Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog.. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?" The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Two Blondes With Hammers... Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, ' Why are you throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end & I throw them away.' Judy got completely upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You might have to think twice about this one. A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No, slly' the blonde said 'First I put the gun to my chest, & then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little harder, & still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she Bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot & cold things cold,' she replied.. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied...... 'Two popsicles & some coffee.' +++++++++++++ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubborn Dutchman, SASS # 61363 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I'm ducking for cover now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swifty Morgan Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I am out numbered and they are not amused! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paladin Gun For Hire Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Oh my,just about lost my dinner. Roll up the windows, I would not have thought of that!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Complicated Lady Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 *hands on my hips* humf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 *hands on my hips* humf Stupid me, I sent that email to my two blond daughters. No hot coffee and pie for Pop for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 ...... but if you buy a shiney silver thermos you can take your hot coffee with you, ..... along with a couple of popsicles ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Shapiro Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 2 blonds were walking down the street. Then they walked into a bar. You'd have thought they'd have seen it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spanish Bit Bobb Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 A blonde was having problems with her weight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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