Red Logan #12252 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 One day a man decided to retire... He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree." "But, where did you get the tools?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware." The guy is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says. So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please." "Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs." No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. There's something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for, right?" She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, "You've built a Golf course?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD Trampas, SASS # 55781 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 That's a good one, not sure I would have said that, but each to their own I guess All for now JD Trampas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Logan #12252 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Yep, I'd said shootin range n some gunz, -----on second thought I'd said, well best keep quite, its aw family forum.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugs Bonney SASS # 10171 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Heck she had everything she needed to buile a bow and arrows and spend her time hunting. Insted she wastes it with carpentry and a still. I might dally for a while but then I'm outta there to get me some meat! Bugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foul Mouth Frank Shutz Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I've been wondering what Martha Stewart has been doing since she made parole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I would have asked if she had internet access. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I aint gonna say what I wood've said ! B.H. wood close dis thread fer shore !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Cherokee, SASS#48332 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 awww, mannn.. EVERYBODY know a golf course is just a waste of a perfectly good shooting range! (Boy, am I gonna get it for THAT one! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wild Will Bartell Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 awww, mannn.. EVERYBODY know a golf course is just a waste of a perfectly good shooting range! (Boy, am I gonna get it for THAT one! ) I'm with you, Doc. I never could figure out the fascination with golf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oklahomabound Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 The golf balls are good to use on your stages occassionally... shooting them out of a circle is fun... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadeye Doug Dalton SASS#65449L Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him. He said, "Take the dog for a walk." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Logan #12252 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Bet its been quite a few years, tha way shes been actin... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foul Mouth Frank Shutz Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 He said, "Take the dog for a walk." Inquiring minds want to know, which end of the lease would be the dog? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Logan #12252 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 He said, "Take the dog for a walk." Inquiring minds want to know, which end of the lease would be the dog? I have concluded that it wouldn't make a difference..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foul Mouth Frank Shutz Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I have concluded that it wouldn't make a difference..... The dog might know how to lead? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 awww, mannn.. EVERYBODY know a golf course is just a waste of a perfectly good shooting range! (Boy, am I gonna get it for THAT one! ) I thought they were two-gun ranges. Start off to the side of the golfer, gotta try to shoot the ball with your shotgun just after the golfer hits it. If that fails, you pick up your rifle and try to shoot it before the golfer gets to it. If you hit it before the golfer gets it into the cup, you get one point. If he gets it in the cup before you hit it he gets one point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wild Will Bartell Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I thought they were two-gun ranges. Start off to the side of the golfer, gotta try to shoot the ball with your shotgun just after the golfer hits it. If that fails, you pick up your rifle and try to shoot it before the golfer gets to it. If you hit it before the golfer gets it into the cup, you get one point. If he gets it in the cup before you hit it he gets one point. Now THAT makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Heck she had everything she needed to buile a bow and arrows and spend her time hunting. Insted she wastes it with carpentry and a still. I might dally for a while but then I'm outta there to get me some meat! Bugs Builtin' a still.... YOU CALL BUILDIN' A STILL WASTEIN' TIME ?? GHEEZ, I call dat copeing !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 The golf balls are good to use on your stages occassionally... shooting them out of a circle is fun... (ALERT...THREAD HI-JACKIN') Goof ? Somebody say "Goof" ? Just cant see what grown folks wood take a walnut stick.. Knock hell out of dat banny egg.. All over da paddock... Fer what ?? Just ta walk a mile, fetch it out of a gopher hole... And knock hell out of it again ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Charley, SASS Life #14739 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I've been wondering what Martha Stewart has been doing since she made parole. She wasn't released via parole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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