Red Logan #12252 Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 DISNEYLAND Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home. FLORIDA OR MOON Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida???' CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!' RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.' AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.' KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!' BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!' IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Why are blond jokes so short? So men can remember them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I've always liked to one about the blonde that stayed up all night learning the capitals of all the States. The next morning the blonde was asked to name the capital of Wisconsin. The blonde proudly replied: "W" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Scroll Down. ---> <----- Scroll Up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Presidio Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I've always liked to one about the blonde that stayed up all night learning the capitals of all the States. The next morning the blonde was asked to name the capital of Wisconsin. The blonde proudly replied: "W" I gotta wonder, tho.....how many other blondes were shaking their heads "yes". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
That Masked Man Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 What's it called when a blonde dyes her hair? Artificial Intelligence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dorado Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 What do you call eternity.... Four blondes at a four way stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Complicated Lady Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Only dumb blondes are offended by blond jokes sooooo keep em comin' boys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texas cowboy Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Late one night in Vagas, while the casino was not very crowded, this beautiful blonde walks up to the craps table and asked if she could play. Both the men working that table told her to go ahead and throw the dice. She picked up the dice, and then dropped her form fitting dress to the floor, explaning she could only gamble naked. Then she throws the dice and starts jumping up and down crying--"I won-Iwon!" Quickly she scoops up the money from the table, her dress , blows both men a kiss and hurries out of the casino. "So--what did she roll --a 7 or an 11 ? "asked the floor man. "hell if I know!" returned the man working the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 A gorgeous blond boards a plane bound for Toronto. She takes a seat in 1st class and settles in. When the flight attendant asks for her ticket, it's discovered that she has a coach ticket. When the stewardess asks her to move, she replies, "I'm blond. I'm beautiful, and I'm going to Toronto in this seat." After a frustrating few minutes the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and explains her problem. "Let me talk to her," the co-pilot responds. When the co-pilot explains that the beautiful passenger must move, she again answers,"I'm blond. I'm beautiful, and I'm going to Toronto in this seat." The flustered flyer returns to the cockpit and delivers the news to the pilot. "I was married to a blond for several years and I speak blond," the pilot explained. "I'll take care of it." The co-pilot and the flight attendant watch as an animated conversation ensues. Suddenly the blond bombshell stands and stalks back to her place in coach. "What did you say to her?" his to fellow employees ask. The pilot chuckles and replies.......... "I just explained to her that first class wasn't going to Toronto." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, a blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde." "It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen." "I modelled my looks on the town tramp." "You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!" "look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park." Dolly Parton From Brainy Quotes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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