Sweetwater Jack Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 It was a fairly quiet Saturday night in the usually rowdy Toostone Saloon (ACS); no windows had been shot out; there was hardly any blood on the floor or ceiling. A quiet game of "Texas Hold-em" was in progress at the one poker table that still had four legs. Quiet. REAL Quiet. Then,,,,, there was the creak of the lone batwing door still on its' hinges as a STRANGER stepped into view. A STRANGE stranger..... In walked a SKELETON! He kinda' SHAMBLED across the bar-room floor and approached the 20 foot-long mahogany BAR, and with a desert-dry voice, called to the barkeep. "BARKEEP!" The whiskey-pourer, who was ten feet down the bar, facing the other way, called out without turning around. "Keep yer' shirt on stranger; I'll be with ya in a minute! What'll ya have!?" The skeleton whirled around, facing away from the bar, and planted both bony elbows on the bar.THUD! THUD! Propping his heel bone on the foot rail with a clang, he cast a steely eye-socket toward the poker players and said: "GIMME A BEER AND A MOP!" (think about it). Okay, somebody else take over.... (We used to do these "relay stories" all the time back in the OLD days) Sweetwater Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt. James H. Callahan Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 The strange stranger rolled a smoke, asking the barmaid to lick the paper (having no tongue). Placing the cig in his jaws and striking a match he commented "If I had any guts I'd quit smoking." JHC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetwater Jack Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Teeth clamping the cig to hold it, the stranger turns as the local sheriff enters the Saloon (ACS) and calls the stranger out. "What's yer business here, stranger?". The stranger cooly stares the sheriff down with his one good eye socket, and says: "mlukn fr mufrnd bgr mntnchrly, snum?" Which, if he hadn't been clamping his three teeth together to keep the cigarette from falling to the floor (no lips) would have come out: "I'm looking for my friend Badger Mountain Charlie. Have you seen him?" Badger, whose back was turned to the stranger was one of the four poker players. At this moment, a small puddle of liquid began forming under Charlie's chair. (Probably just spilled beer). As some of the smoke from the many candles, oil lamps, cigars and cigarettes cleared a bit, a tin star could be seen, super-glued to the strangers' ribcage. "Well, stranger, if yer a fellow law dawg yer supposed to check in with me when ya come inta town, It's the "CODE OF THE WEST!" At those words everyone in the Saloon (ACS) sweeps off their hats, per the required custom. As the stranger sweeps off his brown Stetson, a neat, round hole can be seen in the center of his forehead, about a .44 caliber. The puddle under Charlies' chair increases in size. The sheriff looks the stranger over and proclaims: "Well, with that six=gun I see hidden, duck-taped to the back of yer spine, I don't think Charlie's yer friend. Sorry stranger, but I can see right through you!" The stranger bristles. "What do you mean you can "see right through me"!? You can't possibly know what I'm thinking!. "NO, ya Blamed Idget! Yer a SKELETON! I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linn Keller, SASS 27332, BOLD 103 Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Scott Nisley, local banker and swindler (not necessarily in that order), twisted his thin, curled mustache and gave a quiet, evil laugh at the thought of having just swindled another widow out of her ranch. The wailing cries of a widow and orphan, thrown out of their own home, was music to his twisted black heart: his own skills as a forger, imitating her dead husband's looping signature on a bogus mortgage form, was enough to gain him more property, more cattle, more water rights. He rubbed his thin-fingered hands together with satisfaction and thought of the cute little hash slinger at the local restaurant and how he was looking forward to ordering the sweet girl around like a scullery-maid. Just because he could. Scott looked across the street and through the sagging, slat-missing bat wing door of the Toostone Saloon (ACS). A skeleton stood at the bar, swilling beer, and Scott murmured, "Ah, yes, a customer, no doubt ... I got more than his ranch, didn't I?" -- and with a self-satisfied smirk, he dry-washed his hands and cackled again and continued on to the little restaurant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetwater Jack Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 The sheriff, attempting to recover his calm demeanor, and dispel some of the ??? factor from the encounter, breaks the stunned silence and calmly and WTFly, asks the stranger for his name. "Bear Bone Smith" replies the bare-boned stranger. I am ,, er,, WAS a detective from the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Office over to California, before I wuz bushwhacked and left fer DEAD by the Snidely Whiplash Gang. By good fortune, it turned out to be a mere FLESH WOUND. Ah just whipped out mah trusty Bowie knife and pared away the rotted parts. Anyways, Badger Mountain Charlie may have been the galoot that PLUGGED me, but I heard him exclaim as he rode outta sight Merry Christmas to all, and to all a NO. that weren't it. Oh! Ah Recollect! He mentioned somethin' about how NESTLE wud be tickled to know that the feared Bear Bone Smith wouldn't be investigatin' NESTLE's nefarious and dastardly swindling of widders anymore. So, sheriff, ah needs to find Badger and whup the tar outta him question him about where this NESTLE's been hangin' his hat, and why a man named after a candy would be such a rotten no-gooder villain...... Sheriff Keller quietly turned and pointed directly at Charlie......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Charlie smiled weakly, and headed out the back door. At the hitching post, he found a good one, it looked like it could run. Up on his back and away he did ride. Over his shoulder he called out, Merry, er ahh, oh heck with it, get outta my way.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetwater Jack Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 Well, we tried........... Thanks Capt., Linn, Charlie.... SWJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 R.I.P. Old Saloon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Drifter Posted July 26, 2017 Share Posted July 26, 2017 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.