

The old man looked at his wife and said, "You and your #@!%&~ bran muffins. I could have been here ten years ago!"

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I know that joke -- nope, definitely X-Rated. :o

until you said that i was not sure but I know the joke

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I used to play golf with a guy that was cheated so often, he got a hole-in-one and put 'zero' on his score card.

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I used to play golf with a guy that was cheated so often, he got a hole-in-one and put 'zero' on his score card.

 

:blink::wacko::)

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Did you hear about the local country club that was determined to be politically correct"

 

Instead of saying the golfers have handicaps, they say they're stroke-challenged!

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