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A soldiers reward


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A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.
Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General’s office.
Since we weren’t actually at war,” the General began, “I can’t give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated. What we’ve decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We’ll start on the left, boys, so what’ll it be?”

Soldier 1:The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!”
General:Very good son, that’s 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds”
Soldier 2:The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!”
General: Even better son, that’s 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds
Soldier 3:The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, sahr!
General:That’s a strange but fair request, son! "
As the general begins the measurement: “What! Son, where is your left pinky?
Soldier 3:Falkland Island, sahr!”

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Outstanding! :lol:

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FYI: There were 2 Victoria Crosses awarded, both posthumously and a large number of other gallantry decorations; DSOs, DSCs, DFCs, AFCs, MCs etc.

There was a DSO awarded to a Royal Marine Capitan, which leads me to imagine the first recommendation was for a VC, but was downgraded. Most DSOs are awarded to more senior officers in Command positions. When you run across one awarded to a Company grade officer, it's usually the case. 

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2 hours ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

FYI: There were 2 Victoria Crosses awarded, both posthumously and a large number of other gallantry decorations; DSOs, DSCs, DFCs, AFCs, MCs etc.

There was a DSO awarded to a Royal Marine Capitan, which leads me to imagine the first recommendation was for a VC, but was downgraded. Most DSOs are awarded to more senior officers in Command positions. When you run across one awarded to a Company grade officer, it's usually the case. 

We know. It’s a Joke!

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Father Kit, your joke reminded me of this story.

 

Ugly American Soldier

 

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

 

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am,

may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

 

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

 

The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.  And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."

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4 minutes ago, Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 said:

Father Kit, your joke reminded me of this story.

 

Ugly American Soldier

 

 

 

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

 

 

 

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am,

 

may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

 

 

 

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

 

 

 

The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.  And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."

 

 

image.png.78d330321325e90c4a9b2d2048a3c9a8.png

 

 

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It’s a joke that actually pre-dates the Falklands.

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39 minutes ago, Father Kit Cool Gun Garth said:

 

image.png.78d330321325e90c4a9b2d2048a3c9a8.png

 

 

 

I’m Sorry for my Plagiarism

 

In my own words, I will now hope to explain my motivation.  Due to my inherent lack of agility of mind, I opted to pursue the lower angels of my nature and perpetrate a minor piece of larceny to overcome my numerous limitations.  Without regard to the passions of the original writer or the unwitting knowledge of the subsequent readers, I reprehensively passed off the literary talents of another as mine merely to make a fallacious impact upon this august audience with an eloquence which is readily recognizable as not my own.  Thus, it is obvious to the most casual observer that my feeble endeavor to impress should receive the greatest of reprimand for intentionally deceiving these gracious and pious people on whose eyes the previous lines were elucidated.  I am now humbly obliged to throw myself upon the compassions and mercies of those who must judge, indulging upon their sympathies for my many deficiencies of character.

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Birdgun, that was dang fine speechifying.
Sounds a lot like a flowery Al Swearingen soliloquy…….without the F bombs.:D

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59 minutes ago, Utah Bob #35998 said:

Birdgun, that was dang fine speechifying.
Sounds a lot like a flowery Al Swearingen soliloquy…….without the F bombs.:D

Well...thanks...but...I plagiarized it too. 

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Now that this thread of soldier jokes has been successfully surrounded, overrun, and Highjacked---another Falklands Soldier joke.

Falklands veteran

A British officer spotted a busker in the London Underground with a sign that read: "VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE FALKLANDS WAR." The officer thought, "Poor chap, I was there and it was awful!" Feeling sorry for a fellow veteran, he took £20 out of his wallet and gave it to the busker. The officer was then greeted with a hearty: "Gracias, Señor!"

 

 

.

Edited by Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663
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Until that last joke, and after reading the "I'm sorry post, I thought "This is your off year election year. Maybe Birdgun is running for office!".

But I guess not.

Too bad.

He seems to have the gift.

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3 hours ago, Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 said:

Well...thanks...but...I plagiarized it too. 

And I’m dang proud of you for that! :lol:

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