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update on her cancer for those just entering the problem

Trigger Mike

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As you know I posted on here some about how hard things got when my wife of 29 years started chemo. The constant threats to leave the marriage and even leave the world. The nearly daily multi hour battles that we fought. The marriage counselor who made things worse because he was not concerned with saving the marriage. The friends and church who interfered made our problems worse.



The doctor said that chemo side effects last a minimum of three months after it ends, including the mental side effects (chemo brain is what they call it). Though some symptoms may last a lifetime and do for some. August 7 was the third month after her last chemo. As we get ready to leave August I can tell a big difference. She does not remember a lot of what she said and did (which is why Im glad i recorded it so she could hear herself and is also a sign of chemo brain). She does apologize now and even forgives me some. Lord willing we will make it after all. The 4 children are back in school and endured a hard summer but we hope they will forget it all in time. We made a lot of mistakes getting to this point. She could not articulate her meaning any more for a long while and I often misunderstood her. Because she lost control of her body she wanted control from any where she could get it and I refused to let her get it from me which made things worse. We let to many people come help us. I needed the help and they wanted to help but once things got better some of them took that to mean they could tell us how to fix things and some got mad at me for letting the others also help and not using them more often. We wrongly let others use their jealousies and problems with others to interfere in our life. Lesson learned was no matter how hard it gets next time I'll just have to get over it and not rely on anyone else. that help also made my wife upset as she felt others were coming in and running her life. Early on she said she missed how things were when we lived in the big city as there it was just us, we moved to a small town and everyone got involved in what was going on and now she has her way, it is just us. Everyone else is mad at us.


The good news of that is it is now just us. We both have no where else to get help but from each other. That need alone has helped us repair the damage we did to each other. we will likely still have bad days for a long while as the scars are deep. The consequences in the community have not fully hit home yet. As the community isolates us both it will likely strengthen our need for each other. At the end of the day Lord willing it will be us together forever until death do us part like we planned 29 years ago.


given to do over, since they got the cancer back last October and only gave chemo to prevent future occurrences I really question the need for it. I can see radiation but chemo(especially since her body was rejecting it) really had some severe physical and mental and emotional side effects. I hear there are alternatives but we could not find a doctor who would entertain them. I'd say chemo is a case by case evaluation. I do worry about the long term effects of everything we went through. Lord wiling it will work out.


thanks for all the prayers and support and letting me vent.

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I know exactly of which you speak,, tho it wasn't as bad,,,, fortunately I don't like to fight and argue...


it does get better, tho some things will never be the same,,,, nature of the beast that is chemo...


Cancer is not an easy road,,,,,it has many forks and turns

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My thoughts and prayers go out to you you and your family. I just completed my 9th chemo yesterday and it is not easy being the patient either...I have one good day on Friday and Saturday is my shooting day and I am lucky to make all stages and that includes being the least helpful posse member...unloading table ...sometimes. Our kids are gone so it is just us and I have been a handful to the one person who has stood by me for over 20 years.

Things get said by me that I would normally not say...My cancer has been a blessing in disguise as I have come to meet real heros among us...people struggling daily to make their lives work while juggling young children insurance company hacks..still holding jobs where possible...and then we meet in the chemo room and Gods grace is present. Sounds crazy but I have grown to love those people my 3rd Thursday of every month and 4th Thrusday of every month.

I related this as I never thought I would see a side of myself that would say and do some of the painful things I have been responsible for since this started in January. You have yor hands full and I pray for you and yours as you struggle through this trying time. I pray Gods grace and peace for you and your family...hug those kids and know we are all forgiven. Feel free to PM me or contact me if there is anything I could say to help. There are many on the Wire facing what we are and I wish you my best. You touched me and I was happy to see I was not the only one who shared this situation. Thanks for your post....Jim


Wish you and your wife every grace God can provide.

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