Badlands Beady

Beady's 1st Law of Social Harmonics: "Never allow the designer to write the user's manual."

Beady's 2nd Law of Social Harmonics: "All you get from straddling the fence is a sore crotch."

Beady's 3rd Law of Social Harmonics: "If you love everything and everybody, you're sure to get a very nasty disease."

Beady's 4th Law of Social Harmonics: "Proving your manhood is a good way to get it bruised."

Beady's 5th Law of Social Harmonics: "Never give a bureaucrat more information than he asks for."

Beady's 6th Law of Social Harmonics: "Never rule out stupidity as a First Cause."

Beady's 7th Law of Social Harmonics: "Before you begin, pee."

Beady's 8th Law of Social Harmonics: "Avoid eye contact; shut up; keep walking."

Beady's 9th Law of Social Harmonics: "Never dress better than the jury."

Beady's 10th Law of Social Harmonics: "Whatever the statement, someone will disagree."

Beady's 11th Law of Social Harmonics: "Your spouse is precisely the kind of person someone like you would choose to marry."

Beady's 12th Law of Social Harmonics, Part One: "If you haven't made your point, make it."

Beady's 12th Law of Social Harmonics, Part Two: "If you've made your point, shut up and sit down."

Lancaster's Corollary to Beady's 10th Law of Social Harmonics: "Whatever the joke, someone won't get it."

Reflexive Reciprocity to Beady's 11th Law of Social Harmonics: "You are precisely the kind of person someone like your spouse would choose to marry."

Beady's 1st Principle of Inflexible Comfort: "Untangle the catheter from the bedframe before you stand up."

Beady's Corollary to Occam's Razor: "The likeliest explanation of anything is almost always the most boring one imaginable."